TOA The Lesbian Wedding
by Becca Bing
Summary: Ch. 17 up! (Final chapter! A-whoo-hoo!) Takes place 2nd season after tow the lesbian wedding. What if M&C were together then? How would things change? How would they stay the same? Please r/r! Thanks!
1. Chapter 1

The One After the Lesbian Wedding

Ok, so this fic begins during TOW the Lesbian Wedding (season 2), minus the closing scene. Skip that closing scene. It never happens in this fic. It's, of course, an alternate Monica and Chandler hook-up. I got the idea to use TOW the Lesbian Wedding because I recently read somewhere that the idea to get Monica and Chandler together was first suggested for that episode. If I decide to continue this, I plan on kinda using the actual plots from the show, and tweaking them to accommodate Monica and Chandler getting together before London. In other words, show what it could've possibly been like if Mon and Chandler were together earlier than London. All right, read and review, and tell me if I should continue. Constructive criticism welcome, but please, no slanders. Thanks! 

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of these characters or anything to do with them, pretty much.

"Don't worry about it, Mon," Chandler assured her as she paced the almost empty wedding hall, "Everything was absolutely delicious." 

"Yeah right."

"Of course it was! I ate so much today that…I can barely fit in my pants." 

She snorted and stopped pacing. "Come on. I rushed it too much. I thought I could do a good job. I had everything planned out to the last detail! But then there wasn't enough time and…" 

"And nothing! It was great, fantastic. I even heard some women talking about how they loved your food."

"Yeah?" Monica asked, beginning to believe him, "What did they say?"  
"That they loved your food." 

"Right," she chucked as she took a seat at an empty table. Chandler sat down next to her. 

Chandler patted her arm, reassuringly, "It'll be okay. Ya know, everything'll work out."

"No, I don't know!" she argued, "How do you know things will work out?! What if I just end up a old, unemployed, unmarried woman?"

Chandler moved away from her slightly, nervous by her words. "I don't…know if, uh, things'll work out. I just said that to make you feel better. Please don't hurt me!" 

Monica sighed, leaned her head back, and stared at the ceiling. 

"But I bet things will work out for you," he consoled, "I mean you're a very talented chef and a diligent worker. Everyone has hard times, that's part of life." Monica began to pay more attention to his sincere words, "And as for your love life…you're beautiful and caring and just a wonderful person. You will get a great guy some day, fall in love, and that guy will be luckier than any other man." 

Monica smiled broadly. "Well maybe you're not right about that, but it's nice to hear someone say those things." 

Chandler nodded and wrapped an arm around Monica. 

"Ok, so enough about me…how's it going with you?"

"Ehh…I just got shot down by about twenty lesbian women in the past hour. I lost count of the total though."

"Want my advice?"

"Sure."

"Don't hit on lesbians."

"Thanks," he replied sarcastically.

"Well, it just _seems _like common knowledge, ya know? Most men only go for women who they have a change with."

"Yeah, well if that we're the case, than I wouldn't go for any women."

Monica smiled sympathetically at him. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Speak for yourself, Ms. Geller. I do believe that you were acting the same way only a minute ago."

She searched her mind for a comeback, but finding none changed the subject. 

"Where'd everyone go?" 

"Oh they went," Chandler said, looking behind him at the empty room, "Not behind me, if that's what you were thinking." 

"Thanks. Did they leave?"

"I guess so. Wow, that's nice of them." 

Monica rolled her eyes and got out of the chair. "Maybe they're in the lobby." 

"Yeah, okay." 

The two of them made their way towards the lobby, but it, too, was empty. 

"So much for them being in the lobby," Chandler observed. 

"Oh well. Let's just get a cab and head back."

"Good idea." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

         Monica arrived home to find the place empty. However, she found a note from Rachel informing her that she was out with her mother. Monica headed towards her room and changed into a t-shit and sweatpants. After that, she turned on the television, but found nothing to watch. Bored, she decided to go across the hall and see what Joey and Chandler were up to. 

"Hey Chandler," she greeted as she walked into their apartment. 

"Hey," Chandler answered from his seat in front of the television. 

"Where's Joey?"

"Oh yeah," he said bitterly, "Turns out Joey got a couple of the women to turn back towards the world of the heterosexual. At least for a night of some 'Joey lovin'."

Monica shook her head and chuckled slightly. "Leave to Joey." 

"Where's Rachel?"

"Out with her mom." 

"So, since Ross has Ben, I guess it's just the two of us, huh?"

"Guess so," Monica replied taking a seat next to him on the sofa, "You guys need a new sofa."

"Ehh, we don't care. We're guys. We spend most of our time at your place, anyway."

"True."

"Here," he said handing her the remote, "There's nothing good on to watch, so you can pick whatever you want."

"Wow," she said sarcastically, "How nice of you."

"Yeah, I know. Don't say I've never done anything nice for you."

After flipping through the channels, Monica settled on a black and white film.

"What movie is this?"

"I have absolutely no idea. But it's old."

"So?"

"So…it's different."

"And that's good?"

"Of course." 

         After watching the movie for about a half and hour, Chandler was beginning to drift off. He had his head leaning slightly on Monica's shoulder, with his right arm draped causally around her. Monica then shut off the television.

"I just remembered something."

"What?"

"I came over _here _because I was bored at my place, since there was nothing on television." 

"So old doesn't necessarily mean better, ey?"

"Guess not." 

They sat in silence for a few moments before Monica broke it. "So entertain me!" 

"Umm…okay…three guys go into a bar…"

"Uch, no lame jokes."

"Fine. Then I give up."

"Foosball?"

"Yeah right. We know how that'll go, Ms. Competitive."

"Hey, I'm not _that _bad!" 

"Right, and the fact that one of the little men is missing his head has absolutely nothing to do with you."

Monica looked away sheepishly, "That's right."

Chandler rolled his eyes at Monica. 

"I have an idea," he stated and then headed towards the refrigerator. 

"What?"

"Get drunk?"

Monica thought for a moment. "Sounds like a plan." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

         An hour later, Chandler was lying on the sofa, feet over the back of it and his head resting on the floor. Monica was lying with her head on Chandler's chest and her legs dangling off the end of the sofa. 

Drunkenly, Monica commented, "Ya know, this isn't all that much more fun."

"Yeah," Chandler answered, just as drunk, "I agree. We need to do something! Get out there, mix it up a bit." 

"Yeah, so what should we do?"

"Drink?"

"Noooooo. We already did that!"

"Right, I for…forgot 'bout that," he stuttered as he turned his body around so that he way lying across the sofa underneath Monica. 

"You know what would be really fun?" she asked.

"What?"

"Making out."

"Sounds good to me."

"Okay!"

Monica turned around and Chandler locked their lips together. They began to make out hungrily. 

When they broke the kiss, Chandler told her, "You're really sexy." 

"I know, but thanks."

He ran his hands through her hair and she rubbed her hands up and down his chest. 

"You know what would be even funner than making out?"

"Funner's not a word ya know?"

"Whatever. You know what would be _more fun_?"

"What?"

"Having sex."

"I agree!" 

They began kissing passionately and Chandler worked on unhooking her bra.  

"It's been _way_ too long," Monica stated as he began to kiss her neck.

"Mmmhmmm…" he answered, too busy concentrating on her neck to answer anything more. 

Suddenly, Joey barged into the apartment. Monica and Chandler jumped apart from each other and Monica grabbed her bra from the floor and hid it behind her back. 

"Hey guys," Joey greeted dejectedly. 

"What's wrong, Joe?" Monica asked as he grabbed a beer. 

"The women rejected me," Joey stated somberly as he sat down next to Chandler. 

"Poor guy," Chandler quipped, "Can't get the lesbians to become straight again, huh?"

"Have you been drinking?" Joey asked, holding his breath. 

"Does my breath smell _that _bad?" he wondered as he held his hand up to his mouth and breathed into it, trying to smell. 

"Yes, it does. Dude, brush your teeth." Joey paused and looked from Chandler to Monica. "What have you guys been doing, anyway?"

"Nothing!" Monica replied hastily.

"Nothing at all," Chandler agreed nervously as he got up, "Well, I'm gonna go brush my teeth and then go to sleep. Buh bye!"

"Yeah me too, bye!" Monica said as she dashed out of the apartment.

Joey just shrugged, took a gulp of beer, and turned on the television.

"Ooo, cool!" he enthused, "An old movie! I love old movies!"

So, good/bad? Continue/don't continue? I don't wanna continue if no one wants it b/c if it sucks, then I'll just look like an idiot…lol. Sorry if things seem to be moving too fast, but that usually happens when people are drunk…I mean b/c they don't think things through. Ok, I'll shut up. Merry Christmas everyone! (Or if you're like me, and don't celebrate Christmas, Happy Wednesday!)


	2. Chapter 2

TOA The Lesbian Wedding

Hey, thanks for the great reviews. And the 1st chapter is fixed. Boy, if I had a penny for every time I wrote "t-shit" in place of "t-shirt" I'd be filthy rich. You'd think I'd learn by now, wouldn't you? Anyways, please read and review, thanks! 

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of these characters, blah, blah, blah. 

            The next morning, Chandler awoke with a pounding headache. 

"Oh my God," he complained as he held his head and got out of bed, "What did I do last night?" 

Chandler exited his room and walked over to Monica and Rachel's apartment. When he got there, Rachel and Phoebe were sitting at the kitchen table. 

"Hey," he greeted weakly as he grabbed a glass of water and aspirin. 

Phoebe giggled, "What were _you_ doing last night?" 

"I wish I could remember," he sighed as he sat down next to Phoebe. 

Rachel laughed loudly all the sudden.

"Could ya _keep_ it down here?" Chandler requested, wincing in pain.

"Sorry, it's just that Monica's got a huge hangover, too." 

Chandler's eyes widened in remembrance, "Okay, I…I gotta get going!" 

With that he exited the apartment quickly.

"What was that about?" Rachel wondered once he was gone.

"Ehh, it's just Chandler," Phoebe answered nonchalantly. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After a while, Monica appeared from the bathroom. 

"Hey Mon," Rachel asked, "Feel any better?"

Monica merely mumbled in response as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"Wild night last night, hmm?" 

"Nah, not really." 

"You just got drunk for the hell of it?"  
"What's wrong with that?" Phoebe questioned, "I do it all the time. In fact, I'm drunk right now."

"You are?" 

"No, but I fooled ya, didn't I?" 

"Right…" Rachel answered, "Anyway, what happened last night?"

"Nothing happened!" she defended, "I just got drunk."

"With Chandler?"

"How did you…" she began, but caught herself, "What are you talking about?" she chuckled nervously, "I didn't get drunk with Chandler."

"Uh huh, sure you didn't," Phoebe teased. 

"Did you guys do it?"

"No! We didn't do anything!"

"So why are you so nervous?" Rachel challenged.

"I'm not nervous."

"And," Phoebe added, "He came in here, but left when he remembered whatever you guys did last night!"

"Ha!" Rachel added triumphantly. 

"Ok, we almost did it, but we didn't!"

"Oo…details!" Rachel demanded.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Right…" 

"Ok, fine. So, we were bored and he suggested getting hammered. So, we did. And that we were still bored, so, I, uh, suggested, uh…" she stuttered, feeling ashamed of her words. 

"What?" Rachel asked, at the edge of her seat. 

"And I suggested…making out."

"Oo, wow!" Phoebe enthused. 

"So what happened?"

"So we made out. Then we stopped and he suggested having sex and…"

"You agreed?"

"Well…I was really drunk!" she defended. 

"Plus, it's been such a long time…for both of you."

Monica gave Phoebe an angry look, but then looked away shamefully. 

"But you didn't do it?" Rachel questioned.

"No, Joey came in and ruined the moment." 

"Damn!" Phoebe complained. 

"What?"

"Well, I've always wondered what Chandler would be like in bed. I just don't wanna have sex with him." 

Rachel narrowed her eyes, "Okay…anyway…do you _still _wanna do it?" 

Monica laughed uneasily as she began to rub her arms, "No, of course I don't! I mean it's Chandler."

Rachel gasped, "You still wanna do it!" 

"Oh my God! It's so wrong, it's so wrong! It's Chandler…I mean it's _Chandler_!" Monica rambled. 

"So what? You _know _he wants you, too!" Phoebe informed Monica.

"What? He does?"

"Yeah. Have you seen the way he looks at you?"

"He doesn't look at me any differently than…"

"Yeah, sweetie," Rachel agreed, "He definitely does."

"Woah, this is coming from the woman who didn't even know that Ross had a crush on her until like a few months ago!" 

"Well, it's hard to tell when it's a crush on _yourself_ that a guy has!" 

Monica sat down, dejectedly, "What should I do?" 

"Tell him," Rachel advised. 

"I dunno…"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            Joey walked out of his room to find Chandler sitting on a chair with the TV on, yet not watching it. 

"Hey Chandler, what's up?"

"Nothing's up!" Chandler defended hastily, "Nothing at all!" 

"Okay, sheesh." Joey stared at Chandler for a moment.

"What?!" 

"I didn't think anything was wrong till you answered me like that." 

Chandler growled and shut off the television. 

"It's nothing."

"You're getting _this _weird over nothing? I haven't seen you act like this since that time you dropped your house key down the drain."

"For the last time, Joey! _You_ dropped my key down the drain, not me!"

"Yeah, right," Joey admitted sheepishly. 

"Okay, I'll tell you, but first you have to swear to keep it a secret!" 

"I swear."

"That means _not _telling anyone else."

"Right. I got it."  
"Okay…I, uh, I almost slept with Monica."

Joey gasped, "Monica as in _our friend_ Monica?"

"What other Monicas do you know?" 

"Oh my God! You almost slept with Monica! Oh my God, this is huge!"

"I knew I shouldn't have told you!" 

"Right, no, I won't say anything."

"You'd better not."

"So…you gonna, ya know, finish what you started?" 

"I doubt she wants to. I mean she was really drunk." 

"Do you want to?"

"Hell yeah! Who wouldn't?"

"Good point." 

"I really like her…a lot, Joe."

"You do?"

"Yeah. I have for a while now. And this _definitely _didn't help. What should I do?"

"Well, you could tell her."

"Thanks," he replied sarcastically, "Because I wouldn't have thought of that otherwise. 

"Well, excuse me, Mr. Big Shot. If you don't want my advice…"

"Sorry," he paused and looked away, "What if she doesn't like me?"

"But what if she does?"

"Yeah right."

"You'll never know until you ask. Besides, what have you got to lose?"

"Well my dignity, my respect, my friend, my…"

"Okay, so you have a lot to lose. But it could be really great."

"I can't believe I'm taking advice from a guy who hasn't had a relationship that's lasted longer than…"

"Woah, since when do I have 'relationships'?" 

"Right."

"Look dude, you're never gonna know if you keep talking to me."

"You're right, you're right," Chandler relented, "I'm gonna go find her!" 

Chandler headed for the door, but Joey called back to him, "Wait! You may wanna comb your hair first." Joey patted his own head as to illustrate, "You've got some hair sticking up…"

Chandler groaned and he went into the bathroom.  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            Monica sat on the sofa in her apartment, biting her fingernail nervously. 

"Mon," Rachel complained from the kitchen, "Just go tell him."

"No, I don't wanna seem too desperate."

"Right," she quipped, "Because sitting around the apartment chewing your fingernails is much better."

Monica shot her an angry look and then picked up a magazine. However, she barely looked at it. Just kept flipping through the pages. 

After a few minutes, Chandler entered the apartment nervously.

"Chandler," Monica whispered. 

"Hey Mon, can I, uh, talk to you for a minute?"

"Yeah, sure," Monica said and got up from the sofa and headed towards Chandler, who was standing near the door. 

"Umm…Mon," he began, but then turned his attention, as did Monica, to Rachel. Chandler cleared his throat, "Do you mind? We're trying to have a _private_ conversation here." 

"Right," Rachel smiled, but didn't move. 

Chandler gave her a look and she smiled sheepishly, "Maybe I'll go into my room and, uh, organize my, uh, bed sheets."

"Good," Monica added, "Go do that." 

Once she left, Chandler turned back towards Monica. 

"Mon, I…" he was cut off when she kissed him hard on the lips. When she broke the kiss, she looked away, nervously.

"Well…" he began, "Not the way I was gonna say it, but, wow."

"What were you gonna say?"

"I was going to tell you that I _really_ like you."

Monica smiled shyly, "Yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

She looked at him skeptically, "You're not drunk again, are you?" 

He smiled and shook his head reassuringly, and kissed her passionately. When the kiss ended, he smiled into her eyes. 

"Dinner tomorrow at seven?"

"Sounds great." 

He brushed her cheek with his hand and left the apartment. 

Monica stood there with a small smile on her face. "Oh my God," she breathed as she moved towards her room. 

So, how was chapter 2? I'm really cold right now. It's always freezing in my house in the winter. I mean we have a heater, but who would think to use it? Ok, please leave me a review, thanks! Happy Holidays!:) 


	3. Chapter 3

TOA the Lesbian Wedding

Ok, I'm tired and have nothing to say, so this will finally be a short author's note. Anyway, please read and review, thanks! Oh please excuse my many mistakes that are probably in here…more than usual…because I'm tired.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of these characters…*yawn*

Monica entered Central Perk to find that Phoebe and Rachel were there, sitting on the orange couch. 

"Hey guys," she greeted, smiling happily.

"Hey, what's with all the smiles?" Phoebe questioned.

"I take it things went well with Chandler, huh?" Rachel questioned with a teasing smile on her face. 

Monica smiled and looked away. "Maybe."

"Oooh, what happened?" Phoebe questioned enthusiastically.

"He asked me out for tomorrow at 7."

"Wow, he asked you out? "Phoebe informed her, "Ya know, I thought Chandler was just looking for a girl to, ya know, with."

"Well he's not," Monica stated confidentially. 

"Phoebe does have a point," Rachel agreed, "Since when has Chandler been in a _serious _relationship?"

"Well…" Monica began, thinking hard, "There was Janice."

"He broke up with and got back together with her so many times, that I can't even count."

"Yeah, and why was he together with her anyway? I mean he didn't like her. He was just desperate for a girlfriend and some sex," Rachel added.

"No way," Monica answered, less confidently than before, "Chandler wouldn't do that to me."

"What makes you so sure?"

"I…I don't know. He just wouldn't."

"Just because he's your friend doesn't mean he's gonna be a good boyfriend."

"Boyfriend, ha!" Phoebe told her, "He wouldn't last a minute in a relationship. Especially not one with you."

"What!? What do you mean?"

"Oh come on," Rachel explained, "He's going to be so freaked out when you start all your 'where is this relationship going?' and 'when are we gonna get married and have kids' crap." 

"What?"

"I mean can you picture _Chandler_ with a family?"

Phoebe started laughing hysterically. "The thought it's just…so absurd!"  "Okay…" Monica said and then walked out of the coffee house dejectedly. 

"Wow, I can't believe she bought that," Rachel told Phoebe.

"I know. I thought we'd need much more convincing than that."

"I feel kind of bad," Rachel admitted.

"Yeah, but it's for their own good. I mean this is their big relationship test. If they can make it through this, than that means they're meant for each other."

"Yeah, you're right. I hope we didn't meddle in anything too big for us to handle.

"I just hope Joey had an okay time convincing Chandler that Monica doesn't want him, too."

"Yeah, that a bigger problem, isn't it?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            "Woah, woah, woah," Joey asked, "She said yes?"

Chandler smiled broadly, "Yes!"

"She said yes?" he repeated.

"Yes," Chandler answered, beginning to become irritated, "Why do you keep repeating it?" 

"Oh no reason, except that, well ya know, it's Monica."

"Really, I didn't know that," he said sarcastically.

"No, it's _Monica_. I didn't think she'd say yes to you. Wow, she must be _really _desperate."

"What? You told me to go after her!"

"Well, yeah, you were mopping around in front of the TV and I wanted to watch, so I had to get you out of the apartment somehow."

"Excuse me?"

"What?"

"What?! What do you think! I trusted you."

"Oh come on. You really thought you had a chance with _Monica_. I mean she never even did it with me."

"So?"

"So…why would a girl say no to me and yes to you?" 

"Good point. But she kissed me!"

"Woah, she kissed you?"

"Yeah."

"Wow, she's more desperate than I thought."

"What? No, she likes me!"

Joey started laughing hysterically. 

"Why is that so hard to believe?"

"It's just you," he said between laughs, "And Monica…that's as bad as me and Ross."

"I cannot believe you just said that!"

"Yeah, your right. Ross could _neve_r get a guy like me."

Chandler threw his hands up in the air in resignation. "Oh my God!" he yelled frustrated and went into his room, slamming the door. 

Joey picked up his sandwich and took a bite out of it. With his mouth full of food he chuckled, "Chandler is so gullible!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            Later that day, Monica entered Chandler and Joey's apartment and knocked on Chandler's bedroom door. 

"Yeah?" he asked sadly. 

She opened the door and Chandler sat up when he noticed it was Monica. 

"Umm…Chandler…" she began nervously, "It turns out I can't uhh…go out with you because I have to umm…do my laundry."

"Yeah, ya know what, that's okay because umm…there's this special on uhh…the history channel about Monks that I'm very interested in and I didn't really want to miss it."

"Right, Monks. Very interesting."

"Yes."

They both remained still in the awkward silence that formed around them.

"So, I should, uh, go."

"Yeah, have fun with the…umm…laundry."

"Yeah, and you enjoy you're uhh…Monk show." 

When Monica left, Chandler fell forward, head first, into his pillow. 

"Oh my God!" he cried, "Joey's right! She doesn't want to date me!" 

            Meanwhile, Monica walked back towards her apartment sadly. She walked into the room without even acknowledging Rachel's presence. 

"Hun, are you okay?" she questioned sadly.

"You were right," she cried, "He doesn't want me!" 

"Aww…honey…" she soothed as she wrapped her arms around Monica, "It'll be okay."

"How will it be okay? I can't stop thinking about him Rach! And he doesn't feel the same way!"

Rachel looked away from her crying friend, with a pained expression on her face. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            "Phoebe?" Rachel called as she and Joey entered Phoebe's apartment.

"Coming!" Phoebe called. She came out with a hand full of pinecones. "Sorry, I was just organizing my collection." 

"You collect pinecones?"

"Yeah! Well, ya know, they need a good home, away from people kicking them and stepping on them and ya know."

"Right…"

"Cool!" Joey enthused.

"I know. Anyway, what's up, guys?"

"We have to stop messing with Chandler and Monica and just explain everything," Joey told her.

"Why?"

"They're both heartbroken."

"Yeah, Chandler won't get out of his bed!" Joey informed her.

"And Monica…she was crying for like two hours, and she's now stuffing herself with ice cream. The good ice cream Pheebs, the good ice cream!" 

"Okay, so maybe we shouldn't have messed with them."

"Ya think?" 

"Okay, we can fix this, right?" Phoebe asked. 

Rachel bit her lip, "I sure hope so." 

"Ok, so let's think of a plan." 

"Ooooh, I know!"

"What, Joey?"

"We get them really drunk and then you two and Monica make out."

"Joey!" Rachel requested, "Don't talk!"

"Gotcha!" 

"We just have to tell them the truth," Phoebe decided. 

Joey and Rachel nodded in agreement.  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            "Come on Chandler!" Joey tried for the tenth time, "Just get out of the damn bed."

"No, I don't want to! You can't make me!"

"Come on, we're just gonna go for a nice walk."

"No! You're gonna take me to Monica's aren't you?" he accused, as he pointed a finger at Joey, "I can see it in your eyes!" 

"Come on, you have to face her sometime."

"I do not!"

"Oh yeah? Then how will you ever leave the house? Hang out with the other guys? Go to Central Perk."

"I'll leave the apartment really early to go to work and come back late. I just won't see anybody and I'll go to the Starbucks by my work."

Joey gasped, "You take that back!" 

"Come on Joe," Chandler said, changing the topic back, "It's just too weird okay? I just can't deal with this. I…I really like her. And I know I shouldn't like her if she doesn't like me, but I can't help it! Oh my god, why does this always happen to me?!" 

"Just come over man, please? For me? Come on, I'm your best friend!" 

"Uch, I hate when you use that excuse!"

"So you'll come with me?"

"Yes, I will…" he relented.

"Yes, come on!" 

Joey grabbed Chandler's arm and physically pulled him out the door. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            Meanwhile, Phoebe and Rachel stood outside of Monica's bedroom door.

"Mon? Are you okay hun?" Rachel asked, while knocking on the door. 

There was no answer.

"Monica!" Phoebe called, "Come on, open up!" 

Still, there was no answer.

"Okay, I'm getting worried," Rachel admitted to Phoebe, "I don't think I've ever seen her this bad."

"Okay," she yelled through the door, "If Monica's not going to open this door, than we'll just have to knock it down. Oh, think of the mess that will…"

Quickly, Monica opened the door. 

"Okay, are you happy?" she asked spitefully. 

"Come on Mon, it's not as bad as it seems."

"Really? It's not? Because from where I'm standing, it seems like a bed of roses!' she said sarcastically.

"Really?" Phoebe asked, surprised, "I thought it was bad…"

Monica gave her a quizzical look.

"Oh…" 

"No, Mon, it seriously isn't as bad as it seems. Just let us explain…"

"Yeah, okay, I don't need to hear any 'it's not you, it's him' crap, okay? Just, leave me alone!"

"But Mon!"

Suddenly, the door opened revealing Joey and Chandler. Monica became visually tense when she noticed Chandler. 

"Mon, Chandler, sit down," Rachel told them, "We have to tell you something…" 

Ha ha ha! You thought I was gonna be nice and put them together right away, huh? Well, I've got the power! I think it's gone straight to my head. Anyway, I won't keep them apart for much longer, don't worry. He he gave u cliffhanger for once. Ok, hope u still like series, please leave a review! Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

TOA The Lesbian Wedding

Ok, this part's gonna be longer than last chapter. I was too tired to keep going yesterday. Okay, I'll shut up. Please read and review. 

**Disclaimer: **These characters don't belong to me…you know how it goes by now. 

"Mon, Chandler, sit down," Rachel told them, "We have to tell you something…" 

"What?" Monica asked bitterly, "What could you possibly have to tell us that'll make this situation less awkward?"

Chandler looked up, insulted. "Well, I'm sorry, but if you're so desperate to get a date, then don't expect me to just be there. Find some other idiot."

"What are you talking about?!" 

"Hmm…" Joey commented to Rachel, "Maybe we won't have to tell them after all. They'll figure it out eventually."

"Or they'll end up hating each other!"

"Oh, so bad idea?"

Rachel gave him a quizzical look and then turned her attention back towards Monica and Chandler. 

"What? What are you talking about? Don't call me desperate! I am _not _desperate! I can date whomever I want to date. Obviously, I should've never picked you!"

"Hold on, hold on, hold on!" Phoebe yelled, "This is all a big misunderstanding! Just listen to me for five seconds!" Under her breath, she added, "Some people never listen…it's always about them…"

"Phoebe!" Rachel scolded.

"Right, okay, big misunderstanding."

"Okay," Chandler asked, "How is this a 'big misunderstanding'?" 

"Well, you see," Rachel chuckled, "You're…you're gonna love this."

"Yeah, it's quite funny," Joey added, "Or will be, once you finish killing us."

"Just tell us already!" Monica demanded.

"Okay, okay, sheesh," Rachel began, "See…hmm…we wanted to umm…make sure that…" she gestured to both Monica and Chandler, "You two were, ya know, really serious about dating each other, so…Phoebe, why don't you continue?"

"Thank you Rachel!" she said sarcastically, but continued, "So, we decided to test you by telling both of you that neither of you wanted each other."

"What?!" Monica and Chandler asked together, angrily. 

"Please don't kill us!" Joey said, covering his head with a pillow. "Actually, kill them two!" he pointed to Rachel and Phoebe, "It was there idea! I just went along with because they offered me a sandwich…which by the way, I never got!"

"Hey!" Rachel defended, "Phoebe came up with the idea!"

Phoebe stuttered nervously, "Well…wow, would ya…would ya look at the time? I have to go and umm…buy some…dog food! See ya!" With that, she ran out the door.

"But Phoebe doesn't have a dog…" Joey stated. 

Monica ignored his comment. "Woah, what are you saying here?"

"We, umm…made up all that stuff about Chandler being a bad boyfriend and not wanting to ever have a family. I mean it could be true…"

Chandler interrupted angrily, "What? Why'd you say that?" 

"And, yeah, I don't think Monica's only dating you because she's desperate."

"Hey!" Monica asked, insulted, "You called me desperate?" 

"No…" Joey's lied nervously. 

"Let me talk to Monica privately," Chandler requested. 

"Right," Rachel said, without moving.

"Uh-huh," Joey added, also not leaving his spot.

"Oh my God! Can we not get _any _privacy?!"

Monica suggested, "Let's go in the hall."

"Okay," Chandler agreed, following Monica outside.

            When they got in the hall, Monica began, "Chandler, I'm really sorry…I believed them and…"

He cut her off by kissing her. He then pulled back and looked into her eyes. 

"I haven't stopped thinking about you," he confessed.

"I haven't stopped thinking about you either." 

"Well, I don't umm…wanna start, ya know, thinking about a family or anything, since we haven't even gone out on a date yet, but I want you to know that I'll do it, ya know, when the time's right."

"I know, and I'm _not _dating you because I'm desperate. I'm dating you for your money."

"What?!" Chandler asked shocked.

Monica laughed, "I'm just kidding."

"Okay," Chandler replied, relieved. 

 "We learned an important lesson today though," Monica mused.

"Yeah? What's that?"

"Never listen to your friends."

"Really? I thought it was never listen to Joey…" 

"Shut up," she told him, and then kissed him. 

When they broke the kiss, Monica began laughing.

"Am I _that _bad of a kisser?"

"No…no not at all! I was just thinking of a way to get revenge on our meddling friends." 

"Uh oh."

"Come on. Now that you're with me, you have to go along with my plans!" 

Chandler rolled his eyes, but smiled. "Yeah okay. What's the plan?" 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            "Monica!" Rachel called through the door, "Come on, open up."

Monica opened her bedroom door, wiped her eyes, and came out. 

"What happened?" 

"We're not together."

"What?! But it was all just a lie."

"Oh come on, don't try to defend him! He admitted it to me! He wasn't looking for a serious relationship! 

"No, that's not true. He's crazy about you. You must've just misunderstood h…"

"NO!" Monica interrupted angrily, "I didn't misunderstand! He said to me, "They were right, Monica. I'm not looking for a serious relationship.""

"He said that?"

"Yes! That lying pig! Uch…I never want to see Chandler ever again!" 

"But Mon…"

"But nothing, Rach. I'm going to bed." With that, she went back into her room and slammed the door shut. 

"Oh God, oh God, oh God…" Rachel repeated frantically over and over again. She decided to head over to Joey and Chandler's. 

            When she arrived, she saw Chandler watching television.

"Chandler Bing!" she yelled, "How could you?"

"How could I what?"

"Tell Monica that you're not looking for a serious relationship."

"Oh that," he replied casually, "Well, I'm not…"

"What? But you are…you're crazy about her!"

"Nah, not really. She's hot though."

"What? Chandler, that's not like you! It's like Joey, but not like you!"

"Ehh…I'm just not in a place in my life where I want a serious relationship."

"What?!" 

"Yeah, I don't really care. Besides, I think Monica and myself are too different."

"What? But you guys are cra…"

"No, we're not." 

"But yesterday you told Joey that you really liked her."

"Well, duh. I wasn't going to tell you guys that I was only looking for a good time with Monica. You'd all hate me."

"Well, if it helps, I hate you now!"

"But why? I mean didn't you tell Monica that I wasn't in it for the long run?"

"Well yeah, but we weren't serious."

"Stop trying to spare Monica's feelings. Of course you were serious." 

"But we weren't, I swear!"

"Well, whatever. The past is the past. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to watching…" he looked the television and scrunched his face in disgust, "That elephant giving birth."

Rachel eyed his suspiciously and then left the apartment. 

"Damn animal planet!" he scorned as he flipped through the channels. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            That night, Monica headed towards the restaurant she and Chandler were meeting at. When she got there, she spotted Chandler outside and smiled. 

"Sorry I couldn't pick you," he apologized when they went inside, "But ya know, it would be way too hard to hide both of leaving at the same time." 

"It's okay, I understand." 

The two were seated at a table in the corner of the restaurant. It was a small, homely Italian restaurant. 

"I'm also sorry," Chandler continued, "That we couldn't go anywhere nicer."

"No, it's okay, really! If I had came out of the building dressed up, Rachel would've never bought the excuse that I was having dinner with my mother." 

"Yeah, you're right." 

The waiter came over and took their order and then left them again.

"So how long do I have to pretend I'm a terrible guy and I don't want to date you?"

"A couple days. I want to make them feel really bad for me."

"And hate me in the process?"

"Well, they can't feel bad for both of us at the same time!" 

"Yeah, I know," Chandler relented, "But I think Rachel really, _really _hates me. Plus, she thinks that I like to watch animals give birth!" 

"Eww…okay, I'm not even gonna ask why." 

Chandler chuckled, "Good idea." 

Monica laughed along with him. 

He then looked at Monica and held her hand. "You're so beautiful." 

She smiled and blushed, "Thank you. You're kinda cute yourself, ya know?" 

"Yeah, I know," he joked. 

She hit him lightly on his arm. "Wow," she stated suddenly.

"Hmm?"

"This is our first date."

"You just noticed?"

"No, I mean we've been best friends for a long time now and we finally crossed that line."

"Yeah, I've been waiting for this moment forever." 

Monica smiled broadly. "Me too." 

"Plus," Chandler added, "We beat Ross and Rachel to it." 

Monica smiled triumphantly. "Yeah, we did!" 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            "He really said that he wasn't into Monica?" Joey asked surprised, as he, Rachel, and Phoebe sat in Central Perk the next morning.

"Yeah, he told me that he just thought 'she was hot'."

"Wow, I really thought Chandler was better than that," Phoebe mused, "I mean I always thought he was annoying, but sweet. Now he's just annoying."

"It just doesn't sound like him, ya know?" Rachel commented, "It's weird. He would've acted like this before, wouldn't he have?"

"Yeah…" Phoebe agreed.

"Maybe it's not that he doesn't want a relationship with Monica," Joey began, "Maybe he's just scared of being in one with her."

"Yeah," Rachel agreed enthusiastically, "He's probably afraid he'll mess up and break Monica's heart!" 

"That does sound more like him," Phoebe concurred, "Plus, that plays on his annoying side. Ya know, it's annoying for us because now we're going to have to get them together."

 "We could get them really drunk and then they could sleep together."

"Joey, how would that solve anything?" 

"Why not? Sex solves all my relationship problems."

"What relationship problems?" 

"The sexual kinds."

"Anyway…" Rachel changed the subject, "What should we do?"

"We should get them together, somehow. Like for dinner or something."

"I know! We should make them a romantic dinner and then sit them down and have them talk things out."

"Yeah! Okay, that'll work!" Phoebe agreed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            The next night, when Monica got home from work, she entered her apartment to find it empty. She found a note and picked it up. It was from Phoebe and Rachel informing her to meet them at Joey's apartment. She noticed in parenthesis, Phoebe stated that, "Chandler isn't home." She smiled, knowing that her plan was working. She put her coat down and headed over to Joey and Chandler's. 

She tried to open the door, but it was locked. 

"You guys?" she questioned through the door, "Why is the door locked?"

Chandler then came up the stairs and spotted Monica. After looking around and seeing the coast was clear, he went up behind her and kissed her neck. 

Monica turned around and smiled. "Mmm…hey. I got a note from Phoebe and Rachel telling me to meet them at your place and that you wouldn't be here."

Chandler scrunched his forehead. "I always get home at this time. Why would they think I wasn't here?" he questioned confused. 

Suddenly, the door opened and both Monica and Chandler gasped. 

Phoebe appeared from behind the door. "This is for you guys."

"Yeah, you two are so perfect for each other and we should've never meddled!" Rachel agreed, entering the room from Joey's. 

Joey followed her out and warned them, "So you two work things out, now! Or I'll kick your ass, Chandler!"

Chandler and Monica began laughing hysterically.

"What is so funny!?" Rachel demanded. 

Monica looked to Chandler and he nodded, so she began, "We were having a little fun of our own."

"What?" the three questioned. 

"Well, since you guys played your little nasty trick on us, we decided to get you back by pretending we hated each other." 

Chandler continued to laugh, "Did you really believe I wouldn't go out with _Monica_?" 

"No," Phoebe lied, "I knew it all the time."

Monica titled her head to show Phoebe she didn't believe her. 

"So you two are together?"

"Yeah. We went on our first date last night."

"And you did this to make us feel guilty?" Phoebe questioned.

"Yes." 

"Well!" Rachel said insulted and turned to Phoebe and Joey, "I'm hurt, aren't you guys?"

"Yeah! Let's go!" Phoebe said and she and Rachel exited the apartment. 

"Joe…" Chandler tried.

"No! I don't want to hear it!" Joey told them, putting his hands over his ears. He then entered his room and slammed the door. 

Chandler raised his eyebrows in surprise and commented, "Oh well, at least we got a free dinner out of it." 

"Yeah!" Monica agreed as they sat at the covered foosball table to eat.

Joey exited his room hastily, grabbed the two plates of food that sat in front of Monica and Chandler, and quickly headed back towards his room. 

"Or we can out," Monica suggested. 

He he he, see I'm seriously not that _that _mean. I promise Ross will be appearing soon! He just hasn't quite fit in yet. Ok, please leave me a review. Thanks for reading!:-)


	5. Chapter 5

TOA The Lesbian Wedding

Ok some background info. Ross is the only one who doesn't know about Chandler and Monica now. And YES, Ross is in this one, finally. Umm…Ross and Rachel aren't together and Rachel's pissed at Ross b/c of the list he made about her and Julie in tow the list. See I'm mixing the actual series with my own stuff. I'll be doing that a lot more later on. Ok, please read and review. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of these characters. 

            Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey were gathered in Monica and Rachel's kitchen, eating breakfast, like normally. 

"And if you add sauce," Phoebe explained, "the tofu takes on the taste."

Joey picked up a piece of tofu and ate it. Suddenly, he spit it out. 

"Uch! It's gross! I've never hated a food before, but I hate tofu!" 

"What? You didn't even give it a second chance!" 

"Yeah, well I don't need to." 

Their quarrel was cut short when Monica came out of her bedroom. 

"You guys are way too loud," she commented as she sat down at the table. 

The three others began to smile teasingly at her.

"What?" 

"What were you doing last night?" Rachel teased.

"Actually," Phoebe clarified, "I think the right question is _who _were you doing last night?" 

"Ha, ha, ha."

Chandler then walked casually out of Monica's room. The other three focused their attention on Chandler and gave him the same teasing smile. 

"Oh wow, I'm on the other side of the fence," Chandler observed, "Now I know how all those guys I gave 'the smile' to must've felt." 

"_All _the other guys?" Monica questioned, "What are you implying."

"Nothing, nothing." 

"You'd better not be."

"You two were pretty loud last night," Rachel remarked, "Kept me up half the night." 

Joey patted Chandler on the back. "Yeah, Chandler!" 

Chandler smiled broadly and nodded. 

"Chandler!" 

"Sorry." 

"So," Joey ventured, "How is she?" 

Monica and Chandler both shot him an angry look. 

"What? That's not appropriate?" 

            Just then, Ross entered the apartment. 

"Shush!" Monica demanded, "Don't say anything to Ross!" 

"Yeah, yeah," Phoebe agreed.

"Ok."

"Why not?" 

"Joey!" Monica hissed, "You know why!" 

"Hey guys!" Ross greeted as he walked inside. 

They all greeted him, except for Rachel.

"Hey Rach,"

She didn't answer. 

Ross sighed. 

"So Chandler," Joey asked, "You guys gonna be staying here or at our place tonight because I have a date and that might be wei…"

He stopped when he noticed Monica and Chandler glaring at him.

"Why would Chandler be here tonight? And who's you guys?" 

"Oh just me and…" Chandler bit his lip, thinking of a cover story.

"His sock!" Monica saved.

Chandler's eyes widened, "How do you know about that?!"

"Eww! You watch porn here?" He focused his attention onto Monica, "You let him watch porn here?"

Monica laughed nervously, "Well…I don't let him." 

"Yeah, he doesn't need to watch porn here," Phoebe said under her breath, "He gets the real show."

"What?" Ross questioned, not hearing. 

"Nothing…"

"Okay…" Ross made a disgusted face. "I have to go, but eww!" 

"Nice save," Chandler said sarcastically when Ross left.

"I'm sorry honey," she kissed his lips softly, "I couldn't think of anything else." 

"It's okay."

"I'll make it up to you tonight."

Chandler smiled happily, "Okay!" 

"Nice!"

"Joey!" Monica yelled.

"So wait," Phoebe asked, "Why can't we tell Ross?" 

"Because," Monica explained, "He'll be made at Chandler."

"Yeah, his best friend's doing his little sister…" Rachel teased. 

"You make it sound so dirty," Chandler told her.

"Well it's not that good on your part…"

"Oh, it's really good."

"Not like that!"

Chandler looked down at his plate, "Yeah I know. But it's not like we're fooling around or anything."

"Still," Joey commented, "If you were having sex with one of my little sisters, I would slit your throat." 

Chandler swallowed hard and said nervously, "Great." 

"Don't worry Chandler. I won't let my big brother hurt you." 

"Protected by the girlfriend…" Joey teased, but off Monica's look continued, "A very good thing." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            Later, Chandler and Joey were playing foosball in their apartment. 

"So do you plan on ever telling Ross about you and Monica?"

"Yeah, maybe."

"When?"

Chandler hesitated, "If we get married…" 

"Good plan," Joey remarked sarcastically.

"Well what am I supposed to do? I mean you even told me that if it were your sister, you would kill me! I don't want Ross to kill me…or even worse…hate me." 

"Maybe you should've thought of that before you fell in love with his little sister." 

"Hey, I'm not in love with her."

"Who are you kidding?" 

"Yeah, I know. I just hate when you're perceptive." 

"When I'm what now?" 

"Never mind."

"Ya know, the longer you hide it from him, the more angry he's gonna be when he finds out." 

"Yeah well…I don't have a choice right now. There's no way I want him convincing Monica not to be with me. I mean there are so many reasons why she shouldn't be…but for some reason, she is. I don't want her to finally accept those reasons!" 

"Well, then, I guess you just have to continue to lie to one of your best friends."

"You make it sound so bad." 

"It's not?" 

Chandler groaned and went back to focusing on the game.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            That night, Rachel was working in Central Perk. Everyone, aside from Ross, had gone home. Ross continued to sip his coffee, and stared at Rachel when she wasn't looking. Finally, he got up and went over to her at the counter. 

"Rach, can I have another cup?"

"Again? That's like your 8th cut today," she commented bitterly, "You're going to end up peeing your pants at this rate." 

Ross just smiled nervously, "I'm okay."

"Sure…" Rachel said unconvinced, handing him his coffee.  
"So, Rach…" Ross began, but Rachel turned her back towards him to use the cappuccino machine. 

"Come on Rachel! We could be so good together! So good!"

"Yeah, well Ross, that ship has sailed, okay?!"

"No, not okay! Why won't you give me a second chance?" 

"Because I'm 'just a waitress'," she mocked. 

"Come on, that list was Chandler's idea! Not mine!"

"Well, you made it, didn't you?" 

Ross chucked nervously, "Look Rach…that's in the past. We should just forget about it…" 

"Ha! Easy for you to say."

"Come on, it's in the past!"

"Will you quit saying that?" 

"Well, it is…it's just the past…a learning experience." 

"Yeah? It's just the past? Well, let's see how you like this for past! Chandler slept with Monica!"

Ross stared at Rachel, his face frozen in shock. 

"But Ross…that's the past…you can't be mad about it…"

"Wha…wha…wha?" he stuttered.

"Yup, that's right. You're best friend did your little sister."

"I'm gonna kill Chandler!" Ross screamed as he stormed out of Central Perk.

 "Oops…" Rachel said and began to bite her nail nervously. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            Ross ran up to Chandler and Joey's apartment and began pounding on Chandler's door. 

"Chandler, get your ass out here now!" 

Joey came out of his room in his boxers.

"Dude, would ya keep it down? I'm kinda busy in there, if ya know what I mean."

"Yeah sorry."

Joey turned back to go into his room.

"Wait, Joey, do you know where Chandler is?"

"Yeah, he's at Mon and Rach's." 

Ross tried to hide his anger. "Thanks man."

"No problem. Just keep it down!"

"You got it."

Joey went back into his room and Ross dashed across the hall. He tried to open the door, but it was locked. 

"Monica, open this door right now!" Ross demanded. 

"Coming Ross! Calm down."

Monica opened the door and Ross hastily pushed his way in. His eyes darted around the room and he spotted Chandler sitting on the sofa, fully clothed and eating popcorn. 

"What are you guys doing?"

"Watching a movie. Are you mad that we didn't ask you?" 

Ross began to eye Chandler suspiciously.

"Why was the door locked?" 

Monica looked away from her brother and said nervously, "Silly me. I must've locked it by accident." 

"Right…" Ross said unconvinced, but didn't question her further. Instead he turned towards Chandler. "So Chandler, I heard a funny story today."

"Yeah? Does it have to do with three guys walking into a bar? Because if it does, I already know it…"

"No, no, no. It concerns you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you." 

"Well, what about me?"

"Well," Ross began to laugh, "You're gonna get a big kick out of this…"

Chandler began to smile, "Okay…?"

"Well, I was talking to Rachel…and she told me…" Ross began laughing even harder. 

Chandler and Monica looked at each other, confused by his actions. 

"She told me that…" he continued, still laughing, "That you…that you…" Suddenly he stopped laughing and glared at Chandler, "Had sex with my sister!"

They both gasped. "That's not true…" Monica laughed nervously, "Me and Chandler? Ha!"

"Yeah," Chandler added, also fake laughing, "Why would we do that?"

"Okay, phew…"

"Just, out of curiosity, if it were true, what would you do to me?" 

Monica elbowed Chandler in the ribs. "Oww!" 

"I would kill you for fooling around with my sister."

Chandler licked his lips nervously, "What if…what if it weren't fooling around? What if I was in love with her? What would you do then?" 

"In love with her?"

"Yeah? What if I was so deeply in love with her that I couldn't stop thinking about her, ever? What if, whenever I was around her, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her? And whenever we weren't together, I couldn't get her out of my head? What if I couldn't help, but try to only make her happy because I was so madly, head over heals, in love with her?" 

Ross was taken back by Chandler's questions. Monica, too, was shocked by his forwardness. 

"Well Ross?"

"Still…"

"What if…" Monica began, regaining her composure, "I felt the same way about him? What if I was so much in love with Chandler that it scared the hell out of me? What if I couldn't stop thinking about him either? What if I loved everything about him? The way he smiled, the way he talked, the way he joked…"

Ross cut her off, "Why would you love the way he jokes? That's just annoying."

Monica ignored Ross' comment, "The way he tried to make me feel special? The way he showed me how much he loved me without words? The way he touched me, the way he looked at me, the way he…"

"Woah, way too graphic!" 

Monica looked away sheepishly. "Sorry 'bout that." 

"Is this true?" Ross wondered.

Monica nodded and then looked at Chandler. "Everything I said is true."

"Everything I said is true, too," he admitted, taking her hands. 

"Well, then I guess I have no choice, but to be okay with it, too. I mean if you're not just 'doing it'."

Chandler smiled. "No, it's so much more than that. We've been dating for a week now, but I've been crazy about Monica ever since I moved across the hall from her," he turned his attention towards Monica, "Being with you is so much better than I've ever imagined. And believe me, I've imagined it a lot before."

Monica laughed, "Right back at ya." 

Chandler leaned in and kissed her passionately. 

Ross cleared his throat.

Chandler pulled away from Monica. "Sorry." 

"Aww…" they heard from the other side of the door. 

Monica went and opened it, finding Rachel on the other side. 

"Rachel!" Monica scolded, "You broke our 'don't tell Ross' rule!"

"Sorry! I was just trying to get him off my back."

"Well, why'd you have to use us?" Chandler questioned.

"Hey!" Rachel defended, "You deserve it, Chandler!"

"What?! What did I do to you?!"

"Well, let's see…" Rachel began, "You revealed Ross' secret crush on me to me, you told him to forget about me, AND it was _your _stupid idea to make that list!" 

"Hey, those were all mistakes!"

"Well, so was this."

"No way, this is _not_ the same!" 

Monica patted Chandler's shoulder, "Honey, she's right. Let it go."

"Yeah," Ross agreed, "It's in the past."

"Urgh!" Rachel yelled and ran into her room.

"What's with her?" Chandler questioned.

Ross just shrugged his shoulders. 

Ok part 5 is finished! See, Ross is in it now. Phew…not really, but whatever. Ok well, if I don't post tomorrow, Happy New Year! Please leave a review. Thanks!:-)


	6. Chapter 6

TOA The Lesbian Wedding

Hey, I'm finally back for part 6 in this series. I've been kinda busy this week with finishing my last fic, New Years, and 2 days of school (uch!). Yeah, so if u find any mistakes, you'll know it's b/c I'm worn out from a day at school. I actually fell asleep in French class today. I've never fallen asleep in school before. But this guy is sooooo boring! Yeah, so he caught me and yelled at me. Then he asked me to answer a question. I got the answer right…it was "Le". What? I'm only in French II, and my French class last year was terrible. But I mean I know most of this stuff already…so that makes it even more boring. Ok, before I make _you_ fall asleep, I'll get to the point. This chapter's different from the others b/c I'm taking an episode that actually happened (this particular one is from toa the superbowl pt. 2) and changing the Chandler and Monica parts a bit. I hope it's not too boring, like b/c it's been done before. I won't do this anymore if people think it's too boring. Consider it an experiment, if u so wish to. See, I was thinking that I would mix episodes and things that happened w/ my own stuff. So I'll have some chapters that are totally mine and some that aren't. Is that a bad idea? Ok, that's all now, promise! Please read and review! Thanks. 

**Disclaimer: **I don't own these characters or a hell of a lot of this plot. Oh btw, u should really know what happens in the real episode, toa the superbowl.

Monica and Chandler walked hand in hand around the movie set. Monica looked over towards the scene being shot on her right side and gasped. 

"What is it?" 

"Look!" She requested and motioned towards the man in army camouflage.

"What?"

"It's…it's Jean-Claude Van Damme!"

He examined the man for a moment. "Ah, so it is." 

"Yes it is! Oh my God, he's so sexy!"

"Excuse me!?" 

"Well you're sexy too…just not with muscles and looks."

"Oh thanks, that really helped my self esteem for today."

"You're cute. Just not drop dead gorgeous." 

"Why thank you, you're beautiful, too."

She chuckled and rubbed his arm. 

"We're all allowed to have one famous person that we can have a crush on."

"Says who?" 

"Says everyone."

"What?" 

Chandler spotted Phoebe walked by them and called her over. 

"Ok, Phoebe, do you think that it's okay to have one famous person that you pine over while you're dating someone else?"  

"Yeah, totally," she answered nonchalantly. 

"Ha!" 

"Who's the famous person?"

"Jean-Claude Van Damme," Chandler mocked in a dreamy tone. 

Monica hit him on the shoulder. 

"Come on Chandler. It's not like Monica has a chance with him anyway." 

"What?!"

Chandler began laughing. 

"I could so get Jean-Claude Van Damme!" 

"Uh-huh," Phoebe said, unconvinced.

"Yeah, well, I'll show you both!" 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            About an hour later, Monica was camped next to a brick wall, trying to muster up the courage to ask out Jean-Claude. Monica was studying him intently, when Rachel snuck up behind her.

"Hey Mon, what's up?" 

"Ah!" Monica jumped.

"Sorry, sorry."

"Well, don't sneak up on someone!" 

"Ok, I'm sorry." She paused and looked in the direction that Monica was looking. "What are you looking at so closely?" 

"Jean-Claude Van Damme."

"Oo, where?"

"The guy in the camouflage." 

"Nice."

"Nice?! He is only _the_ sexiest man alive!"

"I dunno…" 

"What do you know about looks? I mean you _do _have a crush on Ross."

"Ok number one, DID! DID have a crush on Ross!"

"Right…"

"And second, you're going out with _Chandler_ for crying out loud!"

"Yeah, well, he's cute."

"So is Ross."

"Eww, that's my brother."

"Ok, anyway, speaking of Chandler, shouldn't you be with him, instead of obsessing over some movie star?" 

"I'm not obsessing. I'm just gonna ask him out."

"Excuse me? Did you and Chandler break up in the past hour?"

"No! He and Phoebe don't believe that I can get Jean-Claude Van Damme to go out with me. I have to prove them wrong!"

"Uh-huh. I see that. Now, when do you plan on asking the guy out?" 

"Soon."

"Right." 

"I just have to…"

"Get in the zone?"

"Exactly!" 

Rachel gave her a baffled look, and then turned her attention towards Jean-Claude.

"I thought he wasn't _that _sexy?"

"Hey, I can still look!" 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            Chandler walked around the movie set, extremely bored. He sat down on the curb and watched the people hustle around him. After sitting for a bit, Joey approached him. 

"Dude, I gotta get a part here!" 

"Ok…"

"You've gotta help me."

"No way! I am not helping you after the whole 'pie in my eye' incident."

Joey looked at Chandler quizzically, but after a moment, remembered. "Oh right! Now, _that_ was funny! You had a patch on that eye for weeks!"

"Ha, ha, ha." 

"Fine, I'll go ask Phoebe. But the next time you need something from me…"

"I don't think that'll be happening anytime soon." 

Joey left Chandler and Chandler moved to sit back down, but suddenly noticed a beautiful red-headed woman staring at him.

"Do I have something on my face?" he wondered in his head as she approached him. 

"Hi, are you Chandler? Chandler Bing?" 

"Yes, yes that's me. Do I know you? Oh wait, if you're one of the women Joey and I hit with water balloons, please don't call the police again!" 

The woman looked at him, completely confused. 

"Ok, so you're…not…one of those women."

"No. I'm Susie Moss!" 

Chandler tried to place her, but couldn't. 

"From 4th grade. I carried that box of animal crackers like a purse."

Still, Chandler looked at her blankly. 

"You pulled my skirt up in front of everyone during the school play."

"Oh right, Susie Underpants." 

He began laughing, and she laughed too, except her laugh was not genuine. 

"Yeah, sorry about that. I had a lot, A LOT of problems growing up."

"Yeah. I heard you're dad's a woman." 

"He is not a woman! He just…wears women's clothing…and has a women's name…and dates men…"

"Right."

Chandler chuckled nervously. "Maybe I revealed too much there."

"Just a tad." 

He looked away sheepishly. 

"Anyway, what have you been up to these days? I see that you're not completely following in your father's footsteps. No women's clothes."

"No, I am not following in my dad's footsteps at all! Definitely not gay!" 

"Okay, okay. I believe you!" 

Chandler looked away and Susie grinned slyly. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            Monica and Rachel were still behind that same brick wall. 

"Monica!" Rachel whined, "I'm so bored! Come on, just ask him out already!"

"Soon, soon. Don't rush me!" 

"Okay, ya know what? I'm just gonna ask him out for you!" 

"No, Rach! I'll lose that way!"

"And staying here for five hours is gonna get you to win?"

"Well…"

"No, I'm going over." 

"Fine." 

            Rachel walked over causally to Jean-Claude Van Damme. She smiled slightly and he turned his attention towards her.

"Hi, my friend Monica," she said gesturing towards Monica, "Would like to know if you would go out with her." 

He looked at Monica for a moment and then answered with his accent, "Hmm…well what is wrong with you?" 

"Nothing's wrong with me!" 

"Then why can't I go out with you?"

"Because my friend wants to go out with you…"

"So?"

Rachel paused and thought for a moment. "Yeah, so?! She has a boyfriend!"

"Exactly, so what do you say? I'll pick you up around seven?" 

"Hold on, let me just tell my friend."

            Rachel returned to Monica, who was still standing in the same place. 

"Well?!"

"Ok, so what if, since you have a boyfriend and all, I go out with him?"

"What? Well…I guess you ca…"

"Ok great, thanks Mon!" Rachel then ran back towards him. 

"Hey!" Monica yelled back at Rachel angrily, but Rachel didn't hear. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            An awkward silence had formed between Susie and Chandler. 

"So Chandler, how long do I have to wait before you ask me out?"

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, I know you want me!" 

"What?"

"Don't be shy!"

"Susie…you're a very nice person, but…"

Susie walked up closely to him and asked breathlessly, "What?" 

Chandler hopped backwards. "Woah, is it because I have a girlfriend that girls find me attractive?!" 

"You have a girlfriend."

"Yeah!" 

"Yeah right."

"I do! She's on this set somewhere." 

"Oh yeah, where?"

"Well, last I saw, she was going to ask Jean-Claude Van Damme out…" 

Susie looked at him quizzically. 

"Ok, so that didn't sound too good." 

"If she's asking another guy out, why can't you ask out another girl?"

"Good point." He paused pensively, "No! I can't! I love her! I'm sorry Susie."

"You should be. You don't know what you're turning down." 

"Right. Well, bye now!" he said and then ran away hastily

"I will get you back for showing my underwear to the entire auditorium, Chandler Bing!" she promised and turned to leave the spot. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            That night, Monica entered Joey and Chandler's apartment angrily. 

"What's wrong?" Chandler asked.

Monica sat down next to him. "Rachel went out with Jean-Claude and we got into a fight about it!" 

"So? Rachel doesn't have a boyfriend. You do! Remember, the guy sitting right next to you!" 

"I know. It's just, why can she go out with him?"

"Would you _really _have gone out with him, if he had said yes?"

Monica looked down at her feet and answered quietly, "No." 

Chandler sighed and she laughed. 

"Then what's the problem?"

"It's just that…Rachel knew I wanted to ask him out!"

"So?"

"It's just not right." 

"Mon…"

"Don't Mon me!" she yelled while rising from the sofa. 

Chandler got up and kissed Monica hard on the lips. 

"Why would you want to go out with him, when you have this 'okay looking' boyfriend waiting for you? I mean think about it. Do you really think that Rachel and Jean-Claude are gonna be together for a long time?"

"No."

"Do you think we will?"

"That depends if you go all Chandler on me." 

Chandler rolled his eyes. 

"I think we'll last though. I'll just have to keep you in line."

"Don't I know it?" 

"I'm so sorry, you're right."

He kissed her again. "For once, I'm right!"

"Don't get used to it."

"Right!"

"So, how was the rest of your day?" 

"Well, I ran into this woman who was in my 4th grade class." 

"Yeah?"

"She hit on me."

Monica laughed.

"What? How's that funny."

"Nothing. Just a girl…hitting on _you_!" Monica began laughing again. 

"Laugh all you want, Ms. Geller. But I do believe it was you who initiated the first kiss in our relationship."

"Yeah, well I was drunk. That's different." 

"Wow, you just keep throwing those compliments at me, right and left!" 

"I'm sorry. I know how to make it up to you." 

He smiled broadly. "Yeah?" 

She kissed him passionately. 

Once the kiss broke, Chandler cheered breathlessly, "To my room!" 

"You say things like that, and you'll go to your room alone." 

"Sorry."

"You know, you are really sexy, too. Much better than any Jean-Claude Van Dame."

"I know." He kissed her again and then grabbed her hand, leading her to the bedroom.  

Whatd'ya think? Boring, not boring? I wanna know, really I do. Just don't be too mean 'bout it please. Like no "you suck!"'s or anything. BTW I tried not to use any of the dialogue from the real episode, but I kinda stuck in a few of the same lines, basically. Like, with Susie, I had to use the same stuff for some of it. Like the underpants stuff and the animal crackers. Ok, hopefully u get the gist by now, so please review! Thanks!:)


	7. Chapter 7

TOA The Lesbian Wedding

Hmm…looks like I stirred up some controversy last chapter. Well, not really, but u know what I mean. For the record, I love Chandler! I think he's soooo much hotter than Van Damme! Especially back in 2nd season…*stares off into space* Ooo…sorry, anyway, this chapter's gonna be all my own stuff. No plot stealing here. Alrighty then, please read and review!

**Disclaimer: **I definitely don't own any of these characters. 

Joey entered Monica and Rachel's apartment, humming, and going through his mail. The rest of the gang was gathered in the kitchen.

"Since when do you get the mail?" Chandler wondered. 

"Since we got these!" Joey held out a coupon to Chandler. 

"Buy one pizza, get the second half off?"

"Yeah! And look, I collected them from all of our neighbors!" Joey took out a pile of coupons from his coat pocket. 

"Oh so now you can get a stomach ache for half off."

"Ya know Joey, I don't think that they'll give you that many pizzas for half off," Monica warned him. 

"No, I have my ways."

"Okay." 

"The rest of the mail's boring." Joey then tossed it in front of Chandler.

"Wow, thanks for your generosity." 

"Now don't say I never do anything for you."

"Why would I say that?" Chandler leafed through the mail. "Junk, bill, junk, junk, bill, junk…"

"Wait, that fancy envelope's junk?" Rachel questioned. 

"Uh-huh." 

He threw into in the trashcan, but Monica fished it out. "It's not junk! It's an invitation to your family reunion!" 

"Exactly, which is why it's junk."

"Aww, come on Chandler. You should go," Rachel tried.

The rest of the gang, aside from Joey who was dreaming about his pizzas instead of listening, agreed. 

"No way."

"Why not?" Monica demanded.

"Because…it's complex."

"I think we can handle it," assured Ross.

"It's just that I'm not very close with my family."

"Well maybe that's why," Rachel observed.

"Oh come on!" Phoebe complained, "If I had a family that wasn't like all dead or people I've never been able to meet or…my sister, I would love to get to know them!" 

Rachel looked at Chandler quizzically. "Wait, is this a family reunion with your father's side or mother's? I thought no one spoke to him anymore in your family." 

"They don't. It's my mom's side."

"I see." 

"You should go," Monica coaxed. 

"No! Okay, I've gone to these reunions before and they're nothing but trouble."

"How so?" 

"Well…see I have this cousin, Dave. He's the real smart, athletic, handsome type. And everyone loves him. He's also exactly two months older than me. When we were growing up, we were rivals."

"So?"

 "He always like won at everything and everyone liked him better. He was always beating me in school. And now, he's a lawyer! He has the better job, more money, better education, everything!"

"Aww, sweetie. Don't worry about him. You're doing fine, no matter what this Dave's doing." 

"Well, there's something else, too." 

"What?"

"I…I don't want to talk about it."

"Come on!" Phoebe whined, "Don't be a chicken. If you don't tell us, we're gonna have to call you Chandler the Chicken."

"Come on, grow u…"

Phoebe started squawking like a chicken. 

He threw his hands up in resignation. "Ok, ok, stop it! I'll tell you!" 

"That's three for Phoebe, zero for Chandler."

"Come on," Monica tried again, "It says you can bring a guest. I'll come with! Save you from your family of demands." 

"That's okay."

"What?" Monica asked, offended, "You don't want to be seen with me?"

"Wh..wh…" Chandler stuttered.

"Good one," Joey complimented sarcastically.

"I never said that!" 

"Well, you implied that." 

He looked over to Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe who were all looking at him with pity. 

"I didn't mean that Mon. What I meant was that I don't want to go at all."

Phoebe began to squawk again, but stopped when Monica glared at her.

He looked at her quizzically, but continued. "In college, I was dating this girl, Megan…"

"Oh I remember her!" Ross interrupted.

"Oh, ok, great!" Chandler replied sarcastically. 

"What ever happened to her?"

He gave Ross an angry look. "Long story short, I took her to the family reunion and she decided she liked Dave better than me and left me." 

"Aww…" 

"See, that's why I don't want to take you, Mon."

"You really think I'm that shallow?"

"No, I just think girls find him that irresistible." 

Monica looked him straight in the eyes. "Chandler, I'm not going to leave you for some other guy. I don't care how cute or smart your cousin is. I fell in love with _you_, not Dave. Now, I don't know about Megan, but I'm not going to be like her." 

"I know…it's just…it's hard to believe that we're finally dating and I don't want to lose you." 

"Oh, he's so sweet," Rachel commented. 

Monica smiled sympathetically. "You won't lose me. I swear." 

"You swear?"

"Yes, so will you go with me?" 

"Okay," Chandler relented. 

"Oh thank you, Chandler!" Monica said and hugged him. 

"Why do you want to go so badly anyway?" Phoebe asked her.

"Because…I want Chandler to be able to reconnect with his family."

Off everyone's looks, she conceded, "Fine. Chandler's met my family, but I've never met anyone, aside from his mother!" 

"There's a reason for that." 

"Chandler…"

"Okay, okay, okay! But you've been warned. My family is full of freaks!" 

"I see where he gets it from…" Phoebe whispered to Rachel. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

       It was the day of Chandler's family reunion. Chandler walked out of his room to find ten pizza boxes at the door with a note on them. The note said: "Chandler, take these to the garbage shoot for me. Treeger banned me for two weeks. Thanks. –Joe man." 

"Joe man?" Chandler wondered while taking the pizza boxes out, "Who calls him that?" 

       When Chandler got back, he went into Monica's apartment. 

"Chandler?" she called from her room, "I'm almost ready." 

Chandler groaned and grabbed an apple.

Monica emerged from her room in a halter-top and short black skirt. 

"No way are you wearing that," Chandler said as he walked into her room.

"Excuse me?"

"Do you want to seduce Dave? Is that what you're trying to do?!"

"Oh my God Chandler, breathe!" 

"Sorry. Here, wear this," Chandler handed her a Knicks sweatshirt and sweatpants. 

"Those are your sweats that I sleep in!" 

"Perfect!"

She sighed. "Chandler, come on."

"Okay, okay." 

She kissed him. "It's all going to go fine, okay?" 

"But…" he began only to be cut off by another kiss. 

"Let's go."  

"Fine," he relented.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

       They arrived at the party, which was held in the backyard of his mother's home.     

"Chandler!" his mother greeted and kissed him on the cheek. 

"Hey mom," Chandler said monotonously. 

Monica tilted her head and looked at him. He just smiled apologetically. 

"Mom, you've met Monica Geller?" 

"Yes, hi Monica." Nora extended her hand, "Nice to see you again."

Monica shook her outstretched hand. "Nice to see you, too, Mrs. Bing."

"Oh please, call me Nora." 

Monica nodded. 

"So," Nora smiled, "I've heard a lot about you, Monica." 

Both Monica and Chandler blushed.

"Mom!"

"No, I wanna hear!" 

Nora laughed. "Well, Chandler didn't tell me he was dating you until last week." 

Monica glared at Chandler and he just shrugged. 

"But he said 'mom, I have this great girlfriend. She's beautiful, and smart, and perfect'."

Monica blushed again. "He really said that?" 

"Yes, he did." 

Monica smiled shyly at Chandler. 

He smiled back at her. "Well, it's all true."

"Aww, you two are so adorable!" 

Just then a short, plump, gray-haired woman and an old, short, bold man approached Monica, Chandler, and Nora. 

"Chandler!" the woman cried out, "I haven't seen you in ages!" 

She kissed his cheek and Chandler tried hard not to grimace. When she turned away, Chandler wiped his cheek.

"Hi Aunt Edna!" he greeted with mock cheerfulness

Monica moved closer to him and whispered, "She got lipstick on you."

Chandler groaned. "She always does that." 

"So Chandler!" his aunt continued, "We haven't seen you around here in a while. I was getting worried."

"Well, I've been pretty busy." 

The old man spoke up. "I thought it was because Dave stole his girlfriend." 

"Shhh…" Edna hissed, "Don't say that in front of the poor boy." 

"Why? He has a girl with him!" the man pointed to Monica standing on the other side of Chandler. 

"So he does! Now who is this pretty lady?" 

"Aunt Edna, Uncle Tom--this is my girlfriend Monica. Monica, this is my Great Aunt Edna and Great Uncle Tom." 

"Hi, nice to meet you," Monica greeted warmly. 

Edna sighed and put her hand to her heart. "So much sweeter than that Megan girl. She seemed like a hooker, I'll tell you that. Now Chandler, you shouldn't be with a woman like that."

"How do you seem like a hooker?" Nora wondered.

"You should know," Edna replied bitterly. 

Nora huffed and left the conversation. 

"Chandler, I'm so glad you cut that hair of yours! You used to look like…my old dug muffin." 

Monica laughed, but off Chandler's look, stopped laughing. 

"Okay, well, Monica and I are going to get something to drink. I'll talk to you both later."

"Okay sweetheart. Oh and your cousin Dave's looking for you. You should say hello. Just keep that girl of yours away from him. We don't want a repeat of last time," she warned. 

"Thank you for the advice," Chandler said, trying to hide his irritation. 

As they walked away, Chandler's uncle turned towards Edna, "I thought he was gay." 

Edna shrugged, "Me too." 

       Monica and Chandler headed towards the bar. Chandler rubbed his temples and groaned. 

"I can't believe I already have a headache." 

Monica smiled apologetically and took his hand. 

"They all remember about Megan, too! That was like ten years ago already!"

"I'm sorry. Come on, you can get through this."

"Yeah, yeah."

"And they like me!" 

Chandler chucked, "Always competitive." 

"Not competitive. Friendly. I want people to like me."

"That's not what friendly means…" he continued off of Monica's look, "Or, in your case, it does."

       Monica and Chandler got their drinks and stood together drinking them. Chandler began pointing to people and telling Monica about them. 

"She," Chandler began, pointing to a couple in their mid-forties, "Is my cousin, Jane. And the man standing with her is her butler, and now lover." 

Monica grimaced, "Wow, really?"

"Yeah, well she was married. Then her ex found out about the butler, and the pool boy, and the cook, too."

"Wow."

"Then, my cousin Alexander," Chandler pointed to a bolding man, "Is a con-artist."

"Woah."

"Yeah. He cons old ladies out of their money."

"Like in The Producers?" 

"Eww, no! He doesn't sleep with them to get their money." Chandler paused, "Well, maybe." 

"That's…" 

"Told you my family's weird." 

"Yeah, well I didn't know it was like a twisted, alternate universe." 

"Hmm…never heard it put like that before."

       Chandler was about to point out some other people, when a handsome man in his late 20's came up to Chandler. 

"Chandler, my man with the bad name!" 

Chandler groaned. "Dave." 

"How's it going man? Haven't seen you around here in a while. And the number business?"

"It's good."

"Heard you've been promoted."

"Yeah."

"You have walls. Good for you!" He patted Chandler hard on the back.

"Thanks…"

"Woah! Who's the pretty lady?" 

Monica wrinkled her nose at him. 

"That's Monica Geller." 

Dave smiled charmingly. "Why hello Ms. Geller." 

"Hi." 

"Can I offer you a drink? Ya know, just to welcome you." 

"No thanks. Chandler got me a drink." 

"Okay!" Chandler said hastily, "It's been great Dave, but we should really g…" 

"No, no, no! I want to get to know you and this pretty lady over here better." 

"No, that's all right, really. Some other time."

"Fine, Chandler, you go…get yourself another beer. I'll keep Monica occupied."

"No that's all right," Monica assured him.

"It's no trouble," he grinned, as he looked her up and down, "Not at all." 

Monica looked at him, disgusted. 

"Dave, I think you should really…"

"None sense!" Dave pushed Chandler towards the bar. "See ya later man." 

"Woah!" Chandler turned back angrily. "Maybe you stole my other girlfriends when we were younger, but you are NOT gonna steal Monica!"

"I never stole your girlfriends. They all just seem to…be attracted to me and my charm." He raised his eyebrows at Monica.

"Uch!" she yelled, "You're a disgusting womanizer, is what you are! Whoever is attracted to you must be insane!"

"You go girl!" a drunken man yelled. At that point, they had a semi-large audience. 

Dave laughed. "Figures Chandler would date a woman who always speaks her mind."

"Yeah, I would! And it's a _good _thing! I love Monica for that and for many other reasons! You'll never understand that!" 

"Aww…" Edna commented, as she butt into the conversation, "That's so sweet! See, Chandler is in love! When are you gonna grow up and maybe try to find that?"

"Well, I don't…" he stuttered, suddenly very aware of all the scolding eyes, "I…" Lacking anything to say, he walked away, hastily, from the gathering of people. 

"See Chandler!" Monica commented when he left, I told you that you could face him." 

"You're always right."

"I know!" 

Chandler smiled. "I love you Monica." 

"I know that, too. And I love you." 

They kissed, and heard a few whispers and whistles. 

Chandler broke the kiss after a few seconds. "A little privacy please?!" 

Groans were heard, but the crowd began to disperse. 

"That's family for ya," he commented and then kissed Monica again. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

       When Monica and Chandler returned to their apartment building, and stopped at their doors. 

Monica turned around and kissed him. "I'm so proud of you."

"I'm proud of me, too."

"That Dave's disgusting!" 

"I know!" Chandler grinned ecstatically, "Did you see the way he didn't know what to say at end?"

"Yeah, sweetie."

"I was on fire. Maybe I should tell more people off." 

 "As long as you don't tell me off." 

"I would never dare do that. You'd probably kill me and sell my limbs." 

Monica looked at him strangely. 

When they entered Monica and Rachel's apartment, they found Joey inside, with empty pizza boxes all over the apartment. 

"Oh my God, Joey!" Monica yelled, and began to clean the apartment up.

"I cannot eat another bite of pizza," he commented, holding his hand to his stomach. 

"Hey, there's a piece left. Chandler, do you want it?" 

"Yeah." 

Monica handed the piece to him, but Joey grabbed it and began eating it.

"Hey!"

"I thought you said you couldn't eat another bite of pizza!" Monica reminded him.

"Yeah, well it's not going to Chandler. I paid for it." 

"Really? And who's credit card did you use?"

Joey looked away sheepishly. "The one that says 'Chandler Bing' on it."

"Stop stealing my credit card!"

"Sorry!" Joey handed him his half- eaten piece of pizza, "Pizza?"

Ok, please leave me a review! Thanks!:) And to anybody who hasn't been back in school yet, and is going tomorrow, ha ha ha ha! (I was already in school, so now u know the feeling.) J/k. 


	8. Chapter 8

TOA The Lesbian Wedding

 "I wanna run thru the halls of my high school. I wanna scream at the top of my lungs. I just found out there's no such thing as the real world. Just a lie we've got to rise above." He, he, sorry I'm listening to John Mayer. I think that's pretty close…I dunno, I always get words wrong in songs. Ok, what u should know before u read this…okay this is kinda my alternative tow Ross and Rachel…you know. (I'm not gonna give any background, so I recommend seeing it before reading this, if u haven't for some odd reason, b/c otherwise you'll probably get confuzzled.) Obviously, if I'm having Mon and Chandler together, Monica can't get together with Richard. That big tree…lol. I love that part in tow the proposal…he, he. Umm…yeah Ross and Rach are together…got together the same way, yada, yada, yada. Anyways, please read and review, thanks!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own these characters…surprise, surprise! 

            Monica entered Chandler and Joey's apartment and gasped at the new additions. 

"Wow! When did you guys get all this stuff?" 

"I bought them!" Joey answered proudly.

"It's nice."

"Nice?" Joey asked insulted. "It's not just nice! It's _the greatest room ever!_" 

"Yeah it is!" Chandler enthused. 

Joey and Chandler high-fived.  

"Right…"

Monica sat down on one of the stools, and the guys continued to watch TV. 

"Chandler! Aren't you going to say hello to me?!" 

"Oh yeah, sorry, hi." 

"Don't I get a kiss?" 

"Like he hasn't given you enough already," Joey commented.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well," Joey explained, keeping his eyes glued to the TV, "Girls are always asking for stuff while us guys are trying to do stuff."

 "And you consider TV doing stuff?" 

"Yes, I do." 

"I see. Well, fine, if you guys don't want me around, I'll just leave. And don't expect to be welcomed in my room tonight."

Joey laughed. "Mon, he doesn't need that when he can watch it on TV!" 

"Joey! Shut up!" 

"What's all the arguing about?" Chandler asked distantly.

"You haven't been listening at all?" Monica asked.

"What?"

"Urgh!" she yelled and then stomped out of the apartment.  

"What's with her?" Chandler asked.

"I dunno. She's you're girlfriend."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            "Mon, I thought you and Chandler were gonna go out tonight before you went to your catering job." Rachel commented from the bathroom. 

Monica, who was sitting in the kitchen, raised her voice to answer. "We were. But Chandler's too busy watching that damn TV and sitting in that chair to go out."

"So, just drag him out of the chair. You know you can. Remember that time you pulled Chandler by the ear until he moved out of your seat."

Monica smiled at the memory, but then sobered. "Well, I dunno. Besides, I don't feel like going out with him anymore. He was totally ignoring me. He didn't even say hello to me!" 

"Chandler's a guy…"

"So?!"

"So…they do things like that. Just ignore him back. He'll come around."

"Well, he'd better."

Rachel exited the bathroom and sat down at the table. 

"He will. Guys are just shallow like that. I mean, he has some time to watch TV and be lazy, but eventually he'll find that he has other desires…"

Monica smiled scornfully. "Thanks. So he'll come to me when he wants sex and then leave again."

"No, Chandler's not _that _shallow. Joey may be…but not Chandler." 

"Yeah. So, anyway, you excited 'bout tonight?" 

"Oh yeah, totally! I've been waiting for this for so long!"

"I know! And think of how long Ross' been waiting for this moment." 

"Well, dating me _is _always a big deal." 

"Right. And you know what else? That wasn't the least bit self-centered." 

"Oh I know."

 At that point, there was a knock at the door. 

"Oh my God! He's here! Okay, how do I look?" 

"Rach…you see him everyday, so why does it really matter. I mean he's seen you in the morning when you can just be such a…" Off Rachel's look, she continued, "Beautiful and wonderful person."

"Thanks," Rachel said sarcastically. 

Monica went to open the door and saw Ross standing out there.

"Hey Mon, is Rach ready?"

"Y…" 

"Monica!" Rachel whispered harshly.

"Oh right," Monica mumbled. "She'll be ready soon. Why don't you sit down-- make yourself comfortable? I'm Rachel's roommate, Monica, by the way. It's a pleasure to…" 

"Cut it out Mon."

"Sorry. I'm just so used to the act by now." 

"Ha, ha, ha."

"So, you nervous?" 

"N…no. W…why would I be nervous?" 

Monica rolled her eyes. "No reason." 

"So, what do you think of Chandler and Joey's place's new look?"

"I think that Chandler should figure out his priorities." 

"Uh-huh. Trouble in paradise?"

"Shut up."

"Okay, sheesh. Just trying to be friendly."

"Yeah, well be friendly in someone else's business." 

Just then, Rachel stepped out of her room. 

"Hey Ross," she sang with a smile on her face. 

"Hi there. You look gorgeous." 

"Thank you."

The two of them looked at Monica, indicating that they wanted some privacy.

"Hey, it's my apartment, too." 

They continued to look at her.

"Fine, fine. I'll go." 

"Thank you Mon." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            That night, Monica and Phoebe were in Richard's kitchen, preparing dessert.

"Yeah, so he won't even talk to me! I'm so mad at Chandler right now! I mean what's more important? A stupid TV show or…"

Phoebe cut her off angrily. "Hey, don't bad mouth television! It's never done anything bad to you!" 

"Okay…"

"No, no, no! You just can't do that to TV because it's not fair!"

"I don't think that the TV cares."

"How do you know? Have you ever asked one if it cares?" 

Monica rolled her eyes.  

After a few minutes, Richard came into the kitchen and sat down.

Monica laughed. "You in here again?" 

"It's just so boring out there." 

"And it's more interesting in here?"

"Yeah, well, I don't know about you," Phoebe said, "But **I **am a very interesting person."

"Anything beats being out there." 

"Okay, Phoebe, will you please serve the dessert?" 

"Uch, I don't wanna go out there either!" 

"Go."

"Fine," Phoebe relented angrily and left the kitchen. 

"So, Monica," Richard began.

"Yeah?"

"I…I just can't get over how stunning you look."

Monica blushed. "Thank you." 

"The pleasure's all mine." 

Monica smiled, and then went back to working.

"So…who's your eye doctor?" 

Monica chucked. "Wow, such an interesting conversationalist." 

"Hey, what can I say?" He pointed towards the door. "I'm one of them!" 

"Well, as of now, I don't have an eye doctor. I used to see Doctor Peterman, but he's down…"

"In Florida now, right." 

"So, I guess you know." 

"Yeah." Richard paused. "Well, if you ever need an eye appointment, feel free to drop by my office. I'll even give you half of, since you're Jack's daughter and all." 

"Okay, thank you! That would be great, especially since I have no insurance right now." 

"Really? Oh right, no job…" 

Monica smiled slightly. "Yeah." 

"Hey, don't sweat it. You'll get a job soon. In fact…I have been looking for a receptionist for a while now. Why don't you do that for me? I mean until you get a better job." 

Monica was stunned. "What? Really? Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It's not that hard. Just answer the phone, make appointments, and send in patients. That's pretty much it." 

"Well…I do need the money…" 

"So, you'll do it?"

Monica paused to think for a moment. "Yeah, I'll do it! Thank you so much!" She jumped up and hugged him, "Thank you!" 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            "You took the job?!" Phoebe asked the next morning, while they were sitting in Monica's apartment.

"Well, yeah. I need the money, Pheebs!" 

"Yeah, but I mean he was totally flirting with you."

Monica laughed. "What are you talking about? He's giving me this job because…"

"He wants to sleep with you!"

"Noooo, eww. Because he's friends with my dad and he's doing a nice thing for his friend's poor daughter."

"Right. The nice thing is sleeping with her." 

Monica rolled her eyes. "Whatever Pheebs. I'm taking this job because I really need the money, okay?"

"Fine, fine." Phoebe paused. "So, you gonna tell Chandler?"  
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I?" 

"Well…because your employer wants to sleep with you." 

Monica groaned. "Whatever."

"Speaking of Chandler, have you talked to him since yesterday?"

"No. And you know what, it's up to him to come to me, now." 

"Why is that again?"

"Because, he's the one who ignored me!"

"I see." 

"Uch, no one understands!" Monica declared and stomped out of the apartment. 

Phoebe stood in the living room for a moment and sighed. "Looks like it's Phoebe to the rescue…again." 

            Phoebe went over to Chandler and Joey's apartment and stood in front of the television.

"Woah, woah!" Chandler complained.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Joey asked angrily.

"You two have to get out of those chairs! Live your lives!" 

"Ehh…" Chandler remarked.

"I'm especially angry with you, Chandler!" 

"What? Why?"

"Uh, I dunno. It's not because you have a girlfriend who you've been ignoring!"

"I haven't ignored her."

Phoebe gave him an unconvinced look. 

"Uh, okay, so maybe I have. Is she mad?" 

"Extremely." 

"Well…I, uh…"

"You forgot about going out with her last night."

"Oh right…"

"And last night, when she was catering that party, the guy, Richard, offered her a job."

"Oh yeah? That's great!"

"Yeah, well I think he wanted her to do more than work, if ya know what I mean."

"Yeah baby!" Joey chimed. 

"What?!"

"Yeah, he's definitely got his eye on Monica." Suddenly, Phoebe started laughing uncontrollably. 

"What?"

"I said 'eye on Monica' and…Richard's an eye doctor!" 

"That's great, I see the irony. But we've got a problem here!"

"No…you've got a problem here. It wasn't me who ignored my girlfriend."

Joey perked up. "You have a girlfriend?!"

Both Chandler and Phoebe ignored his comment. 

"Okay, I'll go talk to her."

"Well, I think she went to work."

"She did?! Oh my God!" 

"Calm down, maybe I'm wrong."

"Yeah?"

"No. No, I'm not. I know flirting when I see it."

"What?! She was _flirting _with him?"

"No, she wasn't flirting with him. He was flirting with her. Monica just thought he was being nice. Wow, she's so clueless." 

"Oh God! Should I go down there? Do something! Stop him from stealing my girlfriend!" 

"No! Don't do that. She'll just get mad that you don't trust her. Besides, I already told her that he was flirting and she totally didn't believe me."  
Chandler sat down on the edge of his chair and put his head in his hands. Suddenly, he looked up with pleading eyes and asked, "What do I do?"

"You need to make things right tonight, as soon as she comes home! Remind her that she has a great boyfriend." 

"She does? Who? Chandler?" Joey asked.

Phoebe began to laugh. "I know, it sounds crazy."

"Hey!" 

"Okay, so do something big." 

"Yeah. But what should I do?" 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            That evening, Monica sat behind the receptionist desk, organizing it.  

Richard exited from his office and asked, "So, how was today?"

"Oh, it was okay."

"No problems?"

"Well, there was this one woman, a Mrs. Good, who tried to make like fifteen appointments with you…"

"Oh yeah," Richard laughed uncomfortably, "She has a thing for me, but…I'm not interested."

Monica wrinkled her nose in disgust. "And she's married?!" 

"It's horrible, I know." 

"Well, I organized all your files…I even color coded them."

"Wow, efficient."

"I know!" 

Richard began to stare at Monica, making her feel uncomfortable.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" Under her breath she added, "If Joey did anything to my face again…"

"No, you're just so beautiful."

"Uh…thank you." 

He walked a little closer to Monica.

"You know what?" she exclaimed nervously, "I should really leave. I have things to do and places to be."

"Yeah? Like what?"

"I have to, umm…go shopping."

"For what?"

"Umm…" she looked around, trying to think of an answer. "Staplers."  

"Staplers?"

"Yup. I collect...staplers."

"That's an interesting thing to collect."

"I know…"

"But that can't wait? Because I was thinking maybe you'd care to join me for dinner." 

"Uhh, no I have plans for dinner."

"Oh, well, if you have plans, then…"

"Yeah." 

Monica turned to leave, but Richard called to her. 

"Monica?"

She turned around. He then walked up to her and kissed her. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            Meanwhile, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe were in Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler was setting plates on the counter, while Phoebe was attempting to make it look nice by adding flowers. 

"Aww, come on," Joey complained, "Why do you have to be in here? I wanna sit in my chair and watch TV!"

"You did that all day!" Phoebe commented.

"I know! So what?"

"Come on, Joe. I need to do this, okay?"

"So, why can't you go to her place?"

"Because, Rachel told me to 'keep the hell out of her place because she wanted to make up for last night to Ross'." 

"Aww man! Everybody's gonna be having sex tonight, but me!"

"Phoebe's not."

"What are you talking about Chandler? I happen to have a date tonight. Sheesh, don't answer for other people." 

"Sorry Pheebs."

"Which do you want, Chandler?" Joey asked, holding up two menus, "Pasta or fish."

"Pasta!" Phoebe answered hastily. 

"You _just _yelled at me for answering for you!"

"Yeah well…" Phoebe stuttered for an answer, "Okay, if you don't need my help, I'm just gonna leave!" 

"Sorry Pheebs." 

"Okay, she should be home soon, so we should finish up."

"Okay." 

Chandler changed into a suit and grabbed a bouquet of roses that he bought for Monica. Phoebe turned off the lights and lit a dozen candles around the room. 

"It's perfect," Phoebe breathed. 

"Yeah, it really is. I hope it'll work."

"I'm sure it will!" 

"Okay, thanks a lot you guys. Now go."

"Right, okay. Let's go to the coffee house, Joey."

"Fine." 

"Good luck tonight!"

"Thanks." 

"She's gonna love it."

Chandler nodded and smiled in anticipation. "I know. Tonight's gonna fix everything."  

Cliff hanger….ooo. Keep ya at the edge of your seat. Okay, not really, I bet, but I can always hope. So, who caught Friends tonight? I liked it, but it's definitely not one of my favorites this season. (this season, my fav. so far is tow ross' inappropriate song…lol.) I won't talk about it though because I don't wanna give it away to anyone who hasn't seen it. Okay, please leave me a review, thanks! 


	9. Chapter 9

TOA The Lesbian Wedding

Ahh…I don't wanna do my hw! I have to do it right after I write this…seriously. Aww, who am I kidding? I'm gonna waste my whole sat. b/c of my damn chem. paper. Oh well, at least I got to sleep late today. Okay, I'll shut up. Hmm…I advise reading the previous chapter. Yes, I know that they all have the same title, and I probably should've titled each separately, but hey, I'm not smart enough to think that up. Okay, please read and review, thanks!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own these characters. Do I really have to keep writing this? Hmm…I guess it beats getting sued…lol that would be funny, actually. 

          Monica turned to leave Richard's office, but Richard called to her. 

"Monica?"

She turned around. He then walked up to her and kissed her. When Monica realized what was happening, she pushed Richard away and slapped him hard across the face. 

"What the hell are you doing?" she cried out angrily.

Richard held his cheek that was now bright pink. "What? I thought you wanted me to kiss you."

"What?!"

"Well, I just thought there was something going on between us. Ya know, like a spark."

Monica laughed sardonically. "There was no spark! You're insane."

"Am I?"

"Yes! I definitely don't like you."

"Come on, what's holding you back?"

"That fact that _I don't like you._"

Richard chuckled. "You're even more beautiful when you're angry."

"Stop doing that! You're old enough to be my father!"

"So? It's not like _I am _you're father."

"Okay, ya know what, I'm gonna go." She then began towards the door. 

"Fine, but don't expect me to wait around forever for you, Monica."

Monica turned around and called over her shoulder, "That's okay. I don't need you to!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          Meanwhile, Phoebe and Joey sat together in Central Perk on the orange couch. Joey was listening to Phoebe's story.

"So, since people have chased groundhog's out of their holes for, who knows how long, one day, the ground hogs will revolt against the humans."

Joey gasped. 

"That's right! And, they'll come out of their holes early one morning and chase the humans out of their houses! See how they like to be scared out of their homes, just to see if it's spring yet."

"Wow, is there anything I can do to prevent this from happening to me."

Phoebe thought for a moment. "Well, I guess you could befriend a groundhog and hope that, when the time comes, the groundhog will spare you." 

"Okay, good idea! Now where can I find a groundhog who looks like a sexy woman?"

Phoebe was about to answer when Monica came running into the coffee house. 

"Monica, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with Chandler?"

"Chandler? Noooo, I'm still mad at him, but you're never gonna believe what…"

"What? You're still fighting?"

"Yeah. Where have you been?" 

Joey began, "But he made you…" 

Phoebe cut him off. "Have you been in the apartment building yet?"

"No."

"Oh okay then! So okay, it makes sense that you're still fighting with Chandler."

Monica gave Phoebe a confused look. "Okay…anyway, Phoebe…you were right!"

"I know." Phoebe paused. "What was I right about again?"

"About Richard!"

"That he looks like James Bond in that tux?"

"No, the other thing!"

Phoebe's eyes widened. "That he likes you!"

"Yes!"

"What?" Joey demanded.

"Oh my God, how do you know?!"

Monica looked away and admitted in a quiet voice, "He kissed me."

"What?" Joey and Phoebe yelled together.

"I know! I was getting ready to leave and he asked me to dinner. So I told him I was busy and then he just…he kissed me!"

"Well, did you kiss him back?" Phoebe asked.

"What? No way! I may be mad at Chandler, but I would never cheat on him!"

"Plus, the guy's like fifty," Joey added.

"Yeah, he's old enough to be my father!"

"Hey!" Phoebe defended, "Fifty is not that old. I've been 50 before."

Both Joey and Monica looked at her strangely.

"Oh, no…in my past life." 

 They both nodded, pretending to understand. 

Suddenly, Joey demanded, "Monica, go upstairs!"

"What? Why?"

"Uhh…Joey and I wanna be alone."

"Okay…" she looked at them, puzzled. 

"Bye, bye now!"

"Oh my God, wait! Do you two want me to go away because you're dating?!"

"No, that's not for another nine years, yet," Phoebe answered confidently. 

Joey began counting on his fingers. 

"Okay…I'll go then…"

Monica rolled her eyes and left the coffee house. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          When Monica went upstairs, she saw a note taped on the outside of her apartment that said, "Go to Joey and Chandler's."

She smiled, happy that Chandler was finally going to apologize to her. However, when she entered the apartment, she found it completely dark.

"Chandler?" she called out. 

There was no answer though. She turned on the light and saw the table set and flowers all around the room. She sighed happily, but then realized that there were candles around, but the flames had already gone out. She opened the refrigerator and found that the food for their meal had been haphazardly shoved in there. Fighting her urge to organize it, she headed to Chandler's bedroom. However, it too, was empty. She searched the bathroom and Joey's room, but both Chandler was no where to be found. Monica headed back towards the coffee house.

"What are you doing back here?" Phoebe asked, aggravated. 

"I went to Chandler's, but he's not there!"

"He's not?" Joey questioned.

"No! Where could he have gone?"

Phoebe bit her lip. "Uh-oh."

"What?"

"Well, I'm guessing that since you were so late, he went over to find you…and Richard."

"What?! How does he know about Richard?!"

"Well, I might've told him that you were working for him…and that he had a crush on you…"

"What?! Why…why would you do that?!"

"I don't know…"

"Oh God."

"Chandler's a big boy," Joey assured her, "He can take care of himself."

"I know."

Joey started laughing.

"What?!"

"Chandler's gonna get his ass kicked by a fifty year old." 

"Joey!" Monica bit her nail nervously. 

"Yeah, he's not 50. He's 48!"

Monica groaned. 

"It'll be okay Mon. Trust me."

Monica nodded, but still was not convinced. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          Chandler knocked on Richard's office door. There was no answer, so he began to knock louder. Still, there was no answer. He began pounding on the door with all of his might, until finally, someone answered. 

"We're closed," Richard said simply.

"I don't care!" Chandler yelled, "Where's my girlfriend?!"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me right. Where is she?"

"I beg your pardon."

"I know she's here."

"_Who_ is here?"

"Monica."

Richard studied Chandler for a moment. "You're Monica's boyfriend?"

"You bet your ass I'm Monica's boyfriend. Now where is she?!"

"She's not here, but…" Richard smiled deviously, "We had an interesting day."

Chandler squinted his eyes angrily. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. You know, your girlfriend's a very good kisser."

"What?!"

"Yeah, really good. You know what else she's really good at?"

Chandler knew he'd regret asking, but he did anyway, "What?"

"The sex."

Chandler ignored him, and instead studied his face for a moment. "What's that bruise on your cheek?"

"She's very feisty," he smiled, "But, I guess you'd know that, too. Or would you?"

Chandler balled up his fist and punched Richard in the stomach with all of his strength. Richard fell to the ground, clutching his stomach. Chandler looked at him for another moment, and then walked out of the office. 

After a few minutes of laying on the ground, Richard stood up as best as he could, and said in a hoarse voice, "Guess he's stronger than he looks." 

          Chandler hastily made his way back to his apartment. Before he entered the building, he noticed Monica sitting in Central Perk with Phoebe and Joey. However, he just walked up the stairs into his apartment. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          A half an hour later, Monica turned to Phoebe and Joey. 

"It's been over an hour, he's hurt, or arrested, or something, isn't he?!"

"Monica, don't worry about it. Just go upstairs and get some rest. He'll be fine."

"Okay."

Monica left the coffee house and headed up to her apartment. Before she entered her own apartment, she looked under the door across from her apartment and saw a ray of light coming from underneath it. 

She knocked quietly and Chandler asked grumpily, "What?"

"Chandler?" 

"If you're gonna break my heart, then go away!"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

Monica tried to turn the doorknob, but it was locked.

"Since when do you lock your door?" 

"Since my girlfriend cheated on me."

"What?! I never cheated on you. Open this damn door, now!" 

He got up and opened it. She walked in quickly and looked at him angrily. 

"I saw Richard and he told me everything!"

"What? There was nothing! What did he tell you?"

"He said that you were good at the kissing and good at the sex."

"He wouldn't know!" She changed her tone to a softer one, "Now Chandler, who are you gonna believe? Some guy who wants to break us up, or me?"

He looked away, ashamed, and sat down on his barkalounger. Monica sat down on the armrest and leaned towards him.

"Chandler, I love _you_. Not that jerk, Richard."

"He _was _a jerk, wasn't he?"

Monica smiled and kissed Chandler's cheek. "So wanna hear the real story?"

"If it's better than the one I heard."

"Much."

"Okay."

She slid from the armchair into his lap. Chandler put his arms around her and she leaned the back of her head on his chest. 

"So, I was working for him, right? And I was about to leave, when he asked me to go out to dinner with him. So I told him that I couldn't because I had to buy curtains…"

"Curtains?"

"Hey, you try to make up an excuse off the top of your head!"

"Okay, I'm sorry, continue."

"As I was saying, I made up an excuse, and I was leaving. He called my name, so I turned around thinking that he wanted to ask me something else. And I didn't want to be rude to him because he was my employer and my dad's friend and all. So, I turned around and he…he kissed me."

Chandler was about to say something, but she cut him off. "No, wait! Okay, _he _kissed _me_, not the other way around! Then, as soon as I noticed what was happened, I pushed him away, I swear! I even slapped him!"

Chandler rested his forehead on her shoulder and began laughing. 

"What?"

"So, _that's _why his cheek was bruised."

Monica smiled triumphantly, "It was?" 

"Yep."

"Wow…I've never slapped anyone before, either!"

"Well, you're a born natural."

"I know!" She then sobered. "Why did you go over there anyway?" 

"Well, when you weren't home and it was already way past when his office was supposed to close, and I was worried that I was gonna lose you."

"That's so sweet, but you'll never lose me." She kissed him lightly on the lips. "But what happened when you got there?"

"Well, he told me that stuff about kissing you and sleeping with you and then when I asked him about the bruise on his face he said that you were 'feisty' and that I should know. And then, I punched him in the stomach and he fell to the floor."

Monica's eyes widened in shock. "You punched him?"

"Yup."

"Wow!"

"I can be strong and violent when I want to be!" 

She turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Thank you. But now, I really want you to go back to the sweet and sarcastic Chandler."

"Sounds like sauce for Chinese food." 

"That's sweet and sour."

"Well, I can be sour if you want me to be, too. Just give me a minute to get a lemon…"

"Okay, maybe more sweet and less sarcastic." 

He smiled and learned in to kiss her. However, Monica stopped him.

"Wait, no make up kiss yet!"

"I was hoping for more than a kiss, but okay."

"No, I still haven't forgiven you for staying in your chair all day and ignoring me and forgetting about our date."

"Right. I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry Mon! I'll make it up to you. See, I set up for a romantic dinner, but you were kinda late, so all the candles went out and the food's away, but I can heat up the food and light more candles and…"

"Okay, heat up the food and while it's heating…" Monica got off his lap and locked the door.

"I like the way you think!"

He put the food in the oven and lit more candles. He walked over to Monica, who was now sitting in his chair.

"Wow, this chair _is _really comfortable!"

"I know. And it's even more comfortable when you're in it with me." He smiled suggestively, and slipped underneath her. "Let's say we use this chair for other activities, besides for sitting."

In a seductive tone, she answered, "That's sounds very good, Mr. Bing." 

They began kissing, but a pounding at the door interrupted them. "Come on, I want to sit in the chair!" Joey yelled from the other side. 

"Ignore him," Chandler told her, while kissing her neck. 

"Chandler…we can't do it with him pounding on the door."

"Just block it out."

Monica gave him a look and got up. "Meet you in my room?"

"Okay!"

Monica walked out of the apartment, with Chandler following her. 

"Joe, there's food in the oven, but _don't_ eat it!"

"You got it."

Joey watched as Chandler left the apartment and went across the hall, shutting the door behind him. He looked up and down the hall, and shut his door quickly. He then opened the oven and tried to get the food out. However, he burnt his hand. 

"Damn you food!" Joey yelled, but tried again. "Oww! How do you work an oven? Oh well, guess I'll just have a beer." 

Okay, I know that Richard isn't that big of a jerk on the show, but he is here. Well, he did try to get Monica to marry him…but then again, he let Chandler go after her. I hate that part. They're lucky the actual proposal's sweet, cuz I'd be really mad otherwise. I end up hating Monica in that epi. Anyways, please read and review, thanks! (but not if u're gonna tell me that I did Richard wrong, b/c I know already!)


	10. Chapter 10

Hmm…I wonder how many days it'll take me before I finish this chapter. Life's really hectic right now. I'm taking a break from hw, so I'll write a little now. But I have to go out later tonight, and ahh… Anywayz, thanks for the great reviews! I've had this idea floating around in my so called brain for a while now, but I guess I'll havta see if it works as well on…screen…as it does in my head. Please read and review, thanks!:-) Warning: there is a tiny bit of Ross and Rachel in here…not sure if that's a good thing or bad, for u, but it's not enough to matter. I've never really written w/ them together before, so this will be new. 

**Disclaimer: **Hmmm…let me check…nope, still don't own them. For a minute there I thought I found the characters, but I realized it was just my foot. 

Rachel and Ross walked into Central Perk holding hands. They arrived at their usual spot, and sat down. The rest of the gang was already there, when the two arrived. 

"Aww," Phoebe cooed, "You two look so cute."

Rachel smiled broadly. "Thank you."

"Yeah, I'm glad you two worked things out," Chandler agreed.

"So are we," Ross informed them.

Chandler looked at his watch and sighed. "Guess I should get to work…"

"Yeah me too." Ross turned to Rachel and gave her a kiss on the lips. "See ya tonight, Rach."

"I'll be thinking about you all day."

Joey interrupted their conversation. "Me too!"

Chandler raised his eyebrows. "Joey, is there something about you that you should tell us?" 

"What?"

"You're gonna be thinking about _Ross_ all day?"

"Hell yeah! He's getting us those Knicks tickets today, remember?"

"Right!" Chandler patted Ross on the back, "I'll be thinking about you, too, Ross."

"Great. Just remember you two date _women_."

"We're not gonna be thinking about you like that." Joey paused. "Well, I can't speak for Chandler…" 

"Ha, ha. I should go before the comedian, over here, comes up with more oh so _not _funny jokes." 

"I should go, too," Joey said, but made no move to get up. 

"Ok, get out of here already!" Phoebe yelled, aggravated.

"What?"

"Well, you guys keep saying you're gonna leave, so leave!"

"Ok, sorry Pheebs…"

"It's okay. I just don't like when people say they're gonna leave, but don't."

Chandler gave her a baffled look, but didn't press on the topic. "Bye everyone." Chandler turned to leave, but Monica cleared her throat, annoyed at him. He laughed and turned and squeezed Monica's hand. "Bye babe." With that, he, Ross, and Joey left the coffee house.

"So?" Phoebe turned to Rachel, "Things hot and heavy with you and Ross?"

"Of course."

"It's so sweet! I'm so jealous. You're in such a good relationship…finally."

"Yeah, it took us a while, but it's been _so _worth it."

Phoebe turned to Monica, who was sipping her coffee and reading a magazine. "Isn't Rachel so lucky?"

"About what?"

"About her relationship with Ross!"

"Uh-huh," Monica said, distractedly.

"You don't seem too excited about it," Rachel accused.

"Well, I am."

"I agree. You really don't seem to care. Don't you care about your brother and one of your best friends?!"

"I do care."

"You know Mon, just because your relationship with Chandler isn't as good as my relation…"

Monica cut her off. "What did you just say?"

Rachel laughed. "Come off it, Mon. I mean Ross is just so much more romantic and sweet and loving than Chandler."

"Excuse me?!"

"Uh-oh…" Phoebe whispered. 

"Well, it's just that your relationship…it was just spontaneous, ya know? Like one minute you two are just friends hanging out, and then, all the sudden, you two are drunk and making out. It's not that romantic."

"Well, it could've been more romantic, if some of our friends hadn't gotten in the way."

"Yeah, you're right. If Joey hadn't come into his and Chandler's apartment, you two would've had sex while you were both as drunk as sailors. Real romantic…"

"Yeah well, maybe that part wasn't too romantic, but there are other parts…"

"Like?"

"You know what? I don't have to defend my relationship with Chandler! We're just as romantic…no, more romantic than any other couple!" 

Rachel laughed at Monica's comment. "Right, sure…I mean did you see how he barely said good-bye to you this morning? I mean he forgot about you, until you reminded him!" 

"That's not true!"

"Yeah it is!"

They both turned to Phoebe for judgment. 

Phoebe looked away. "Well, he _did _kinda forget about you this morning."

"What?! No, he was just busy! He was busy talking." 

"Sure, Mon…" Rachel said smugly. 

"He _is _more romantic, I'm telling you!"

"Uh-huh…so what did you do for your first date?"

"We went to a restaurant."

"Yeah, how original!" Rachel quipped. "Ross and I spent time under the stars in the planetarium. It was just…breathtaking."

"Yeah, cause he had to go into work! And fix up dinosaur bones and stuff…real romantic." 

"Well, _that _wasn't romantic. But afterwards…"

"No, no, you don't know what you're…"

"Yeah, I do!"

Monica and Rachel began to bicker back and forth for some time until Phoebe became fed-up with the two of them. 

"Okay, okay, enough! Here's what we'll do. We'll have a contest."

"Yeah?" Rachel questioned, "I like the sound of that. Monica, you're going down!"

"You don't even know what the contest is yet!" Monica yelled.

Rachel looked away, sheepishly. "Right." 

Monica rolled her eyes. "So what kind of contest are you thinking of?"

"Well, you two could, like compare which one of your boyfriends are more romantic in the next week, or so, and then at the end of the week, I'll decide who's in the better relationship."

"Okay…" Monica said skeptically, "But how will you know if we're telling the truth."

"Well," Rachel answered for Phoebe, "She'd know I was telling the truth because I don't have a reason to lie. You on the other hand…"

"Hey, hey, no badgering the contestant!"

"Yeah!"

"Sorry."

"Anyway, I'll be the judge, and I'll watch you."

"How will you watch us?" Monica wondered. 

"I have my ways…"

"I dunno…" Monica said.

"Okay!" Rachel agreed.

"Monica…?"

"What?" Rachel teased, "You chicken?"

"No!"

"Well then?"

Monica paused for a moment. "Okay, you're on!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Later that day, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel were congregated around the kitchen table in Monica and Rachel's apartment. It was completely silent, but the tension was bluntly obvious. 

Phoebe broke the silence. "I can't take it anymore! Somebody talk!"

"I have nothing to say," Monica huffed.

"Me neither!" Rachel agreed angrily. 

"Fine, then I'll talk. So today, I met this guy on the subway and we spoke in Japanese." 

"Really?" Monica wondered.

"Pheebs, I didn't know you spoke Japanese!"

"Oh I don't." Off Monica and Rachel's confused looks, she continued, "But it got you guys talking." 

Monica and Rachel groaned in unison. 

"Fine, don't talk. I can entertain myself with…" she looked down at the kitchen table, "this fork." Phoebe picked it up and began drumming on the table."

"Phoebe, will you stop that?!" Monica demanded angrily. 

"Sorry."

"No, Pheebs, don't stop and definitely don't apologize! Monica doesn't deserve it."

"Hey!"

"Well you…" Rachel began, but Monica cut her off. 

The two continued to bicker until Ross entered the apartment. 

"Ross!" Rachel greeted, over-excitedly, while jumping up to greet him. She then kissed him passionately. 

When she broke the kiss, Ross smiled childishly. "Wow…"

"Yeah, I know." She paused and gave Monica a triumphant look. "How was your day, sweetie?" 

"Well," Ross began, "Today, at the museum, Carl said that these tyrannosaurs fossils were found in China…" Ross began laughing, "But he's wrong. See they were really found in…"

Rachel cut him off anxiously. "Okay! Enough about your day!"

"Ha!" 

All eyes turned to Monica when she said that. She blushed, and held up a Popsicle stick. In an embarrassed tone she said, "Funny joke on here."

"Right…" Rachel said, unconvinced. 

"Okay, well I'm gonna go," Monica decided. She walked passed Rachel and whispered harshly, "And I'm gonna beat you!"

Rachel rolled her eyes dramatically. 

"What are you gonna beat her at?" Ross questioned. 

Phoebe decided to answer for Monica. "Writing a better Popsicle stick joke."

"Oh," Ross answered, unfazed. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Meanwhile, Chandler was working in his office. He was rolling a pen back and forth on his desk, with his feet up. His phone began to ring, but Chandler didn't answer it. 

"Damn secretary's day," Chandler mumbled as he picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey Chandler," he heard from the other end.

"Hey Mon, what's up?"

"Oh, nothing much. I was just wondering what we were gonna do tonight."

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to the Knicks game."

"Chandler!"

"What?"

"How could you just make plans without telling me?!"

"Well…last time I checked…this _was _a free country."

"Yeah, well, it's not a free country when you're dating me."

"I'm so glad we got together," Chandler quipped.

"Uch, Chandler! Anyway, how could you do that to me? _To us_!"

"What?! Two nights ago, you went out with Rachel without telling me. How is this any different?" 

"Uch, Rachel."

"What? What's wrong with Rachel?"

"What?" Monica asked obliviously. 

"You didn't sound too happy with her, when I mentioned her name."

"I'm not mad at Rachel."

"I didn't ask if you were mad at her, but okay."

"Chandler! You know what, just go! Have fun at your little game. But remember, I'll be here _all alone_."

"What? What about Rachel and Phoebe."

"Uch, Rachel."

"There! You did it again!"

"Did what?"

Chandler moaned. "Nothing."

"So, who are you going with?"

"Joey and Ross."

Monica perked up. "Yeah? With Ross?" 

"Yeah…he's the one who got us the tickets."

"Perfect."

"Huh?"

"Nothing."

"Okay, you're confusing me, Mon."

"Don't worry about it. Everything's fine. You go to your game _with Ross_. And have fun, _with Ross_."

"Why do you keep emphasizing 'with Ross'?"

"No I don't."

"Yeah, you just said…never mind. I have to get back to work, Mon. I'll see ya tonight, after the game?"

"Of course. Bye Chandler," she said seductively. 

Chandler hung up the phone, and looked at it pensively for a moment. "Women…" He decided as he began rolling his pen back and forth on his desk again. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"What an awesome game!" Joey enthused as he, Ross, and Chandler walked through the hallway in their apartment building. 

"Yeah it was!" Ross agreed. 

"Totally!" 

"Hey, you guys wanna go out and get some drinks? Pick up some chicks?" Off their looks, he opened his eyes wide in remembrance. "Right…you two have to get up early for your work tomorrow."

"What?!" Ross asked, insulted, "We have girlfriends!"

"Remember? Your _friends…_" Chandler pointed out.  
Joey smiled sheepishly. "Right."

"Anyway, I should really go and say hi to Monica. She seemed mad about the fact that I wasn't going to be home tonight…among other things."

"What?" Ross questioned.

"Well, first she was mad that I was going out, then she got mad that I mentioned Rachel, and then she sounded mad at you."

"At me? I didn't do anything."

Chandler shrugged his shoulders. 

"Come to think of it, Rachel's been acting weird, too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Whenever I come into a room, when there are other people in there, she greets me with this breathtaking kiss."

"And that's weird?" Joey questioned, "Jeez, Ross, I feel bad for you."

Ross gave Joey an angry look and then continued, "I wonder what's up with them…"

All three of them looked away thoughtfully. 

After a moment, Joey interrupted. "Hey, if I were to put my shoe through the trash shoot, where do you think it will end up?"

"In China," Chandler joked.

Joey looked up excitedlyl. "Really?"

At first, Chandler looked shocked that Joey took him seriously. However, he sobered. "That's right, Joe. It's a passageway through the Earth, to the other side."

"Really? Wow, we shouldn't dump our trash in China. They have plenty of problems already. Ya know, with the over-population and all."

"How do you know about that?" Ross wondered.

"It was a joke in playboy."

"You read the jokes?" Ross asked, shocked.

"Yeah, well, I was in the bathroom, and when you're doin' number two, it's not really all that pleasant to have a naked girl looking up at you."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chandler entered Monica and Rachel's apartment. The living room was empty, so he knocked on Monica's door.

"Mon?"

"Come in," Monica answered seductively. 

Suddenly, Phoebe popped up from the other side of the bathroom door.

"Monica!"

Chandler screamed and jumped in fear.

"Wow, Chandler, you scare easy." Phoebe paused. "That's good to know."

"What…what…what are you doing here?"

"Nothing. But I need to talk to Monica for a minute." She raised her voice. "Monica! Come out, I need to talk to you."

"Hold on!"

Monica emerged in a red, silk robe. "What?"

Phoebe pulled Monica aside. "You can't seduce him. That's cheating!"

"Okay, okay. No seducing."

"That's right. Go get dressed and go be…not sexy!"

Monica headed back towards her room.

"Okay, I'm off," Phoebe stated and walked out the door.

"What?" Chandler followed Monica into her room. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing," Monica answered nonchalantly and began to get dressed.

"What? Why are you dressing? I thought we were gonna…you know?"

"No."

"What? Why not?"

"I don't feel like it."

"What? Why not!?"

"I just don't feel like it."

"Is it something Phoebe said to you?"

"N…no."

Chandler gave her an unconvinced look. 

"It's nothing, okay?"

"Right, it's nothing," Chandler said sarcastically, "That's why that vein is popping out of your forehead."

Monica covered her forehead with her hand for a moment. "Chandler!"

"What? Mon, whatever's going on between you, Phoebe, and Rachel has gone too far."

"Who said it has anything to do with Rachel?"

"Come on Monica. I'm not stupid." 

"I can't tell you."

Chandler rolled his eyes. "Why not?"

"Because, then I'll lose!"

"Lose at what?!"

Monica smiled and pointed a finger at Chandler. "You thought you were gonna get me to confess, huh?" She laughed and continued, "Well, you're wrong, buddy!"

"Okay Mon, it's getting late and I'm getting tired, so bye."

"Fine, go. See what I care."

Chandler walked out of the apartment and Monica plopped down on the couch.

"Damn Chandler," she mumbled, "I can't lose!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

That night, Ross and Rachel laid in bed together. Suddenly, Rachel began to smile. 

"What is it?" Ross wondered.

"I think I just beat Monica."

"Ya know, mentioning my sister's name right now, isn't really appealing. We've been through this before…"

"No! Finally, I win and she loses!" 

"At what?"

"At nothing."

"What?"

Rachel began to laugh. "It's silly, really."

"Ok? I like silly stories."

"Well, I told Monica that you were more romantic than Chandler, and she didn't believe me, so we've been having a contest."

"You've…you've…you've been having a contest?!"

"Yeah. What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?! What's wrong, she asks!"

"Yeah, I do ask…"

"You're competing about me…with my _sister_! It's absurd!"

"It's really not. Don't worry so much about it."

Ross shook his head woefully. "Women…" 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next morning, Ross entered Joey and Chandler's apartment.

"Hey guys," Ross greeted.

"Hey Ross."

"Hey," Joey said with a mouth full of cereal.

Ross looked at Joey, disgusted. "I thought you always ate breakfast at Mon's."

"I do. This is just my first course."

"You're breakfast has more than one course?"

"Yours doesn't?" Joey wondered.

"Anyway…" Ross turned to Chandler, "So, have you heard about the girls' contest?"

"No. What contest?"

"You haven't heard?"

What contest?" Joey wondered. "Ooo, is it like one of those contests to see which girl is the better kisser? And they practice on each other…" Joey looked away dreamily.

"No!" 

"Yeah, and don't fantasize about my girlfriend and my…sister like that!"

"Sorry."

"So what kind of contest?" Chandler tried again.

"Well, it seems that Rachel told Monica that I was more romantic than you are."

Joey began laughing. "So?"

"I don't know. The girls are making a big fuss out of it."

"So, that's why Monica's been acting so weird!"

"Yup and same with Rachel. Apparently, Phoebe's their judge." 

"I don't know about Monica and Rachel," Joey commented, "But I would've expected better from Phoebe."

Ross and Chandler nodded in agreement.

"Well, you know what you have to do?" Joey asked smugly.

"Tell them to drop it and that they're lucky that we're both more romantic than you are?" Chandler wondered.

"Well, yeah. But before that, you could, ya know, teach them a lesson."

"You've been watching too much I Love Lucy," Ross warned.

"Yeah, I know. But come on! It would work. And besides, it could be fun."

"Well…" Chandler hesitated.

"Come on!"

"I'm in!" Ross agreed.

"Chandler?"

"Ok," Chandler relented, "I'm in. But we can't do anything too bad. I really don't feel like going back to abstinence." 

To be continued… I seriously didn't mean to make this a two parter, but it's getting really long and it's kinda late, and I'm tired. Anyway, sorry it took me so long to get this posted…a week to be exact…but as I've said before, life's a bitch. Well, I didn't say it like that, but u get the picture. Okay, please leave a review! Thanks. Hope this was worth the wait…;-)


	11. Chapter 11 pt 2 of ch 10

TOA The lesbian Wedding

Yeah, so I don't know how long it'll be before this chapter's up, but I am now banned from the freakin' computers w/ internet for a week cuz, well, long story short, there was yelling and fighting and my parents favor my brother. But they can't watch me 24/7…  Ok, I recommend reading the last chapter before this one first, cuz u'll probably get a little lost, if u don't. Please read and review and cheer me up. Thanks! 

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own these characters, but if you wanna get them for me, be my guest.

The next morning, the gang, aside from Monica and Phoebe were sitting in Central Perk. After a little while, Monica and Phoebe hustled into the coffee shop. 

"Rachel," Monica said angrily, "Can we speak to you for a moment?"

"Need to practice kissing, huh?" Joey raised his eyebrows. 

"Eww!" All three women yelled at the same time.

The women went to the back of the coffee house.

"What?" Rachel asked, irritated. 

"Well, I believe you told Ross about our contest!" Monica accused.

"What? No I didn't."

Monica turned to Phoebe and smiled. "Phoebe…"

Phoebe took out a small tape player and pressed play.

_"Well, I told Monica that you were more romantic than Chandler, and she didn't believe me, so we've been having a contest."_

_"You've…you've…you've been having a contest?!"_

Rachel gasped. "What…how did you…"

Monica smiled triumphantly. "Phoebe kept a tape recorder in Ross' apartment. 

"What?! You invaded my privacy!"

"You said I could."

"When?"

"When I asked you in my head." Phoebe paused. "Oh, right."

"Phoebe!"

"Well, I'm sorry."

Rachel looked away sheepishly. "Did you…umm…tape us the entire time we were in there?"

"Yup. Wanna hear it?"

Rachel chucked uncomfortably. "No!" 

"Okay."

"Well maybe just a little." She took the tape recorder and hastily left the coffee shop. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          While the girls were in the back, the guys stayed in their spot and began to discuss their plan.

"So, we just have to be really un-romantic," Ross informed Chandler.

"Ok, so how do we do that?"

"Just do what you'd do if you were me," Joey explained.

"So sit around, eat sandwiches, watch TV, and talk dirty?"

"Look at porn, too."

"We don't want them to break up with us!" Ross told Joey.

"Fine, fine. No porn."

"Okay, I think I can handle that," Chandler decided.

"Me too. But Chandler," Ross warned, "Don't tell Monica until she tells you about her contest."

"I know! What makes you think that I would tell her before then?"

"Come on, Chandler…it's Monica. We know how she can be."

"Yeah, she'll wanna win at all costs."

"I won't give in! But Ross, same goes for you and Rachel."

Ross chuckled.

"What? She has you wrapped around her pinky finger."

"It's true, Ross."

"W…wha…no she doesn't."

Chandler and Joey gave him skeptical looks.

"You guys don't know what you're talking about."

"Right…"

          At that point, Phoebe and Monica returned to their spots.

"So, what were you girls talking about?" Chandler wondered. 

"Nothing!" Phoebe and Monica answered simultaneously. 

"Sure sounds like nothing," Ross teased.

"Yeah baby!"

The rest of them gave Joey a look. 

"Or not…"

"Well, I'm gonna go upstairs," Monica commented. Before leaving, she elbowed Chandler hard in the arm.

"Oww!" he yelled, "What was that for?!"

Monica smiled innocently. "Just felt like it."

Chandler looked at her, puzzled, while she left the shop. When she was outside she said under her breath, "That's for almost letting me lose, Bing!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          Monica barged into her apartment, angrily. Rachel was sitting at the kitchen table, listening to Phoebe's tape recorder. When she saw Monica, she quickly pressed stop and hid the tape recorder in her lap.

"I know what you're doing. You don't have to hide it."

Rachel smiled. "Wanna hear?"

"Eww, and _ewwwww!_ That's my brother!"

Rachel laughed and Monica threw her an irritated look.

"So, the contest still on?"

"Well, Ross knows about it now! So, no way! He'll do anything for you. I mean if you asked him to help you cheat to win, he would."

"Yeah I know." Rachel paused. "Well, I'll just tell him the contest's off and you won."

"Fine, I guess that'll work. Ross _is _pretty gullible."

"So, the contest is still on. May the best woman win."

Monica smiled deviously. "I will!" 

          Later that day, Ross entered Chandler and Joey's apartment, but only Chandler was there.

"So," he began, "Rachel tells me the contest is over and Monica won."

"Really? Do you think it's _really _over?" Chandler wondered.

"No. Rachel's still acting thesame way towards me as she did before. Plus, she'd be a lot angrier if Monica had actually won."

"Ok, so we're still on."

"Yup."

"Okay, now it's time for me to put the plan into action."

"Good. I've already started with Rachel."

"Yeah? How'd she take it?"

"She was pretty mad."

"Monica's gonna kill me, isn't she?"

"Yeah, good luck with her, man."

Chandler gulped and went across the hall.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "Hey Chan…" Monica greeted, but stopped when she saw him. "Why are you wearing sweats?! I thought we were going out tonight!"

"Oh, we are."

"So, what's with the clothes?"

"What's wrong with them?"

"Well, you look you're leaving the house after spending a day in front of the television, watching cartoons." 

"And I didn't?"

"Well, you're not supposed to look like you did!"

"It's not like we're doing anything fancy. We're just going to see a movie and then get pizza."

"Pizza?! Who said we're getting pizza."

"Well, I'm paying, and I was in the mood for pizza. But if you don't want it…"

"Fine," Monica relented, "But change!"

"Okay."

          Once Chandler changed into jeans and a knit shirt, he and Monica went to the pizza shop.

"Oh, well this is a great place for us to go out on a date, isn't it? I mean it's nice and cozy."

"Oh yeah, it's really nice…for a high school date!"

"Hey, I said we could do something else, but you agreed to do pizza."

Monica groaned in response. 

"Ya know, Mon," Chandler whispered in her ear, "I could get you to groan a lot more later on…"

Monica looked at Chandler angrily. "Oh yeah, real sexy!"

Chandler smiled. "Thanks."

"At this rate, there's not gonna be a later on! What's up with you?"

"Nothing's up with me! What's up with you?"

"Nothing's up with me!"

"Well, then, it looks like we have no problem."

"Guess not."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          Meanwhile, Ross and Rachel were also out on a date. They were sitting in a small Italian restaurant. Ross was in the middle of telling Rachel a story, while she was completely bored. 

"…And the fossils are then cleaned carefully by the archeologist and then brought to the…"

"Okay, Ross! I know that you love dead dinosaurs and whatever, but some of us aren't interested."

Ross chuckled. "Oh, I'm sorry." However, he continued his story. "And then when they're taken to the…"

Rachel sighed and turned to the isle. "Waiter, check please! _Please_!" 

"What? You don't like my story?"

Rachel stared at Ross for a moment. "Honestly? No, I hate your story. I could care less about the process fossils are put through."

"Well, I'm sorry…"

"Let's talk about something else…like this beautiful night…a romantic song…a dance…"

"Rach…"

"Okay, yes! We're still competing, okay! But I need to win!"

"Why?"

"Because, it's Monica! And Monica _always_ wins!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "Chandler!" Monica scolded as they walked through the streets, "I can't believe you got us kicked out of the damn movie theater!"

"Well, I'm sorry. It was a boring movie. I couldn't keep my eyes open."

"Since when do you snore loud enough to wake the dead?!"

"My nose is stuffed up."

"I'll give you more than a stuffy nose," she muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"What are you doing?!" she asked angrily.

"What?"

"Why can't you be more romantic!?"

"I think I'm plenty romantic."

"Well, not enough for me to win!" Monica gasped and covered her mouth.

Chandler smiled triumphantly. "Win what?"

"N…nothing!"

Chandler looked at Monica skeptically. 

"We have this contest…"

"To see whose boyfriend is more romantic, yeah I know."

"What?! You know?!"

"Why do you think I've been acting so different?"

"What?"

"Ross and I are playing a trick on you girls."

"What?"

"We're both trying to be unromantic, so that you both lose." Chandler smiled proudly at himself. "Looks like it worked." 

"Urgh, Chandler!" She paused pensively,  "Ok, You never told me that you know, and I never told you about our contest!"

"What?!"

"That's the spirit! Ok kiss me, tell me you love me, make slow, sweet love to me."

Chandler groaned. "Come on, Mon. I thought if I told you, you'd quit this stupid game!"

"But I have to win!"

"Why?"

"'Cause I'm Monica. And I _always_ win!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          The next morning, Ross and Chandler barged into Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe and Joey followed closely after.

"Monica, Rachel!" Ross called, "Come out here now!"

"What?" Monica asked, groggily.

"Who dares to wake me up?!" Rachel hissed.

"Here's what's gonna happen," Chandler explained, "Monica, you are going to apologize to Rachel and Rachel you will apologize to Mon, and you will both call it a tie and leave it be!"

Monica opened her mouth to protest, but Chandler cut her off. "Come on Mon. I thought what we have is special. I thought we loved each other, Mon. That's all that should matter." He sat down next to Monica on the sofa and stroked her cheek. "It shouldn't matter what Rachel or Phoebe think about us. All that matters is what we think about our relationship. Now, do you think I'm not romantic enough?"

Monica looked away. "No, I think you're very romantic, but…"

Chandler cut her off again. "But nothing. That's all that matters."

Monica smiled slightly. "You're right Chandler. I was just, upset, ya know, that someone would think that you weren't romantic."

When she said that, the gang turned to Rachel.

"What?"

Monica rolled her eyes and continued, "But you're completely right. We love each other, and that's all that counts."

"There ya go!" Ross commented. 

Chandler leaned in and kissed Monica passionately. 

"Yeah baby!" 

"Aww…" Phoebe cooed, "I didn't know Chandler could be so sweet. Mon, you'd better watch out."

Rachel looked away, angrily. "Ross! Why don't you ever say that kind of stuff to me?"

"W…w..wh?"

"Urgh!" Rachel stormed off into her room.

Monica smiled triumphantly. "Oh how the tables have turned." 

"Okay, that's enough glory for you."

"Just one more thing?"

"Fine."

Monica got up and knocked on Rachel door. When Rachel opened it, Monica teased, "Ha ha! I win, I win, I win! Who has the best boyfriend now?!"

"Urgh!" Rachel slammed the door shut again.

"That was so dignified," Chandler quipped.

"I know!" 

Hey, okay, I know that this idea has kinda been done 5th season, but I wanted it to be like everyone competing. Well, it was pretty much everyone. Like in tow the embryos. They need to do more of that on Friends! Anyway, please read and review, thanks!:-) 


	12. Chapter 12

TOA The Lesbian Wedding-Chapter 12

Hey, after a gruesome week, I'm back! Midterms sure were a bitch. It takes a lot out of ya, I'll tell ya that. I have one more on Monday, but it's in the afternoon, so I get to sleep late. :o) And, it's English, so all I have left to do is re-learning my vocab. I'm so happy it's almost over. Anyways, please read and review and if it's worse than normal, that's cuz I'm really exhausted and totally burned out. Thanks!

**Disclaimer: **Nothing's changed…I still don't own the characters. Are you surprised? 

Ross entered Central Perk and headed over to the rest of the gang, who was already congregated there, drinking coffee and engaged in conversation.

"Hey guys," Ross greeted, while sitting down next to Rachel on the orange couch. He then kissed Rachel and said, "Hey Rach." 

"Hey you."

"So, Mon, did you hear about the party mom's throwing for dad's birthday this year?"

"No," Monica answered, irritated, "And I just spoke to mom last night. But did she tell me? Noooo!"

"Oh, well, it's in two weeks."

"She never tells me anything."

Ross smiled sympathetically at Monica and then turned to Rachel. "Rach, will you come with me?"

"Sure, why not? You're dad's a nice guy. A little out of it at times, but nice."

"Yeah, well actually, she wanted me to invite all you guys to come with."

Monica looked away nervously. "Really? I don't think we have to bring everyone…"

"Why not?" Phoebe wondered, "I want to go."

"Me too!" Joey whined. 

"You know, there probably aren't gonna be any hot chicks there," Ross informed him. 

Joey looked uncertain for a minute. "I still wanna go."

"Really?" Chandler wondered.

"Yeah, it's something nice to do for my friends."

They all looked at him, unconvinced.

"Okay, the free food."

"That sounds more like Joey," Chandler commented.

"I don't even think I'm going to go this year."

"What?!" Ross demanded, "Why?!"

"Because…"

"Dad's gonna be crushed if you don't go."

Monica snorted. "He missed my birthdays, and recitals, and graduation, and…"

"Ok, ok, so maybe he wasn't always there for us…"

"For me," Monica corrected, "He was there for you."

Ross rolled his eyes. "Okay, so maybe he wasn't always there for you, but it really will mean a lot to him if you go."

"No, no, I just…I don't wanna go."

"Why?" Rachel questioned.

"I just…I don't wanna go, okay?"

"You have to have a reason," Phoebe informed her.

"Because…"

"And because is not a reason!"

"It's just, I know my mom's gonna harass me unmercifully."

"How do you know that?"

"Come on, Ross. Let's look at this realistically. I don't have a good, steady job, I have no money, and as far as mom knows, no boyfriend…"

"What?!" Chandler demanded, in a high-pitched voice, "You never told your mom about us?"

"Well…"

"Uh-oh," Phoebe breathed.

"Trouble in paradise," Rachel sung quietly.

"Hey, you would've never told your mom we were dating if it hadn't been for the reunion. You told your mom about us like a day before she saw me!"

"Yeah, well…" Chandler struggled for a counter-argument, "You speak to your mom more than I speak to mine."

Monica rolled her eyes dramatically. "Fine, I didn't tell my mom about us because…she's…very…picky and well…"

"What?"

"I don't think she'll want us to date."

"Why not?"

"Cause of a lot of reasons."

"What sort of reasons?"

"Well, mainly, she thinks you're immature."

"Why would she think that?"

"Need I remind you of the incident of '93?"

Chandler looked away sheepishly. "Right."

Ross laughed. "Yeah, she refers to you as my 'fairy friend who fell into the toilet'."

"Hey, I didn't fall into the toilet…it was the sink."

"Sure, sure," Ross joked.

"And I am not gay!"

The other remaining three looked on at them with curious faces.

"You don't wanna know," Monica responded. 

Ross changed the topic back. "Come on, just go. I'll try to keep mom away from you."

"I dunno…"

"And, you don't have to tell mom about you and Chandler if you don't want to."

"Well, I guess so…"

"Oo, yay!" Phoebe enthused, "This is so exciting!" 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "This is so boring," Phoebe moaned. They had arrived at the party about twenty minutes before.

"I know," Rachel sighed, "When's it going to start?"

"I think it already did," Chandler informed her, deadpanned. 

"Wow."

"Where are Ross and Mon?" Joey wondered.

"Umm…Ross' outside with his father, who's showing him this birdhouse that he built."

They all turned to Rachel with confused looks on their faces.

"Don't look at me. It's not my dad!"

"So where's Monica?" Chandler wondered.

"I think she's helping her mother in the kitchen."

"Uh-oh, I think I hear trouble brewing in the midst," Chandler sighed. 

"I don't hear it," Joey said, straining his ears to hear. 

Chandler rolled his eyes and headed towards the kitchen. 

"I still don't hear any fight!" Joey complained.

Rachel patted his knee, consolingly. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "So Monica…" her mother began, "Where's Ross?"

"Oh, I dunno, dad grabbed him right when we got here to show him his birdhouse or something."

"Oh yes," Judy recalled bitterly, "The birdhouse." 

Both Monica and Judy continued to prepare the food, silently. 

"So…how are things going in the unemployed chef business?"

"Fine."

"You need a job, Monica." 

Monica sighed. "I'm looking, mother."

"Ya know, if you had a husband, this wouldn't be such a problem."

"I know, mother," she responded, almost mechanically. 

"Or at least a steady boyfriend. I mean you could always move in with him if things were really bad…"

"I know, mom."

"Such a shame. You should have a boyfriend by now. Where are you looking these days anyhow?"

Monica shrugged.

Judy looked at her daughter incredulously. "You are looking for a boyfriend, aren't you?"

"Of course," Monica lied. 

Judy looked away thoughtfully for a moment. "I think I have the perfect person to set you up with."

"Mother…"

"No, no, you'll really like him. You know our friends, the Goldmans?"

"Yes."

"Well, their son, Michael, is thirty one, and he's so perfect for you."

Monica questioned her mother skeptically, "How is he perfect for me?"

"Well, he's handsome and a doctor. What more do you need?"

"Nothing more," Monica replied, trying to hide her sarcasm.

"You should really consider it, dear. In fact, I think they said he was stopping by today…"

She interrupted her mother, "Oh great,"

"To see you."

Monica looked on at her mother, in shock. "Excuse me?"

"That's the way you thank your mother?"

Monica smiled a fake smile. When her mother turned around, her smile was replaced with a scowl and she growled, "I don't think you wanna see the way I'd thank you…"

"What's that dear?" Judy called, "Don't talk under your breath. It's rude."

Monica rolled her eyes. "Sorry, mom."

Just then, Chandler entered the kitchen. "Hello ladies," he greeted.

"Hey Chandler," Monica replied happily.

"Toilet boy," Judy whispered under her breath.

Chandler looked away nervously.

Judy used her best, fake, pleasant voice. "Can we help you?"

"Yes, I'm very sorry to interrupt, but I need to speak to Monica for a moment."

"Do you have to speak to her now? We're working."

"It's urgent and it'll only take a second."

"Well, all right."

Monica followed Chandler out of the kitchen, quickly.

"Is there anywhere we can go to talk, privately?"

Monica looked around the house. "I guess we can go into my room."

They headed upstairs and entered Monica's former room, now weight room. 

"So, this is your room?"

"_Was_ my room."

"Right."

"What's so urgent that you had to get me up here?"

"This." He leaned in and kissed Monica passionately on the lips. After a moment, Monica leaned back and smiled.

"Thank you, but I don't think we should be doing this."

"Why not?" he whined, in a childish manner.

"Because," she whispered sharply, "My parents could come in at any moment!"

Chandler went over to the doorknob and examined it. "Isn't there a lock on here?"

"Who needs a lock? _We're all family_."

Chandler laughed and hugged her sympathetically. 

"That was actually just my mom's code for, 'Why use a lock? I'm just going to get into your room and snoop anyway'."

"Sounds like my mom. Except that hers was code for 'who needs a lock when I'm doing the same thing as you in the next room'."

Monica laughed and buried her head in his shoulder. "Parents."

"You're telling me."

"Well, I should get back downstairs before my mom sends a search party."

He let go of Monica, but still held her hand. "Meet me back up here in a half an hour?"

"Okay!"

"Okay!" Chandler agreed. 

He let go and they both headed back out to the party. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          All of the guests were sitting in the living room listening to Mr. Geller make a speech. "I'm so glad you could all be here. It's very exciting to be turning…" He turned to Judy in confusion, "How old am I turning again?"

"Jack, just sit down," Judy demanded harshly.

"Okay." 

After that, the doorbell rang and Judy got up hastily to get it. "I bet it's him!" 

"Who?" Ross wondered.

"Uh-oh," Monica breathed.

"Michael!" Judy greeted warmly, "It's a pleasure to see you again."

"Thank you, Mrs. Geller. And same to you."

"Oh please," Judy insisted, "Call me Judy. In fact, call me mother."

Monica sighed heavily and rubbed her temples in distress. 

"Oh Monica," Judy called from the other room, "I have someone I'd like you to meet."

Ross turned to Monica, with a look of horror on his face. "Did she…?"

Monica nodded forcefully.

"What?" Rachel wondered.

"My mother's trying to…uh…set Monica up with someone."

Chandler jumped out of his chair. "What?!"

"Don't worry, Chandler, I'll get rid of him."

"You'd better."

"Or else what?"

"I'll…I'll…I'll…"

"Beat him up," Joey finished for him.

The rest of them began to laugh. 

"Hey, it's not that unlikely! I punched that Richard guy in the stomach, didn't I?"

She rubbed his shoulder soothingly. 

"Monica!" her mother called again, more sharply, "Come in here please."

She sighed and slowly made her way into the other room. 

"Monica," Judy pointed at a tall man with dark hair, wearing an expensive gray suit, "This is Michael."

"Pleasure to meet you," he greeted. He took her hand and kissed her knuckles.

Monica forced a smile on her face. "It's nice to meet you, too." He was about to talk again, but she cut him off. "I should get going. I'll see you later."

Monica headed for the other room, but her mother chased after her. "What was that?"

"What was what?"

"You just ignored him."

"Did I?"

"No wonder you can't keep a boyfriend. Now sit down and talk to him!" 

"Urgh, fine!"

Judy practically dragged Monica back to the door, where Michael was still standing. "So, you two should get to talking." 

"Right…"

"I'll just leave you kids alone." 

"So…" Michael began.

"So…"

Suddenly, the rest of the gang entered the room where Michael and Monica were sitting.

"Thank you," she mouthed to them as they sat down.

"Michael, I'd like you to meet my friends." She pointed to each while saying their names, "Rachel, my brother Ross, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler." She smiled reassuringly at Chandler after she said his name, and he smiled back. 

"You guys," Joey complained, "I'm so bored! When's the food coming out?"

"Soon Joey," Monica assured him, "Soon."

"Fine, but if it doesn't come soon, I'm raiding your 'fridge." 

"Okay, deal."

The friends continued to talk, completely leaving Michael out of their conversation. However, Michael noticed the sweet looks that Monica was giving Chandler and he began to become jealous.

"So Chandler?" He began, "That's an interesting name."

"Yeah well…" 

"Sounds kind of…sissy to me."

"It isn't actually," Phoebe informed him, unaware that he was trying to insult Chandler, "I knew this tough Chandler who used to beat the crap out of street thugs. He lived in an abandoned barn house. Although, I did know a Michael who was very wimpy, not that I think about it…"

"Oh no, wait," Chandler directed to Michael, "That's you."

The food was finally brought, cutting through the intensity that had filled the room. People got up and began to serve themselves, although Joey piled almost all of the food on his own plate. 

"Can I get you some food?" Michael wondered.

"Yeah."

Chandler stared at her, surprised.

"If you could get me a lot of everything…like three plates full…that would be great."

Chandler smiled, when he realized what she was trying to do.

"Okay…"

Monica smiled sweetly. "Thank you."

Michael left to get the food, and Chandler squeezed Monica's hand. "Wanna go back into your old room?"

"Okay!"

          Chandler and Monica headed upstairs to her old room hastily. When they got in, Chandler shut the door and began kissing Monica. He pushed her down gently onto the treadmill and began to kiss her neck. 

"You know what I just realized?"

"Mmm…?"

"This is probably the most action my room's seen…ever."

"Mmmhmm…" 

"What if someone comes in?" Monica worried.

"Don't worry. Everyone's too busy eating to notice. You know how people get around food." 

"You're right."  

Chandler pulled her shirt off of her and she took of his shirt and pants. They continued kissing until they heard a light taping on the door, and they froze.

"Monica," Judy called through the door, "What are you doing in there? And why did you send Michael to get you all that food. You're not gaining weight again, are you?"  
Chandler and Monica watched in horror as Judy turned the doorknob and came inside. She gasped at the sight in front of her. "Monica!"

"Mom…"

"Please, finish," her mother insisted sarcastically. With that, she turned and left the room in a huff.

Monica looked towards Chandler who was wearing a look of sheer terror on his face. When he noticed her, he turned to her and forced a smile on his face. "Hey it could've been worse. She could've walked in on us while we were actually…"

"Don't even finish that thought!" 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "So, I heard your mom got a nice view of Chandler's ass," Rachel whispered to Monica when she and Chandler had came back downstairs.

"Ha, ha, it's so funny. My life is just one big funny joke, isn't it?!"

"Yeah, it pretty much is," Joey chuckled. He then turned to Chandler. "Dude, you got caught by her mother?! That's like what used to happen to me in high school!" 

"Yeah, well Chandler's making up for all the time he lost then," Phoebe replied.

"Way to hit a man when he's down, Pheebs." 

"Is mom really upset?" Monica wondered nervously.

"Well, after announcing to dad what she saw in front of the entire room, I think it's safe to say yes, she's really upset."

"Yeah, and I wouldn't go in there, if I were you guys," Rachel advised, "You two don't look all that good right now."

"It figures something like this would happen."

"You just couldn't keep your hands off her for a few hours?" Ross wondered in disgust. 

Chandler just shrugged and looked sheepish. 

"I think that there were two guilty parties here," Phoebe teased.

"Phoebe!"

"Right, not a time to joke. I should've realized that since Chandler wasn't making jokes…" 

"What do you think I should do, you guys? She's gonna hate me even more now!"

"She doesn't hate you."

"Yeah right."

"Just tell her that you're in a meaningful relationship with a man who you're in love with."

"Do I have to tell her about the love part?"  

They all nodded back at her. 

"Okay…"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          When the party was over, Monica entered the kitchen, where her mother was feverishly cleaning the dishes. 

"Mom…"

Judy just shook her head and went back to cleaning.

"Mom, will you just listen to me?!"

"What? What could you possibly have to say that could make this any better?"

"I love him."

Judy looked at Monica skeptically.

"What? You don't think that I could love him? You just…you don't see what I see."

"I almost did today."

"No! That's not what I mean. Mom, he's a great guy. And yeah, maybe he's a little immature at times, but he's a guy! I'd be worried if I knew a guy who wasn't immature."

Judy paused pensively for a few moments, "Do you really love him?"

"Yeah."

"And he makes you happy?"

"Very."

"And you're using condoms and birth control pills?"

Monica bit her lip and smiled uncomfortably. "Mom please…I'm not _that _stupid." 

Judy looked at her daughter, unconvinced. "I'll get a prescription on Monday."

"Well then, I just hope that…things work out for you."

Monica smiled widely. "Really?"

"Yeah. I mean it may take a while to get adjusted to the fact that he's the same guy who flung a water balloon last year, but I'll try."

"Thank you, mom." 

"Now go convince your father not to bash Chandler's head in."

Monica laughed, but sobered when she saw her mother's serious expression. "I'm on it." With that, she hastily left the kitchen. 

Ok, well again, I apologize for any mistakes and if it's worse than usual, but I'm about ready to sleep for thirty years. Well, not really, but anyways, please leave me a review! Thanks! :o) 


	13. Chapter 13

TOA The Lesbian Wedding-Chapter 13

Ok, haylo! I'm baaaaack! Anywayz, I started writing this up in study hall today (well by the time I post it, it'll probably not be today)…my last study hall this year *sob*. Second semester starts tomorrow and I have creative writing in place of study hall. I'm so nervous! I'm gonna be the worst writer in the class! Ahh! Anyway, enough about my weird anxieties, I have to give some background before u read. Okay, so Joey has now moved out of his and Chandler's place, **BUT** Eddie has not moved in yet. He annoys the hell outa me. (yes more than Janice! lol) Anywho, on with the show…

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own the clothes on my back…

          The night that Joey moved out, Monica entered Chandler's room, and found him lying on his bed dejectedly. 

"Hey," she greeted cautiously. 

Chandler just moaned in return. 

"Aww sweetie," she soothed, "It'll be okay."

Chandler sat up, visibly upset. "Will it really?! Really?! How?!"

"You'll still stay friends with Joey and you'll find a new roommate."

"What if I don't want a new roommate?" Chandler challenged stubbornly. 

"Fine, then live alone. Whatever you want. It's your choice. Either way, it's a new beginning for you and you just have to deal with it. We've all done it. You did it when Kip moved out."

"Well, what if I don't want a new beginning to deal with?"

Monica smiled and rubbed his arm. "Tough."

Chandler scowled at Monica.

"You know what'll make you feel better?"

Chandler's eyes lit up. "A game room!"

"That wasn't what I was thinking, but okay…"

Chandler smiled seductively. "Were you thinking of what I'm thinking of right now?"

"Yeah! Where's your broom?!"

Chandler rolled his eyes. "Babe, how many times have been through this? That's what cheers _you _up."

Monica pondered his comment for a moment. "Hmm…well if I'm happier, then you'll be happier, too."

"Right…"

"So, where's the broom?!" Monica asked excitedly. 

Chandler closed his eyes and pointed at his closet unenthusiastically. Monica searched the closet for a minute and then pulled out the broom. However, she found something that sparked her interest. She knelt down and looked over to Chandler, who still had his eyes closed. Curiously, she opened a box in his closet and suddenly laughed at what she saw. 

"What's so funny?" Chandler wondered, still keeping his eyes shut. 

Monica was laughing hysterically at that point. "N…nothing," she managed to spit out between fits of giggles. 

Chandler opened his eyes and gasped in horror. "Mon…did you…?"

"Find your books?" she finished, trying to contain her laughed. 

"I…I…" he stuttered. 

"Yes?" 

He mumbled incoherently. 

"That's what I thought," Monica answered complacently. 

"It's not what you think…"

"It's not?" Monica asked mockingly. "So the books Sex for Dummies and How to Please Your Woman in Bed have nothing to do with what I'm thinking?"

"Okay, so maybe it is what you think. Please, please, _please _don't tell anybody!"

"It's not that embarrassing."

"Right," he agreed, unconvinced, "Not embarrassing…"

"I said not _that _embarrassing."

"Come on, Mon. You won't tell?"

"I dunno…what's in it for me?"

"Mon, I bought these when we first got together!" He looked away embarrassed, and continued, "I wanted to…ya know…keep you happy."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah. I don't wanna lose you."

"Aww Chandler, sweetie. You'll never lose me! Not to something as trivial as how good you in bed. What matters is that I love you for who you are." 

Chandler smiled shyly. 

"I love you," she said and kissed him softly, "You are the sweetest."

"I know," Chandler joked and she swatted him playfully on the shoulder. 

Suddenly, Chandler looked away, deep in thought.

"What's wrong?"

"See, we love each other, right?"

"Yeah…?"

"And we have a great relationship."

"Yeah…?"

"I know what I should do for a roommate."

Monica looked at him, completely baffled. "What?"

Chandler hesitated and ran his fingers through his hair. "You…should…move in with me."

Monica was completely stunned by his request. "W..what?!"

"No, think about it!" He sat up in excitement and continued, "We could live together. Ya know, I'd wake up every morning and the first thing I would see is your beautiful face."

"I'm not that beautiful in the morning," Monica reminded him, "Plus, we do that anyway."

"Yeah, but this would be different. I mean this wouldn't be _my _apartment, it would be _our _apartment. This wouldn't be _my _bed, it would be _our_ bed."

"I dunno…"

"Come on Mon! It could be so great!"

"Yeah, but I mean, Chandler, this is a _huge _step. We haven't even been dating for a half a year yet. Most couples don't do this until they've been together for at least a year!" 

"Yeah, but we've known each other for like…five years before we started dating. So technically, we've known each other longer than most couples."

"I know, but…"

"Look," Chandler interrupted sadly, "If you don't wanna, then that's okay."

Monica stared into Chandler's pleading blue eyes and couldn't resist. A small smile crept upon her face. "So, when should I move in?"

*~*~*~*~*~*

          That afternoon, Chandler practically dragged Monica down to Central Perk with him. When they entered, the rest of the gang was settled in their usual spot around the orange couch. 

"We have some big news!" Chandler announced. 

"Oo, fun let me guess!" Phoebe demanded, "Umm…you two are breaking up?!"

"Why would we be excited about that?" Monica wondered.

"I don't know," Phoebe moaned exasperated, "You two can be really strange sometimes."

"This is coming from the woman who believes that each individual blade of grass has a name…"

"Come on, what's the big news?" Rachel whined impatiently. 

"Well…" Chandler turned to Monica with a smile on his face, "Do you wanna tell or should I?"

Monica plastered a fake smile on her face. "No, sweetie, it was your idea, so you should tell."

"Okay."

"What is it already?!" demanded Rachel.

"Well, since Joey moved out…Monica and I have decided…to live together."

Ross spit out his coffee and began coughing loudly. 

"What?!" Rachel and Phoebe demanded simultaneously.

Joey stood up quickly in anger. "I move out and you replace me _the same day?! I'm hurt!"_

"Relax Joe, it's not like you two were dating," Monica joked.

Joey attempted to stifle his tears. "I know."

Monica rolled her eyes at Joey.

"Woah," Rachel began, "You two have barely been dating for a half a year!"

"We know, but we think we're ready," Chandler answered.

The rest looked towards Monica, so she nodded her head slowly. 

"Wow," Phoebe breathed, "So you two are actually serious?"

"Hey!" They both yelled.

"Well, it's just…it's Chandler."

"Good point," Chandler agreed.

"Yup," Monica replied. 

"So…what's with the sudden commitment?" Ross wondered. 

"Well, I mean I've…I dunno…" he looked away sheepishly, "I've never felt…this way…about anyone before."

"Aww," Phoebe and Rachel sighed.

Joey and Ross began to laugh.

"Hey!" 

Joey tried to contain his laughter. "Sorry man. It's just…I never thought the day would come."

"Yeah, but we're happy for you guys," Ross informed them, "If this is actually what you both really want."

The rest agreed with Ross. 

"It is!" Chandler answered enthusiastically. 

Monica nodded, less intensely, along with him.

"Well then, great!" Phoebe cheered.

"Yeah," the rest chimed in.

"You can't think of even one _tiny, _minute reason why we _shouldn't move in together?" Monica tried._

Ross patted Chandler on the back encouragingly. "Not if you guys want to do it."

Monica plastered a fake smile on her face. "Great…"

Suddenly, Rachel gasped in horror. "Who's gonna be my roommate?"

"I…I…I could move in," Ross suggested.

Rachel raised her eyebrows. "You've _got to be kidding me."_

"No, look! I mean it's my grandmother's apartment, too."

"Umm…ya know, let me think about it for a minute."

He looked at her expectantly.

"Umm…no."

"Why not?"

"Because…we've barely dated for a month…"

"So?"

"No."

"Come on, Rach."

"Ok, I'm gonna get going."

"Please."

"No."

She stood up and began walking out of the coffee house. Ross followed her out. "Please!"

The rest of them watched them exit and then looked back at each other. 

"Wow," Phoebe muttered.

"What has happened to all the guys?!" Joey wondered angrily.

"They've matured; something you should really do," Monica advised. 

Joey looked away pensively. "I guess you're right." 

"Now _this_, I'd like to see," Chandler commented jokingly.

"Now, this new mature Joey," Joey wondered, "He can still have sex, right?"

"Yes, but only if he calls the woman back _and plans on having some sort of relationship with her," Phoebe explained._

Joey looked at his friends for a moment. "So, this new, mature Joey…he can wait another five years, right?"

The other three rolled their eyes and nodded.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          Later that afternoon, Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica were congregated in Monica and Rachel's apartment. 

"So, you're really gonna move in with him," Rachel checked.

"Well, it doesn't look like I have much of a choice."

"But you don't want to?" Phoebe clarified.

"Well, I do, but it's just…it's such a big step and, like, we haven't been dating for _that _long." 

"So then tell him."

"But you should've seen him…how happy he was…the way his eyes were dancing and his big, sweet smile…"

"Monica, Chandler's like that when there's a new episode of Beavis and Butthead on, too."

"Yeah," Phoebe agreed, "It won't hurt him if you told him the truth."

"I guess so…" Monica relented.

*~*~*~*~*~*

          Monica entered Chandler's apartment that night and searched around for Chandler.

"Chandler?"

He came out of his room holding some clothes. "Hey there, soon-to-be roomie!" 

Monica bit her lip. "Yeah, about that…"

"Isn't it great?!" 

"Umm…Chandler…the thing is…maybe…we should…wait a little…before we, umm, move in together."

Chandler stopped suddenly and looked up at Monica, shocked. "W--what?"

"No Chandler, wait. The thing is…I mean, I think it's too fast, ya know? I like how things are right now!"

"Really?"

"Yeah." She moved closer to Chandler and rubbed his arm. "It's not that I don't love you and love our relationship…it's that I want to make sure we work _everything _out so that we're together forever."

Chandler smiled. "Okay." He then began to laugh. "Wow, can you believe that I'm the one who wanted to move our relationship to the next level and you didn't?"

Monica looked away for a minute. "Huh…" 

Chandler wrapped his arms around her from her back. "It's okay. I'm sure you'll be the one to make the next move."

She turned around and kissed him. "Yeah, you're right. I will be."

"So, will you help me interview for a roommate?"

"Of course!" 

"Cause, you need to like whoever moves in here, too, since, I hope you'll be around here a lot still."

"Of course I will be."

"And I need to make sure he won't hit on you."

"So, you want a gay guy?"

"Don't flatter yourself. Not every guy who's straight hits on you." He laughed at Monica's insulted look. "I'm just kidding. I have my work cut out…"

"Don't worry 'bout it, you have an advantage."

"What's that?"

She ruffled his hair. "You're just so cute."

"Yeah, I know."

She laughed and kissed him. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "So, Ryan, what do you do for a living?" Chandler asked a tall, dark haired man, the next day.

"Well, I'm a stripper at…"

Chandler cut him off, "Ok, that's enough for now. Don't call us, we'll call you."

"That's it? You don't need me to show you anything?"

"No!" Chandler answered hastily, "That's quite all right."

When he left, Monica turned to Chandler. "He seemed nice."

"Ha, ha, ha." 

There was another knock at the door. "I guess that's the next person on the list…umm…James." 

Chandler opened the door to reveal a short, stout man with glasses. "Hi, I'm James," he greeted, "I'm interesting in this apartment."

"Ok, great. I'm Chandler Bing," he pointed to Monica, "And, this is my girlfriend Monica."

"Nice to meet you both."

"So, James, what do you do for a living?"

He pushed his glasses up his nose. "I'm a pharmacist."

"I see. So you could hook me up with some prescription drugs?" Chandler kidded.

"No."

Chandler smiled sarcastically. "Right. Anyway, umm…do you have any…umm…weird habits?"

James looked at Chandler, baffled. Monica rolled her eyes and decided to clarify. "What he means is, do you have any habits like…umm…sleepwalking or playing the drums or anything."

"Oh, no, no. I'm quite quiet."

"Great. Well do you have any questions for me?"

"Umm…yes, actually, one question. Do you have any place where I could keep my incubator?"

Chandler raised his eyebrows. "Incubator?" 

"Yes, well, you see, I have some snake eggs."

Chandler's voice squeaked. "Snakes?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any other…pets?"

"Well, I have to keep the rats alive that they eat." 

Chandler and Monica both grimaced at his comment.

"And my tarantulas and my ant farm."

"Woah." 

"Yeah and you wanna watch out for the tarantulas and the snakes. They're poisonous."

Chandler cleared his throat nervously. "You keep…poisonous animals?!" 

"Yeah."

Monica smiled politely. "Don't call us, we'll call you."

When he left, Monica hugged Chandler's shocked figure. "He's gone sweetie. Try to breathe."  

"Wow, the people of New York really _are _freaks." 

"So, who's next?"

"Umm…" Chandler scanned his list, "Jennifer."

"Jennifer?" Monica asked angrily, "A woman?!"

"Oh, are you not okay with me rooming with a woman? Because I won't do it if you don't…"

"No, don't be silly!" 

"Okay then." 

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"That must be her."

"Oh joy," Monica said sarcastically.

Chandler opened the door, revealing a beautiful blond haired woman.

"Hi, I'm Chandler…" 

Monica cut him off. "Sorry, the room has been taken!"

"Really?"

"What?" Chandler wondered.

"Yeah, we're so sorry. Have a nice day. Buh bye now." Monica shut the door in her face.

"So who's next?" Monica asked.

Chandler smiled at her teasingly. "You were jealous."

"Was not."

Chandler gave her an unconvinced look.

"Yeah, well…you've been jealous more than me!"

"Good one," Chandler quipped, eliciting a smack on the arm from Monica. 

"Okay, I've got one more person on the list."

"Who?"

"A _guy _named Eddie."

"Ha, ha, ha."

After a few minutes, there was yet another knock on the door. Chandler opened it, revealing a short, plump man with thick glasses and a fake looking mustache.

"Are you Eddie?" Chandler wondered.

"Y…yeah, sure."

Chandler studied him closer. "You're the guy with the poisonous animals again!" 

He laughed nervously. "What poisonous animals?"

"Get out." 

"Fine, but you should know that I would make a _great _roommate!"

Chandler pushed him out the door, and closed the door. James then yelled through the door, "I'll even give you one of my snake eggs! Oh, come on!"

Chandler ran his fingers through his hair. "This is hopeless!"

"No, wait, Chandler. There's still this one last person."

"Right. I bet he's just as unsuited as the rest of these people." 

"You never know."

Just then, there was another knock on the door. Monica went to open it, but was stopped by Chandler. He looked out of the peephole and sighed. "It's not that insane snake guy."

Chandler opened the door, revealing a man with spiky hair and a devious smile. "Hi…I'm Eddie," he chucked uneasily.

"Hey, I'm Chandler."

"And I'm his girlfriend, Monica," she chimed in. 

"So, do you keep any poisonous pets?"

"Well, I, uh, have a, uh, goldfish, but I don't think it's, uh, poisonous." He laughed an annoying chuckle. 

"Great. So, any other annoying habits? Having loud parties, stealing other guys' underwear, umm…sleepwalking, or stealing other guys' girlfriends?"

Eddie chucked again. "No, none of those things. Oh and don't worry about me stealing your girlfriend. I don't go for girls like her."

"Excuse me?! Well, what do you go for, guys?"

"No."

Chandler smiled triumphantly. "Well, that's all I need to know."

"I have a question!" Monica demanded, "Why am I not your type?"

"Well…"

Chandler poked him in the side and whispered in his ear, "Don't answer that, man."

He shrugged and laughed again. "Sorry."

"Great, your perfect! Saved the best for last! You've got the apartment!"

"I do? Great, uh, thanks! I gotta go get my stuff. I'll swing by around 10 AM tomorrow."

"Great, see you then."

Eddie exited the apartment and Monica turned towards Chandler in a huff. "I don't like him."

Chandler kissed Monica and then smiled. "Well, he doesn't like you, and that's what counts."

"Urgh!" 

He leaned in to kiss her again when there was another knock on the door. Chandler opened the door and James was standing outside there, again. This time, he was holding a huge cage. 

"Come on," he lifted the cage to eye level, "Look at this face!" He pointed to the snake, "How could you leave this poor, innocent snake homeless?! And her children--think of her children!" 

Chandler backed up into his apartment in fear. "Monica, call the police."

Ok, I…uh…started this on Tuesday…lol. It's only…Friday now. Phew, took me a while there. I've been lazy this week. He, he…Jeremiah was a bullfrog! I love that song! I taught it to all my friends a few years ago…lol. Ok, if u saw last night's epi, then u know what I'm talking about. That made the episode for me, cuz I wasn't too fond of the rest. Anyway, please leave me a review! Thanks!:o)


	14. Chapter 14

TOA The Lesbian Wedding-Chapter 15

Ok, I haven't really updated this fic more than once a week recently, but hey, I'm home sick w/ nothing else to do. Don't ask me what I've got—it's like a cross between a stomach virus and the flu…I dunno…that's just what it feels like. Anyway, I hope this chapter is okay cuz I actually paid attention to Eddie while watching the episodes with him, in order to write this. *Grr* I can't stand him! He's like…I dunno…really annoying. Am I the only one who feels that way? Ok, so please read and review, tankies!

**Disclaimer: **I own NOTHING, seriously. {And for last chap. SFGrl—I definitely didn't think of the possibility that someone who works for the publishing company could in fact read this. So, I am saying now, I DO NOT OWN THE BOOK SEX FOR DUMMIES! Ha, ha, you're in my a/n again! ;-) Please don't sue me.}

          Chandler entered his apartment and noticed Eddie sitting on one of the stools at the counter. "Hey Edd…ahhh…" 

Eddie looked up and smiled. "Hey buddy!"

"Wha…what is on the table?"

"Oh this?" he wondered, gesturing to the jar on the table, "That's my grandmother's gallbladder." 

"Do I dare ask?" he breathed. "W…why do you have that?"

"She left it to me in her will. Isn't it cool?"

"No!! That's gross! That is part of…part of…a body!!!!!!!"

"Exactly!"

"Hmm…I gotta go."

"Already? But you just came in." Eddie chucked and Chandler grimaced.

"Yeah, well I remembered something I had to do."

"Ok, well, see ya later, buddy!" 

"Buh bye now!" Chandler quickly ran out of his apartment and down to Central Perk.

*~*~*~*~*

"You guys, he's insane, I'm telling you!" 

"A gallbladder?!" Ross wondered, disgusted, "What is with the guy?"

Chandler shook his hands in annoyance. "I don't know!"

"Well, maybe you're just not giving him a chance," Suggested Phoebe.

"Excuse me?! The man has a gallbladder in a jar for crying out loud!"

"You should be more open-minded to other people's rituals." 

"You're right," Chandler said sarcastically, "I will try that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. As soon as he acts like a _human_."

"Urgh!"

Ross laughed. "Maybe you should live him, Pheebs."

"I would, but ya know, my grandmother."

"Damnit!"

Ross gave her a look.

"Ya know, you think that you can't get a roommate odder than Joey, but apparently, you can."

"Guess licking spoons and putting them back in the drawers doesn't look as bad now, does it?" Phoebe teased.

"Well, maybe you should just stick it out," Ross suggested, "I mean you can't just kick the guy out on the street. That'd just be cruel.'

Chandler grumbled, "Yeah, well, he belongs there!"

*~*~*~*~*~*

          That afternoon, Monica was sitting in her apartment when there was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" She called through the door. 

"It's Eddie."

Monica opened the door. "Yes?" Monica replied shortly.

Eddie chuckled. "Are you still upset that I, uh, don't find you attractive?"

Monica shook her head. "No, of course not!"

"Oh okay then. Anyway, I was just wondering if you had any sugar I could borrow."

"Yeah, what are you making?"

"I dunno."

"Okay…"

"So, Monica…" he began.

"Yes?" She handed him a cup of sugar.

He cleared his throat. "I uhh…I guess I didn't really come here to borrow sugar."

"Excuse me?"

"I came here to tell you…god, I bet you'll hate me after this," he chuckled nervously.

"What?"

"Well…umm…my ex-girlfriend came around the apartment earlier, and umm…Chandler slept with her."

Monica looked at him, unconvinced. "And how do you know?"

"I saw them."

"Right."

"Fine, don't believe me. But if he begins to avoid you, know that it's cuz he's too guilty to face you."

"Get out of here!" he yelled.

"Okay, okay. Don't have to tell me twice." However, Eddie made no move for the door.

Monica glared at him. "Out! What? Do I have to swat you with a broom?"

He laughed. "Right." After that, Eddie raced out the door. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey buddy," Eddie greeted as he entered his and Chandler's apartment.

Chandler rolled his eyes. "Hey."

"I was just at Monica's borrowing some sugar, and well…"

"What?"

"Did you know that Monica's pregnant?"

Chandler laughed. "What are you talking about?"

"She is. I overheard her talking."

"Talking to who?"

"To that blond girl."

"Which blond girl?"

"There's more than one?"

Chandler sighed. "Did she have darker blond hair or lighter blond hair?"

Eddie thought for a moment and then chuckled his annoying laugh, yet again. "Come to think of it, it might've been both."

"I don't believe you. She'd tell me if she were pregnant."

"Would she?"

"Y..yes."

"Well, I heard her tell those blonds that she was afraid that you'd leave her, so she's not gonna tell you yet."

"You're lying."

"Oh yeah? Fine, think what you want. But when she begins to ignore you out of guilt, Buddy, don't come crawling back to me."

Chandler just scrunched his forehead in confusion. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

That night, the gang, minus Chandler, gathered in Central Perk while drinking coffee. Chandler entered a few minutes later, and nervously glanced around. Cautiously, he sat next to Monica on the couch armrest, and he noticed Monica move away, ever so slightly.

"Could it be?" he wondered. "Nah. Could it?" He looked down at Monica again who was listening to the conversation going on between the others. 

Meanwhile, Monica pretending to listen to the conversation around her, however, all she could focus on was how nervous Chandler seemed around her. "Oh my God, Monica, you're crazy to think that about Chandler." She glanced back up at him, who was staring at his hands on his lap. "Or am I?"

Eddie suddenly entered Central Perk. "Hey buddy," he greeted Chandler while patting him on the back. "How are things going?"

"Great," Chandler said through clenched teeth. 

"What's wrong, Chandler?" Rachel wondered.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" Monica wondered incredulously, "Nothing at all?"

"Yes, nothing." Chandler turned to Monica suspiciously. "Is there something wrong with you?" 

"Nope. Nothing."

"Good." 

"Good," Monica agreed.

"Will you two shut up?!" Joey demanded, "I'm trying to listen to a story here!"

They both apologized to Joey and he went back to listening to Phoebe's story.

Eddie turned to them. "Yeah, what is up with you guys?"

Chandler looked at Eddie, wide-eyed. "How could you not know?!"

"Yeah!" Monica agreed, "I thought you saw them!"

"What?" Chandler wondered. 

"Oops."

"What?!"

"Nothing."

"No, what?!"

"How could Eddie not know what?" Monica used as a counter-attack.

"Nothing."

"What are you guys talking about?" He patted Chandler on the back again. "I don't know, uh, what's up with you two. You guys are a little crazy sometimes."

Chandler gave him a puzzled look. "And what are you!?"

Eddie laughed again, and both Monica and Chandler scowled.

"Well, gotta go. See ya pals!" With that, Eddie exited the coffee shop.

"Are you cheating on me with Eddie's ex?!" Monica blurted out.

"What? No! I would never do that to you!"

"Well then why are you avoiding me?" 

"Because Eddie told me…" Chandler trailed off.

"What?"

"I think the maniac screwed us over."

"What?"

"He told me that you were pregnant."

Monica began laughing hysterically. "Believe me, if I were pregnant, you would be _the first _to know!"  
Chandler looked at her skeptically. "What? You'd find out when I was announcing it to everyone I know."

"That sounds more likely."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Later that night, Monica entered Chandler's apartment and, after scanning the room quickly for Eddie, hurried off to Chandler's room.

"I don't see him anywhere," she informed Chandler, once she got inside.

"Thank God!" 

"So, we're all alone. What are you gonna do about it?"

"I dunno. I guess you'll have to come over here and find out."

Chandler and Monica got under the covers and began kissing each other and removing their clothes. Suddenly, Chandler stopped.

"What the hell was…?" Chandler was cut off by the door opening.

"Hi ya, pals!" Eddie exclaimed, "Wanna play some scrabble?"

Monica ducked under the sheets and Chandler looked at Eddie in horror. "Eddie! What are you doing in my room?! Can you not see that I need some privacy?"

Eddie looked from Chandler's face to the lump under the covers that was Monica.

"You're busy?"

"Yes."

"Oh okay. You don't have to tell me twice." However, again, Eddie made no attempt to leave.

"Get out, get out, get out!" 

"Fine," Eddie huffed and left the room. 

Monica peeked out from other covers and shared a horrified look with Chandler.

"Okay, so the psycho must leave." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          The next morning, Chandler entered Monica and Rachel's apartment. The rest of the gang was already there.

"Hey Chandler," Rachel greeted.

He just mumbled angrily in response.

"Somebody's cranky," joked Ross.

"Yeah," Phoebe added to the teasing, "I wonder who didn't get to finish what they started last night."

Chandler looked on at the four of them with wide eyes. "You all know?!" he asked in a high-pitched, offended voice. Then in turned to Monica, and in that same tone said, "And you told them?! Don't we have _any _secrets anymore?"

Monica looked sheepish. "Sorry, it just slipped."

"How did it 'just slip'?"

"Well, they entered the apartment and asked me what was up…"

Chandler sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Thanks."

"Hey, if you want to finish up from last night, we'll be more than willing to leave…" Rachel offered jokingly.

"Hey, no fair! I'm in the middle of my breakfast!"

The five of them looked at Joey, amused.

"Oh," he looked away, embarrassed, "You were joking."

"There ya go."

"So, looks like you're screwed, Chandler," Phoebe informed him.

"Wow, thanks for all the support you guys." 

"I'll think of _something_," Chandler mumbled as he left the apartment. 

Ok, that's it! The rest…well just picture that Eddie moves out in the same way cuz I LOVE that part. There's no way in the world I could change it. I keep ending up with the same ending. Sorry if it disappoints anyone. :-( You can think of this chapter as the recent episodes of Friends, if you'd like. Ya know, nothing really seems to happen and nothing really seems resolved. Anyway, please leave me a review, thanks!


	15. Chapter 15

TOA The Lesbian Wedding-Chapter 15

Okay, I'm back for my weekly update. (ok, I know it's more than a week, but that's kinda ff.net's fault. Well, I also stopped writing this once I saw I couldn't post it yesterday…hehehe shutting up.) Anyways, since this is the 15th chapter and I'm also nearing the end of the real season 2, I'm not sure exactly where I should go with this fic. That's where you, as the reader and hopefully reviewer, come in. Here's a poll for you; should I:  a) Stop writing this once I "get up to" the episode which would be the season 2 finale (tow barry and mindy's weding, although I dunno if I would actually use that episode), b) Go on to "season 3" and then see where I go from there, or c) Any other bright ideas that u peeps may have? I could really use the help cuz I have absolutely no idea where I'm gonna go w/ this one, since this is the only fic where I just kinda "flow with it". Ok, so please read and review, thanks!

**Disclaimer: **Hmm…they're not mine, unless they're hiding in my closet. *Opens closet* Nopers, not in there. Guess they don't belong to me. :_(

Joey and Phoebe entered Monica and Rachel's apartment, while engrossed in a conversation. 

"No, no, no," Joey argued, "Yosemite Sam is the one with the red hair and Elmer Fudd is the bald one."

"Are you sure? Because…"

Joey cut her off sternly. "Believe me, I'm right." 

Phoebe backed up and put her hands up in mock defense. After a moment, they both stopped and listened for a minute. An influx of low moans began coming from Monica's bedroom.

"They're at it again?!" Phoebe wondered incredulously. 

"Wanna go downstairs and get some coffee?"

"Please." 

The pair rushed out of the apartment quickly. 

          An hour later, Monica entered Central Perk and made her way towards the orange couch where the rest of the gang, minus Chandler was gathered. 

"Hey guys," Monica greeted as she sat down, "What's up?"

"Nothing," Joey answered, "Hey, where's Chandler? He's supposed to be here by now!"

Monica shrugged. "Showing, I think."

"Shouldn't you be showering, too?" Phoebe asked. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Yeah, I guess it doesn't make much sense to shower. You'll just go and have sex again and get all sweaty."

Monica laughed uneasily and looked at Phoebe. "Excuse me?" 

"What?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well…I mean you guys are always doing it."

"No we're not," She looked around at the others expectantly, "Right guys?"

Joey scratched his head awkwardly and Rachel began to flip through a magazine in response. 

"Hey," Ross called out, "Is that Woody Harrelson?" 

They all turned away from Monica to look.

"You guys really think that we do it a lot?" 

Slowly, the rest of them turned to face Monica again. "Umm…how do you define a lot?" 

"More than normal couples." 

"Not more than me," Joey answered happily.

"Couples, Joey," Rachel explained, "Not twenty different women a week." '

"Oh, well in that case, yeah, you guys do it a lot."

"No, we don't!"

"Oh yeah? Let's count, shall we?"

"Oh my God!" Monica cried.

"Let's see. Every night, at least twice. 

"Nah-uh."

"Yeah," Ross agreed uneasily, "I can vouch for that." 

Rachel added, "Once in the morning."

"Lunch breaks!" Joey chimed in.

"Oh my God! We do do it too much!"

"No, no," Rachel soothed, "It's healthy." 

"You and Ross don't do it that much."

"Yeah, but I mean—" Rachel trailed off and whispered, "It's Ross."

The rest began to chuckle, and Ross looked over obliviously. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, sweetie," Rachel answered, "Don't worry about it."

Ross shrugged and went back to reading the newspaper. 

"Oh my God. What if our relationship has become nothing but sex? I mean what if that's the glue that holds our relationship together?! I mean that's not a healthy relationship!" 

"I'm sure that's not the—" 

Monica cut Phoebe off. "But it could be!" 

"Oh come on, you guys have so much."

"Do we? Do we really?! What if it's all about the sex?"

"Wouldn't you know if it were only about sex?"

"I dunno!" Monica panicked, "I'm too busy doing it to think!" 

"Yeah baby!" Joey chimed in. He stopped smiling when the girls gave him a harsh look. 

"I know what I'm gonna have to do," Monica decided suddenly. 

"What's that?" 

"A no sex pact."

"With who?" Joey wondered. 

The rest gave him a look. 

"What?! Maybe she meant a no sex pact with…women…or…or donkeys." 

"Eww!" The others answered in disgust. 

 "Between Chandler and me," Monica clarified, "That way, we'll be able to see if there really is more to our relationship then just sex."

"Wow, Mon, are you sure about that?" Rachel questioned, "That's a hard thing to do." 

"I know, but it's important to our relationship."  

"Okay," Phoebe agreed. Then under her breath, she added, "I give it two hours." 

*~*~*~*~*~*

          That night, Monica and Chandler were out at a fancy Italian restaurant, waiting for their check. Monica began to fidget in her chair.

Chandler reached his hand out to touch hers, but she shrugged away from his caress. 

"Mon, are you okay?" Chandler asked, genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine! Just peachy!" Monica answered hastily, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You've just been really quiet throughout dinner. I've been doing all the talking, and I _know _it's not because you enjoy my stories _that _much." 

"Ok Chandler, umm…see here's the thing…I think that our relationship has umm…"

"Yeah?"

"Well--" Monica hesitated.

"Are you breaking up with me?!" Chandler panicked, "Damn, I knew this was too good to be tr—" 

Monica cut him off by placing her hand on his knee. "No, that's not it. It's just…well…our relationship is very…physical."

Chandler merely looked at her, completely baffled. 

"What I mean is…I think that we should stop the physical part for a while and just work on the emotional part."

 Chandler looked at her skeptically. "You mean we should stop having sex?"

Monica bit her nail uneasily. "In more words, yes." 

"Wh—why?!"

"Chandler, do you know what our friends think of us as?"

"What?"

"They think that we're sexed-crazed maniacs!"

"They said that?"

Monica looked away sheepishly. "Well…they implied it."

"Mon—"

She cut him off. "If you really love me, then you'll do this."

He looked into Monica's pleading eyes and sighed. "Anything for you, babe."

Monica jumped up and hugged Chandler. "I knew I'd win you."

Chandler broke the hug and studied her face. "So can we—"

"No."

"How 'bout—"

"No."

"What about—"

Monica smiled. "Yes, kissing's okay." 

"Okay," Chandler smiled and kissed her on the lips. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          Ross walked into a small, cramped pizza shop and found Joey and Chandler, who were sitting at a small table in the corner. 

"Hey guys," Ross sat down, "It's so weird to eat lunch with you, Chandler."

"Yeah, we haven't done this since you and Monica started dating." 

Chandler shrugged in response. 

"So, you're really not gonna have sex for an entire week?" Joey wondered in disbelief.

"Well, that's what she wants," Chandler answered in between bites of pizza, "And I'm not gonna ruin our relationship over sex."

"Why not?! I would!" 

"Ok, number one, Joe, you haven't _been_ in a relationship, anyway. Two, I love her. That's something that you obviously don't understand."

"You've got that right," Ross mumbled. 

"Would you do it Ross?" Joey wondered. 

"No sex?"

"Yeah, if Rach asked you, would you do it?"

Ross shrugged. "I guess I would. I'm with Chandler on this one." 

"Wow, I hope I never have a girlfriend who asks me to do that," Joey decided. 

"Yeah, Joey would probably die due to abstinence," Ross joked.

"Woah, woah, you can get a disease from not having sex?"

Ross and Chandler exchanged looks. 

"Sure ya can," Chandler finally answered.

"Woah," Joey picked up his coat quickly, "I'd better go have some sex then!" With that, he ran out the door. 

Chandler shrugged and grabbed the rest of Joey's pizza. However, Joey ran back inside of the pizza shop and grabbed the pizza out of Chandler's hand. 

"Dude, I don't think so!" He then ran back out of the restaurant. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "So Chandler agreed?" Phoebe questioned and she, Monica, and Rachel sat in Central Perk that afternoon.

"Yeah." 

"Did it take begging?"

"No, he was very good about it."

"Maybe he was hoping to get lucky," Rachel joked, but then sobered when Monica gave her a look.

"It's not funny, you guys. I'm taking this very seriously!" 

"I'm surprised that you got Chandler to go through with it," Phoebe told her, "He must really love you. That should show you something…"

"I know, but I just need to see how things go."

"I don't see what the big deal is," Rachel admitted, "You guys are in love and that's all that should matter."

"It is, but…urgh! I don't have to explain myself to you!" Monica turned away from them in a huff. 

"Oh, getting a little frustrated, are we?" Phoebe teased.

"Yeah," Rachel joined, "Need someone to let out your frustrations on?"

"Stop it!" 

Phoebe lowered her voice. "You know you want him."

"I hate you both!" Monica yelled and left the coffee house.

Once she left, Phoebe and Rachel glanced at each other. 

"We weren't too mean to her, were we?"

Phoebe shrugged. 

"Do you think we tease each other too much sometimes?"

"Ehh."

"Huh." Rachel shrugged and went picked up a magazine. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "Hey Pheebs, hey Chandler" Joey greeted as he entered their apartment that night, "Since when are you here at night?" 

Chandler groaned in response. 

"That bad, huh?" 

"Worse." 

"Well if it makes you feel any better, Monica's as frustrated with this as you are."

Chandler gave Phoebe an angry look, and she backed away. "If she's so frustrated by her rule, why can't she break it?!"

"Because it's Monica," Phoebe reminded him, "She has to stick things through until the bitter end." 

"Don't remind me." 

"You gonna be okay?"

Chandler knocked his fist down on the counter. "This is so hard!" 

"Well, ya know, you've gone longer without having sex, what makes this different?" 

"Because…I know that I have a girlfriend, who by all standards, I should be sleeping with!"

"That was so shallow…just like something a man would say!" Phoebe yelled.

"No, it's just," he ran his fingers through his hair, "It's not like she has a good reason for it. I mean if she had been like—wanting to wait for marriage or something, then that would be different. But I mean I know who Monica's slept with, and they're sleazy guys." 

"She slept with you," Phoebe pointed out.

Chandler looked away, embarrassed. "Well, except for me."

"Nice save."

"Hey, I gotta go on a date, but if you need a sock—don't take any of mine."

Phoebe and Chandler both made disgusted faces as Joey left the apartment, laughing to himself. 

Phoebe studied him for a minute. "Do you really do that?"

Chandler bit his lip. "No—not anymore." 

"Wow, I did _not _need to know that. Way too much information." She paused and got up, "I think I'm gonna go."

"Ye--yeah, good idea! Buh bye now!"

Phoebe looked back at Chandler one last time, shuddered, and walked out the door. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "So, it's a nice day out," Chandler commented as he and Monica walked down the street the next afternoon.

"Yup," answered Monica dryly. 

"The sun's shinning, the birds are chirping, the children are pl—"

"Will you please shut up?" 

"Sorry."

"Maybe I'm overreacting…"

"Yes!" Chandler answered quickly, but off her look replied, "No, not at all." 

"Just…I'm worried that our relationship is just about, ya know, sex. I mean I had so many relationships like that, and I thought that this one was different, but then I began to wonder if maybe I was wrong and that we really weren't any different and…"

Chandler cut her off. "Woah, breathe." 

"Do you think that's true?"

"I don't know because I didn't catch a single word you said."

Monica rolled her eyes. "Is our relationship based on sex?"

"Absolutely not, Mon." He smiled and placed his arms on her shoulders, "I mean we started out as friends, and our relationship is just friendship, but with love and sex involved."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Well, it does happen once in a while."

"A very long while." She smiled and smacked him lightly on the shoulder.

"That comment may have cost you another week." 

"Yeah right!"

"Yeah, you're right. I couldn't do that if I tried."

"Ya know, that idea of mine was so stupid."

"No comment." He paused, "So, your place or mine?"

"Come on Chandler. The minute we break the pact, you want us to—your place." 

*~*~*~*~*~*

          Later that day, Chandler wrapped his arm around Monica as they walked up to their friends in Central Perk. 

"So, you two look happier," Rachel commented. 

"Yeah," Monica smiled, "We decided that the no sex pact was crazy."

"So, you guys slept together again?" Joey asked.

Chandler gave Joey an angry look. "That's personal." 

"Meaning yes," Phoebe clarified. 

"Yeah baby!" 

"Well, I'm glad that you two sorted everything out," Rachel told them.

"Thanks Rach."

When the couple left to order coffee at the counter, Joey and Phoebe grinned triumphantly. 

"I want my money!" Joey demanded. 

"Come on, twenty dollars!" Phoebe said as she held out her hand. 

"It was just a stupid bet," Ross decided. 

"Well, if it's so stupid, then I bet the rest of you would like to know the story of Ross and his snow cone…" 

"So, here's your twenty dollars! Enjoy!" 

Monica came back with an angry look on her face. "You guys made a bet on us?!"

"How'd you hear that?!" Phoebe wondered. 

"I was at the counter, not in Australia!" 

Chandler came over and stood behind Monica. "What's going on?"

"Did you know that made a bet on us?!"

"Really?!" 

"Hey Chandler, you owe me twenty bucks," Joey reminded him. 

Chandler opened his eyes wide and began waving his hands in the air, until Monica turned around.

"What?!" 

"Umm…I love you?" Chandler smiled weakly. 

"You bet on us?"

"Not so much bet on us as on you…" 

"Well, the no sex pact is officially back on. How do you like that for gambling?" Chandler just stood there, completely in shock. Monica grabbed one of the two coffee mugs that Chandler was holding, gave him a quick peck on the cheek, and sat down on one of the chairs. 

Joey smiled sheepishly. "So, I'll be leaving now…" 

Omg this chair is so not comfy! My ass is getting numb. Oh and if I have more mistakes than usual, it's cuz I proofread this while talking online. *waves to Steph and Jenni* Please review and tell me what u think I should do! Thanks!:-)


	16. Chapter 16

TOA The Lesbian Wedding-Chapter 16

Hi!!! I'm baaaack! Yes, I know it has been a while, but I've been working on a short story for Creative Writing, and it really took up a lot of my time and umm…thought waves. Anyway Anyshmay, I want to thank you all for your not so helpful advice on whether or not I should continue to the "third season". Lol sorries, but it didn't help me at all. It was pretty much, "Well, whatever you want." I could've figured that out on my own!! Ok, so after giving it much thought (like five minutes…hehe) I've decided to end this. Aww, I know! So sad! But I'm hoping to get a new humorous fic up in it's place, although it'll be a lot different. I'm not sure when or how I'm gonna end this series yet, of course, so I guess I should figure that out. I don't think you'd all appreciate if I just ended it. With that said, please read and review. Here's chapter 16…

**Disclaimer: **In this world full of greed and materialism, does it really matter who owns what? All right, it does. (all that leads to one thing) **But **I don't own these characters. 

On Sunday morning, Joey and Chandler sat in their apartment eating breakfast. 

"Hey, why are we eating breakfast here?" Chandler wondered suddenly.

Joey looked around. "I don't know." 

"Oh well." 

There was another pause, and the two ate in silence. 

Chandler looked up suddenly. "I didn't know we had cereal."

"Yeah? I just figured you had bought it." 

"No, why would I buy cereal?" 

Joey shrugged. 

Chandler picked up the box of Coco Puffs and began to read, "Expires June 12th, 1992." 

Joey raised his eyebrows, but continued eating. "I thought it was a little harder to chew." 

"What about the milk?" 

Joey picked up the milk that was sitting on the counter next to him. "April 21st." 

Chandler looked down at his watch. "Hmmm…only a month expired."

"Yeah, not too bad." 

"Smells bad."

"We'll probably end up puking in a few hours."

"Oh well. Nothing we can do about that now."

"Nope." 

Suddenly, the door opened and Monica and Rachel rushed inside. They walked past Chandler and Joey and headed straight towards Chandler's room. He gave Joey an amused look and turned around.

"Can I help you two?"

"Don't worry about it," Rachel called through the open door. 

"Are you planting bugs in my room or something?" 

"No!" 

Chandler got up and headed towards his room to find Rachel browsing through his closet and Monica searching his drawers. Joey then entered after him and laughed.

"Mon, if you're looking for your satin bra, I gave it back to you."

Monica turned to him, rolled her eyes, and then went back to his drawers.

"You kept her bra?" Rachel wondered. 

Chandler looked sheepish. "It felt so soft against my cheek." 

"Dude, you know what other material is nice?"

"What?" 

"Lace." 

"Oh yeah."

"It's a little itchy though."

Chandler nodded in agreement. 

Monica raised her eyebrows and Rachel cleared her throat uncomfortably. 

"_Anyway_, we'll only be a few minutes. Don't worry about it."

"Uch," Monica cried out in disgust, "How many sweater vests do you have?!"

"Hey!" Chandler lowered his voice, "There was a sale on them a couple of months ago."

"I can't imagine why," Rachel quipped.

"Ok, are you just going to search through my things _and_ insult my clothing without even telling me why?!"

"Hey, I'm your girlfriend," Monica informed him firmly, "I have the right to do things like this." 

"Since when?" Chandler pointed at Rachel, "And what's with the accomplice here?" 

"I'm your girlfriend's friend. I have the right to do things like this, too." 

"So, if you get to do things that the girlfriend gets to do," Joey asked Rachel, "Do I get to do things that the boyfriend gets to do?" Chandler gave him an angry look. "Hey, a guy can try!"

Monica ignored Joey's comment. "Rach, did you find anything?"

"No, not yet. He has a lot of crap in here."

"Hey!"

Just then, Phoebe and Ross entered the apartment. 

"Where is everyone?" Ross called.

"We're in Chandler's room."

"Oooh," Phoebe enthused, "What are we doing in there?"

"Can't say," Rachel called back.

Ross and Phoebe entered and looked around. 

"What are you doing?" Ross wondered.

"Oh, are we looking through Chandler's stuff?! Yay! I've always wondered what Chandler kept in that box in his closet…"

Chandler turned to Monica who had buried her face in one of his sweaters, while laughing.

"Are there no secrets between us?!" 

"No, not really," Rachel admitted. 

"Nope," Phoebe replied and winked at Chandler. 

He did a double take at Phoebe's comment. 

"Ok, I've gone through the closet and found absolutely nothing."

"Uch, there's nothing in his drawers either." 

"Well, maybe if you told me what you were looking for, I could help." 

"No, sweetie. This doesn't concern you." 

"But it concerns my stuff and Rachel?" 

"Exactly." 

Chandler threw his hands up in resignation. "Ok, I officially give up trying." 

Monica turned to Rachel firmly. "So, I guess you know what we're going to have to do."

Rachel nodded solemnly and then broke out into a huge grin. "Shopping!"  

Upon hearing this, Chandler stood up to protest, but was silenced by Monica waving a hand in his face. 

"Bing, you, me, and Rachel—The mall—In two hours. Got it?!" 

Chandler sighed and saluted Monica. "Sir, yes sir!" 

Monica motioned to the door and she, Rachel, and Phoebe left the room. 

"Wow, dating Monica is like dating my old gym teacher," Ross recalled. 

Chandler shuddered. "Please never make a comparison like _that _again."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "So remind me of why we are here," Chandler informed the three women as they led him into the department store. 

"How can we remind you when we've never told you?" Rachel questioned. 

"Right," Chandler faced her, "That was your cue to inform me." 

"Now, see I did not get that," Phoebe told him. 

"I see that."

"Ok, don't you remember what we're doing on Saturday?" Monica wondered.

He looked at her blankly. 

"Men," Phoebe huffed.

"What? I didn't know that _we_ were doing anything." 

"We're meeting with my parents for dinner!"

"We are?"

"Yes! I _told _you that last week."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did! I told you when we were sitting in the coffee shop!"

"No, you didn't."

"Yes! And then Gunther spilled that glass of water all over your shirt!"

"Umm…Mon," Rachel began, "That was me."

"What?"

"It was me that you were telling then." 

"It was?!"

"Yeah!" 

"Oh right," Monica recalled, "And you were wearing that white blouse and it was totally see-though after that…"

"Yeah, oh my God. It was almost as if Gunther had spilled water on my blouse on purpose!"

The four began laughing, but then looked away pensively. 

"Anyway," Chandler continued, bringing them back to reality, "What does that have to do with anything?" 

"Well, you have to look good for my parents."

"So?"

"So…your clothes…they're—"

"Horrible," Phoebe finished.

"Incredibly ugly." 

"All those sweater vests," Monica recalled bitterly.

"What is wrong with sweater vests?!"

The three women shook their heads and continued to drag him along. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "You have so much already. Can't I just go try the clothes on yet?" he wondered as he looked over Monica's shoulder.

"No. Don't you know how shopping works?"

"I didn't know there were laws." He began looking around hastily, "Oh no! Are the fashion police going to arrest me?"

"No, but if you don't shut up, I'll do worse!" threatened Phoebe.

Chandler backed away from the women and began to study a rack of clothing in front of him. 

"How's this?" He wondered, as he showed them an orange button down shirt.

"Oh, that's nice," Rachel told him.

"Really?"

"Nice if you want to look like you were regurgitated by a cat!" 

He sighed loudly and walked away. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          An hour later, Monica found Chandler sitting on the floor next to a tie display. "Hey, it's time."

"Finally!"

"Why were you sitting on the floor?"

"Cause I was tired of standing and there were no chairs."

Monica frowned and looked across from where they were standing. "There are chairs right there."

"What?" Chandler looked in that direction, "Aww, damnit!"

Monica laughed and began to pull Chandler towards the dressing room. 

"Ok, ok time to try the clothes on!" Rachel enthused.

Phoebe turned to Rachel. "Ok, somebody's a little too excited."

"I know," Rachel looked away sheepishly, "I just love shopping!"

"Doesn't it matter that I don't?!" Chandler wondered.

"NO!!" The three women answered simultaneously. 

Monica sighed. "Just go try on the clothes."

"Fine, fine."

"Do you need me to help you?"

"I _think _I can dress myself." 

Chandler began walking and then tripped on his shoelace. 

"Maybe he can dress himself," Phoebe commented, "But he can't tie his shoes."

Chandler scowled at them, got up, and went inside the dressing room. 

          Two minutes later, Chandler came out in a gray suit with a maroon shirt underneath. 

"Wow, you are fast!" Rachel said incredulously. 

"Yeah, well I had to learn to dress quickly when girls would wake up with a hangover and…well…me next to them." Chandler looked away sadly. 

"Aww sweetie," Monica cooed, "Well, at least the suit looks good." 

Chandler replied in a deadpanned tone, "Thanks for all of your sympathy."

"It does look good," Phoebe agreed, "But I don't like the shirt under it."

"Yeah, I agree. Umm…try the green one," Rachel decided.

"Which green one? You girls picked out like twenty different shades!" 

"Umm…the mint green."

Chandler just looked at Rachel. She rolled her eyes and went inside the dressing room. 

"This one!"

He laughed uncomfortably. "Right." 

          A minute later, Chandler came out wearing the new shirt. Then the girls looked him over a few times. 

"No," Monica decided, "The gray suit doesn't go with the shirt now."

"Maybe we should try a different suit?" Phoebe questioned.

"Maybe we should spend the _entire _day debating this!" 

They ignored Chandler's previous comment. 

"What about the dark blue?" Rachel wondered.

Phoebe nodded. "Now that may work." 

They glanced at Chandler who was swinging a hanger in his hand. Suddenly, the hanger slipped, hitting him on the head. 

Rachel cleared her throat.

Chandler blushed and looked up. "Hmm?"

"Try on the dark blue."

"Fun." 

"Go!" Monica commanded.

"Sir yes sir!" 

"Will you stop that?!"

Chandler recoiled. "Yes ma'am. I'm very sorry." 

Monica pointed to the dressing room again and Chandler went inside quickly.

"Men," Monica sighed.

"At least you two have one," Phoebe commented. 

"What happened to the guy you were flirting with a few minutes ago?" Rachel wondered.

"Let's just say…there's a reason why he was shopping in the ladies department." 

Rachel and Monica grimaced, while Phoebe nodded in agreement. 

After that, Chandler came back out with the blue shirt on. The girls studied him for a moment. "Turn around," Rachel demanded. 

Phoebe giggled. "Aww, his tush looks so cute!"

Monica smiled. "I know!" 

"I'd say we have a winner," Rachel decided, "What do you think?" 

"Me too," Phoebe agreed.

Monica studied him for another moment and then concluded, "Perfect."

"What about what _Chandler_ thinks?"

"Why?" Phoebe wondered, "What does _Chandler think?"_

"He hates this suit! It's itchy and costs way more than he will spend."

"Oh," Monica commented, "Well, it's good that what Chandler thinks doesn't matter then." 

"Come on!" he complained while scratching his leg, "It's so itchy!"

"Style over comfort, Chandler," Rachel informed him.

"But—"

"Style over comfort."

Chandler rolled his eyes and went back into the dressing room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          After they paid for his suit, Chandler began to head for the door. However, he stopped when he noticed that he was alone. He looked around for a minute, and then realized that the women had stopped to admire clothing.

"Come on! We got what we were here for!"

"Noooo," Phoebe reminded him, "We got what _you were here for. Now it's our turn!" _

Chandler huffed and slid onto a chair in the corner of the store. 

"Here." Monica threw her purse on his lap. 

"You're paying me back for the suit?" he asked hopefully.

Monica chuckled. "No! You're gonna hold this for me while I shop."

"What?!"

"Hey, being a boyfriend comes with its share of duties."

"Fine."

Just then, Rachel and Phoebe both dropped their bags on his lap.

"Ok, I'll do it for Monica, but you two are crossing a line."

"Hey," Phoebe informed him, "Being a friend comes with its share of duties."

"Wh—what? Since when?"

"Since always."

Chandler groaned. "I _knew _being friends with women would come back to bite me in the ass." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          Chandler had been sitting there for an hour, and was utterly bored. Looking up to make sure none of the women were in sight, Chandler began to go through Monica's bag. First, he pulled out a compact mirror and looked at himself in it. Then, he began to move around the mirror, sending beams of light bouncing over the ceiling. However, he soon got bored of that, too. Next, he opened another compartment, looked inside, and grimaced. 

"God, I'm glad I'm not a woman," he decided as he quickly closed the compartment. 

He continued to look through the purse, until he felt eyes on him and he looked up. Two teenage guys were pointing at him and laughing. Chandler shot them a killer look, and they went away, still laughing. 

Suddenly, Monica came over. "Okay, Chandler, we're ready."

"Thank God."

She took her purse from him and led him to the register. Phoebe and Rachel were already standing there, with a mountain of clothes on the counter in front of them. They all looked at Chandler, expectantly, for a few moments.

"What?"

"You're gonna pay, right?" 

"What?! Absolutely not!"

"Come on," Monica slithered towards him, "For me?"

"No! Come on, I'm gonna be broke."

Rachel moved closer to him and informed him sternly, "We know that you have more money than you say you do, Chandler."

"I'll pay for Monica, but that's it!" 

"Aww…Come on."

"Absolutely not!" 

"Please."

"No!"

"Fine," Rachel huffed as she grabbed a pile of clothes and began to return them to their former places.

"Wow, I can't believe we can't get Chandler to back down," Phoebe whispered. He gave her a dirty look and she laughed. Phoebe then threw her purse into his arms and grabbed another pile of clothing to put back. 

Chandler turned to Monica. "I may be paying for you, but pick your three favorite things or else I'm not paying."

"Fine," Monica warned, "But you should know that you're going to pay for that decision in the long run." With that, Monica also returned a pile of clothing.

Chandler ran his hands through his hair, but froze when an old lady snickered at the purse in his arms.

"What are you looking at?!" he wondered angrily.  

The woman snickered and called, "Agnes, come look at this man with the purse!" 

Chandler's eyes widened and he threw the purse down on the ground. 

"Manly," the second woman informed him.

He gave her a sarcastic smile and walked away, kicking Phoebe's bag beneath his feet. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          That Saturday night, Chandler entered Monica and Rachel's apartment, wearing the suit that they had picked out for him.

"So?" he wondered.

Rachel smiled. "So cute. Just…" she grimaced, "The hair." She then got up and began to comb his hair. After she fixed his hair, she began to work on the tie.

"You can't even knot a tie right?" 

"Sorry, I didn't know that I _did it wrong_."

"Well, you did." 

When Rachel finished tying his tie, she stepped back, brushed his arms and shoulders and smiled. "As good as you're gonna get."

Chandler opened his mouth to reply, but Monica came out of her bedroom in a black sleeveless dress, interrupting him. 

"Wow," Chandler breathed, "You look beautiful."

Monica blushed. "Aww thank you. You're looking pretty good, too."

"Yeah? Well, I don't feel good," he replied, as he began scratching his knee. 

Monica slapped his hand lightly. "Don't scratch!"

"Remember—"

Chandler cut Rachel off with a mocking tone, "Style over comfort, style of comfort, yes I know!"

"Good." 

Monica looked at the clock and gasped. "Come on, we're gonna be late!" 

"Okay, we still have two hours, but sure."

Monica looked up at him angrily. "Don't test me, Bing!" 

Chandler threw his arms up in defense. "Okay, okay, I'll get us a cab."

"Ok, I'll meet you down there in a minute."

Chandler turned around and headed out the door. Rachel and Monica glanced at his retreating figure and opened their eyes wide in horror. 

Rachel moved in towards Monica and whispered, "Should we tell him—"

"About the huge ink stain on his jacket?" 

"Yeah."

Monica thought for a moment and then sighed. "Nah. What's the use? I'm sure he'll just go and screw else something up anyway."

Ok, I hope it was enjoyable, but I've had a crappy week, so what I think is okay could just be the moodiness talking. So, please leave me a review. 


	17. Chapter 17

TOA The Lesbian Wedding-Chapter 17

I'd like to share the words of advice that my Microsoft word assistant has just so kindly shared w/ me. "You can hurt yourself if u run with scissors." Isn't that nice to know? I mean I usually run w/ scissors all the time. I guess I just never put two and two together—ya know, the fact that I actually ran w/ scissors and then I cut myself w/ them. I just thought it was coincidence (hey, that's jo-incodence w/ a c…hehe). 

Anyways, yeah I should probably tell you that this is the last "chapter" in this series!! Aww, I know. Oh, and sorry about the confusion from the previous chappie—apparently I am a confusing person. That was not my last chapter, but some people thought it was. But, it's not. Ok, this chapter just takes a few tiny details from the season 2 finale (tow barry and mindy's wedding) and turns it into something else. Chandler does not meet that "mystery girl" online, Monica and Richard don't have their whole ya know, break up events, 'cuz…well they're not together in this, so I think it would be odd if I broke them up. Oh and Chandler and Monica don't go to the wedding cuz I don't get why Monica and Richard go in the epi anyways. I mean Monica's not friends w/ Mindy and why would she just go for Rahcel? If someone could explain that to me, (w/o stating that I'm a complete idiot) I would like that. Ok, and since I do not wish to be flamed by…ummm…Janice sympathizers, I am stating now, before I start, that, yes, she will be in it. And, I am writing her w/ complete neutrality. The characters may find her annoying, since, well they usually do on the show, but that does not mean that I do. It also does not mean that I do not. I am neutral. Yup, just consider me Becca Switzerland. Finally, the last chapter!! I shall leave u in peace. Please read and leave me one final review!! It would mean ever so much to me. 

**Disclaimer: **Bet you can't guess what I don't own… damn, how did u know that I didn't own the characters?! Well, I thought I did a good job pretending! 

          "I mean I don't really wanna go," Rachel confessed to the gang in Central Perk that morning, "But, I also think that I should go, ya know?" 

"Hmm…you think you should go to the wedding of the man you left at the alter and your ex-best friend, who coincidently your fiancé was cheating on you with, while you two were engaged? Now, _that_ makes sense," Chandler quipped. 

Rachel gave Chandler an icy glare. "_No_! I just want to come back and show these people that I'm doing just fine without Barry." 

"Well I think it's great," Ross announced and kissed Rachel's cheek. 

Phoebe chuckled. "Of course you have to say that. You're her boyfriend!" 

"Thanks Phoebe," Ross replied, deadpanned. 

"Anyway, as much as I'm loving this conversation," Monica remarked sarcastically, "I have to get to work." 

They all exchanged their good-byes and Monica left the coffee shop. 

"So seriously, Rach," Joey continued, "Why are you going to this thing?"

"I dunno it's just…" Suddenly, Rachel trailed off and stared at the door. "Uhh…you gu—"

A familiar voice rang through the coffee shop, interrupting Rachel. "Ohh…my…God."

"Janice," Chandler announced with mock happiness, "Hey, everyone! It's _Janice_!" 

Janice came over to them and smiled. "Well, well, well, if it isn't _Chandler Bing_." 

"I guess it is," he then added under his breath, "Unfortunately." 

"If this isn't fate, then I don't know what is!" 

Chandler's eyes widened. "Wh--what?"

"Well, my husband's sleeping around and then I come here to get away and who do I see?"

Joey turned to Phoebe and whispered, "Thank God she didn't see me first." 

Chandler chuckled uncomfortably. "Janice, Janice, I don't think this was meant to be." 

"What are you talking about? Of course it was!" 

"No, see Janice, Janice," he paused for a moment, "Janice."

"What?"

"I, uh, I have a girlfriend."

Janice laughed her trademark laugh. "Right, Chandler," she touched his shoulder, "Pick me up at 7, kay? Great." 

Janice headed towards the counter to order, and Chandler followed her. 

"Wait, Janice!"

She turned to face him. "Can't get enough of me?" she laughed. "We can move it up to 5 if you really want." 

"No, Janice. That's not it. I can't go out with you. I—" he held up his head proudly, "I have a girlfriend."

Janice merely laughed and replied, "I'll see you at 5, my Bing-a-ling." 

Janice moved forward again, but Chandler reached out and grabbed her arm lightly. "Janice, I'm serious!" 

She studied Chandler intently and then moved back towards the group. "Is this true?" she questioned them.

The four nodded somberly. 

Janice smiled and clapped her hands. "Well, I'm happy for you! What's the lucky lady's name?"

The others turned away from Janice and pretended to be interested in something on the other side of the window. 

"Well, her name is…Monica," answered Chandler, confidently. 

Janice looked over at the group. "Monica as in…?"

"Wow, I have that…thing to do," Phoebe stated suddenly.

"Oh, right, that thing!" Rachel agreed hurriedly, "We should go!"

The four rose and hastily left the coffee shop. 

Janice stared at Chandler in shock for a moment. "Well…that's nice."

Chandler nodded. "I think it is."  

"I have to admit, Chandler Bing, I'm very surprised."

Chandler laughed. "Aren't we all?" 

"Ok, so no date tonight. But how about dinner…the three of us?"

Chandler tried hard to find an excuse not to go. He smiled when he thought of one, looked up at Janice, and frowned. "Oh, no, I'm sorry. Monica has to work." 

"Well, that's all right. Maybe another night."

Chandler let out a sigh of relief and nodded. He turned to leave the coffee shop, but then felt Janice's arm on his shoulder.

"Chandler, I just…I need some help?"

"You do?"

"It's all so hard…taking care of my child…alone." 

"I—I'm sorry."

Janice smiled bitterly. "Yeah, well…" she paused. "Can you do me a favor?"

Chandler eyed Janice suspiciously for a moment. "Depends…?"

"Help me watch my baby tonight?" 

"I—"

"Please." 

Chandler sighed and relented. "Sure Janice. What time?"

"My place at 5?" 

"Wait a minute, if you were going to go to dinner with me at 5, then what were you _going _to do with—"

Janice began to head out the door before Chandler could finish his sentence. "See you then. Bye bye!" 

When she left, Chandler turned around and hit his forehead in frustration. He then noticed the other customers in the coffee shop staring at him. 

"What?!" 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "So you said yes?" Phoebe clarified after Chandler told them his dilemma, later that day in Monica and Rachel's apartment.  

"What else was I supposed to do?"

"Say…no…" Ross suggested. 

"I couldn't do that! She was so upset about her husband and ya know, now _I'm_ off the market." 

Phoebe began laughing. "That would make her upset?!"

"Thanks Pheebs," Chandler responded, deadpanned. 

"So, just go and help take care of the kid," Rachel advised, "Just do that and nothing more and you'll be fine. I mean do you really think she would make a pass on a man who has a girlfriend?" 

"Probably not." 

Joey turned to Chandler and grabbed his hand. "Chandler, promise me one thing."

"What?" 

"Whatever you do, do not, I repeat, _do not _go back to Janice. Stay with Monica _forever_!" 

Chandler smiled and patted Joey's shoulder. "I will." 

Ross moved to stand behind Chandler and tapped his shoulder. "Yes, and if you were to ever even think of cheating on my sister…" 

"I'd kill you with a dinosaur bone," Phoebe finished for Ross.

"Hey!" 

"Haha, that would be funny, actually," Joey decided, "Watching Chandler and Ross fight." 

Ross raised his head indignantly. "Well, we all know who would win."

"Yeah, me." Chandler responded. 

"Hey, I would win that fight!"

"Not this again," whined Rachel.

"No, Rach, I could beat Chandler!" 

"Sure you can, sweetie," Rachel responded. 

Ross smiled triumphantly and turned towards Chandler. "Haha!"

Rachel and Chandler exchanged glances. 

"Yeah, whatever Ross. Anyway, I have to go. I'll see you guys later." 

"Good luck!" Rachel called.

"Watch out for the devil's child!" Phoebe joked.

Chandler rolled his eyes and left the apartment. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          A few minutes after Chandler left, Joey got up and began looking through the refrigerator. 

"Hey Rach, where's the leftover lasagna that Monica said would be in here?" 

Rachel laughed. "Why are you asking me?"

Joey shrugged and continued to study the refrigerator. Then, he began taking out all of the food, searching for his lasagna. 

"Ya know," Ross called from the living room, "Monica will freak out if she sees her food put back in the wrong places."

Phoebe chuckled. "Tell me about it. I mean once I put the milk in the orange juice spot." She rolled her eyes. "Man, I paid for that one."    

"Uh-huh," Joey said as he began throwing things back in the refrigerator. When he was finished, he turned to the others and told them, "I was never here." With that, he ran out of the apartment. 

          When he got to his own apartment, he picked up the phone and began dialing. 

"Hey Mon?" 

"Joey?" Monica asked on the other side of the line, "I really don't have time to talk." 

"That's ok. I just have one quick question."

Monica sighed. "What's that?" 

"Where's the lasagna you left me?" 

She chuckled. "You ate that this morning." 

"I did?"

"Uh, _yeah_."  

"Damnit!" 

"Ok, Joey, I really have to go."

"Fine, bye."

"Wait, wait, Joey?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell Chandler that I might be home a little later than usual?" 

"Uh, if I can remember when he gets back."

"Why?" Monica wondered, "Where is he?"

"Babysitting."

"Babysitting Ben?"

"No. Janice's kid." 

"What?" 

"Oh, yeah. You don't know. So, after you left the coffee house, Janice came in. She tried to get Chandler to go out with her, but he told her that he was dating you. So, then, she started to get all upset about her husband cheating on her and how difficult it was for her to take care of her baby alone, and asked Chandler to help her tonight."

"And he did?"

"That…wasn't…obvious?"

Monica ignored Joey's previous comment. "Why couldn't that woman take someone else's boyfriend?!"

"What? He's just babysitting her kid."

"Oh come on, that is the oldest trick in the single mother handbook!" 

"I've never had to watch any woman's kids." 

Monica laughed. "Who would trust _you _with their kid?"

"Good point." 

"Ok, ok, so what are we going to do?"

Joey thought for a moment. "I'm in the mood for pizza." 

"No! About Chandler."

"Oh." Joey thought again for a moment. "Nothing?"

"What?! And let my boyfriend be stolen away by the damsel in distress?!" 

"Umm…what?" 

Monica rolled her eyes. "I'll be home in 20 minutes. Don't leave your apartment and don't tell anyone I'm coming, okay?"

"I thought you were busy."

"Ehh. I hate my job anyway."

Joey nodded in comprehension. "Okay, bye." 

Monica slammed the phone down, threw her apron on the floor, and ran out of the diner. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          Chandler shifted nervously at Janice's door, as he waited for her to answer it. A half a minute later, Janice threw open the door.

"Oh Chandler, thank God you're here!" 

Chandler raised his eyes, but kept silent.

"Ok, come meet my precious little angel." 

"Okay." 

Chandler followed Janice into the living room, where the baby was sleeping in its bassinet. 

"Oh my God!" Chandler yelled, "There's a raccoon on your baby!"

Janice laughed. "No, silly. That's just hair."

"Oh, wow. You're baby has…quite the head of hair." 

"Yeah, I know." She smiled proudly, "So adorable."

Chandler smiled. "Oh yes." 

Once she turned around, Chandler looked at the baby again and grimaced. "Man," he whispered, "That must've itched." 

Janice turned back around. "What was that?"

"Nice place you've got here."

"Yeah, well my hubby may be sleeping with someone else, but he pays the bills."

Chandler nodded uncomfortably. 

"Sit, sit," Janice demanded as she gestured towards the couch. 

Chandler sat down, and then Janice sat next to him. 

"Uh, the baby's sleeping, so I mean there's not much to do. Do you really need me here?" 

"Oh please stay! I need someone to talk to!"

Chandler nodded and mumbled under his breath, "I was afraid of that." 

She turned to Chandler and smiled. He forced a smile on his own face, and listened as she began to talk. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "Monica, what are we doing with Chandler's address book?" Joey wondered as they walked through an unfamiliar area. "And more importantly, where are we?!" 

"We're going to Janice's."

Joey stopped in his tracks. "What?! I—I don't wanna see Janice!"

"Relax, you won't."

Joey gave her a baffled look.

"We'll just be spying on them."

"Sneaky." Joey paused. "Isn't that like invading your boyfriend's privacy?"

Monica rolled her eyes. "I brought _you _here because I thought you wouldn't mention that." 

"Well, I guess there's more to Joey than you thought." 

Monica chuckled. "Right." 

Joey chose to ignore Monica's comment. "So, how are we gonna spy on her? Like go behind her curtains and grab her when she's not looking?" 

Monica stopped walking and gave Joey a baffled look. "You watch too many cartoons."

"So?" 

Monica shook her head and began walking again. 

"So, if that's _not _what we're doing, then how _are _we going to spy?"

"I dunno, but I'll think of something when we get there." 

Joey shrugged and looked around. "Oh, Mon, stop!"

"What?"

Joey turned and headed into a deli. 

"Joey, we don't have time."

Joey raised his eyebrows. "If you're with me, then there is _always _time for food." 

Monica sighed and followed Joey into the restaurant. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "So, then, while I was _in the next room_ he talks dirty to his secretary! Can you believe it?!" Janice wondered. 

"Nope, I can't. And I couldn't believe the five other times you've told me already."

Janice laughed. "Oh Chandler, you always know how to cheer me up."

"Lucky me." 

"So anyway, he was just talking dirty to her. And then he came over to me and—"

"Kissed you like nothing had happened. Yes, I know." 

"Oh ok then." She paused. "Can you believe it? He was late coming to the hospital when I was giving birth to _his _child! He was probably doing it with his secretary somewhere," Janice spat. 

"Uh, Janice. Can I use your bathroom?"

"Yeah, sure sweetie! Second door to the left."

Chandler nodded and hastily rose.

"Be careful not to spill any of my wax!" 

Chandler nodded and grimaced as he continued to the bathroom. 

*~*~*~*

          Meanwhile, Monica and Joey were standing outside on Janice's fire escape. 

"Where'd he go?!" Monica demanded. "Oh my God, I bet he's going to her bedroom!"

Joey gave her an amused look. "Without her?" 

Monica shrugged sheepishly and looked back in the apartment. "Okay, okay, now she's going into the kitchen! I bet she's getting him honey to lick off of her!" 

"Aww man, Chandler's _so _lucky!" Off of Monica's angry look, he clarified, "'Cause honey tastes good…" 

"And sex is good, too!" Monica screamed. 

"Shh! Someone might notice us!" 

"Sorry."

"But yeah, you're right. Sex definitely adds a lot to the honey-licking experience." 

Monica sighed heavily and watched as Janice came back out of the kitchen with a bottle of water in her hands.

"She has water. Maybe she wants to lick water off his chest!" 

"Okay…" 

They watched as Janice sat down, opened the bottle, and began drinking. 

"Or maybe…she just wants to hydrate herself before my boyfriend makes her sweat it all out again." 

Joey shook his head woefully. "Calm down, Mon. Don't you trust Chandler?" 

"Yes."

"Then why are we here?"

"Because I don't trust Janice!" 

"Okay…"

"Ok, Chandler's back. She's smiling at him. She's standing up. She's…" 

"Going to pick up the crying baby." 

"Yeah, well watch. I'm sure she has some devious plot to steal my Chandler!" 

Joey laughed.

"It's not funny!"

"No, but you are." 

"She hit Joey hard on the arm."

"Owww. God damnit woman, why are you so strong?!" 

Suddenly, Monica and Joey stopped talking when they hearing someone climb up the fire escape.

"Excuse me," a male voice called, "What's going on here?" 

"It's a police officer," Joey whispered harshly to Monica.

"Ummm…we're just…enjoying the view." 

The officer looked down. "The view of the street?"

"Yes, we're very fond of…traffic," Joey informed the man. 

"Okay, well I'm going to have to ask you to get down. You are trespassing on private property." 

"Okay, officer," Monica replied, but made no move to leave. 

"Now." 

Monica smiled down at the officer flirtatiously. "Can't we just stay up here for a little while longer, officer?" 

"No, come on, let's go." 

Joey whispered in Monica's ear, "You are the biggest hypocrite I know." 

Monica elbowed Joey in the ribs. "Oww! Damnit, Monica!"

"What's wrong?" the officer called.

"Uhh…nothing sir. Just let's explain what we're really up here for."

"Joey," Monica demanded.

Joey ignored her. "See, we're really here to spy on this lady's boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend." 

The officer gave them an angry look. "Let's go now, before I have to take drastic measures with you two." 

They rolled their eyes and followed the officer down the fire escape. 

"How do you know the word hypocrite?" 

Joey blushed. "Word-a-day toilet paper again."

"Ok, phew. I feel much better now. For a minute there I thought I was in an alternate universe." 

*~*~*~*~*~*

          "Aww, he's cranky," Janice cooed as she rocked the baby back and forth in her arms. 

Chandler covered his ears. "Wow, that baby's got a set of lungs."

Janice laughed. "Gets that from my husband." 

Chandler raised his eyebrows in amusement. "Right…" 

"Ok, can you hold the angel?" 

"I dunno. I mean I'm not very—" 

Janice cut him off by sticking the child in his arms. 

"Or maybe I am." 

"I'll be right back," Janice informed him.

Chandler nodded and began rocking the baby back and forth. 

"Oh, please stop crying. My head's going to explode soon!" 

Suddenly, Chandler heard something coming from outside. Holding the baby protectively in his arms, he slowly went over to see what was going on.

*~*~*~*~*

          "Joey, shhh!" Monica demanded.

"What if the officer finds us again? I'm too good looking to go to jail! The men might jump me!" 

"Don't worry, we won't go to jail. At least not for long." 

"Mon—"

"Just shut up and then there's no reason to worry!" she whispered harshly. 

"Fine, fine." 

Suddenly, the window opened and Joey and Monica began going down the fire escape quickly. 

"Joey? Monica?" Chandler called.

Monica nudged Joey in the leg, and he climbed back up, with Monica following.

"Hey man."

Monica bit her lip.

"What are you two doing here?" 

"Well, we're just," Joey struggled for words.

"Admiring the view of the city," Monica finished for him.

"You can't do that from your apartment balcony?"

Monica shrugged. "We wanted a new view." 

"Were you spying on me?"

Monica laughed uncomfortably. "Of course not. Right Joe?"

"No, no, not spying. Never." 

Just then, the same police officer climbed back up. "What did I tell you two before?! Come with me."

Joey and Monica stared at Chandler expectantly. Chandler smiled at them deviously and they both stared at him incredulously.  

"Officer, it's ok. They're with me."

He studied the man for a moment. "Are you the boyfriend?"

"Yes…"

The officer laughed and headed back down the fire escape. Chandler raised his eyebrows in confusion, but then turned to Monica and Joey. 

"Well, come in already." 

They climbed into the apartment and looked around. 

"Were you really going to leave us there?!" Joey wondered after a moment.

Chandler laughed. "I was thinking of it." 

Janice walked back into the living room and laughed. "Well, Chandler, I didn't know that you were bringing company."

He eyed the guilty party in front of him. "Yeah, neither did I." 

"Hi Janice," Monica waved uncomfortably. 

"Monica!" Janice ran over and hugged her. "So, you and Chandler, huh?" 

"Uhh…yeah." Monica looked over at Chandler, "I think." 

Janice clapped her hands. "I'm so happy for you two!" 

"Thank you," Monica said uneasily.

"Hey Janice, we'll be right back. Monica and I need to talk in the hall for a minute." 

"Okay, but hurry back!" 

Joey headed towards the door with them, but Chandler stopped him. "Could you wait inside? We need to talk…privately."

Joey's eyes widened as he looked from Chandler, to Janice, and then back at Chandler. "I have to stay in here with her?!"

Chandler shrugged and headed outside, with Monica following him slowly. 

"So Joey," Janice began, "How _are _you?"

"Oh, I'm just great." Under his breath, he added, "I'll never do _any _favors for those two again." 

*~*~*~*~*~*

          Monica closed the door once they both came outside and smiled at Chandler. 

"So, I'm gonna head home."

Chandler grabbed Monica by the arm and she spun around to face him. 

"Were you—jealous?" 

Monica laughed nervously. "No, no, no, not at all."

Chandler gave her an unbelieving look. 

"Ok, maybe a little." 

"Wow, a woman jealous of another woman over _me_. I never thought the day would come!"

"Chandler," Monica whined.

"You don't have to be jealous of anyone," he informed her softly, "My heart's only with you."

"Yes, but the baby!"

"What about the baby?"

"You…you were going to decide you loved having a family so much that you'd fall in love with Janice and her kid and leave me."

Chandler gave her a baffled look. "Why would you think _that_?" 

Monica shrugged and looked away. 

"You really do over-react sometimes." Off of Monica's angry look, he reminded her, "Only _sometimes_!" 

"So, you're not going to leave me?"

"No way! And especially not for Janice."

"Really?"

"Really."

"You're sure? Because if you're going to leave, do it now. Do you need me to have a baby to keep you? I'll do it!"

Chandler wrapped his arms around her waist. "I've never been more sure about anything in my life. And I definitely don't want a baby right now." 

Monica looked up at him. "Will you—ever want a baby?" 

Chandler smiled. "Yeah, of course."

"Really? 'Cause I mean you are Chandler." 

"I am?" 

Monica smacked his shoulder playfully and then reached up to rest her arms around his neck. 

"So one day, we'll get married and have babies?" 

"It's a deal." 

 Monica smiled and kissed him softly on the lips. "I love you." 

"I love you, too." 

Chandler leaned in for another kiss. 

"I should leave now," Monica stated as she pulled her arms away from him. Chandler, however, didn't move his from her waist. 

"I'm coming, too! Don't wanna be stuck in there again with loud and louder." 

Monica laughed and they left the building, holding hands.

*~*~*~*~*~*

"Come see my baby!" Janice insisted.

Joey shuffled uncomfortably in his spot. "O—okay." 

Janice grabbed Joey's arm. "Come on!"

"Oh my God, there's a tarantula on its head!" Joey screamed and picked up a broom. 

"No, no, that's just hair!" Janice laughed. "Ya know, a lot of people seem to think that."

Joey put down the broom and took a few deep breaths. "I can't imagine why." 

Janice turned towards Joey and frowned. "Were you going to hit my baby with a broom?" 

"Uh, uh…" Joey stuttered as he headed towards the window and climbed out of it. "Bye bye now!" 

Wow, I am finished! Aww, I'm ready to cry. So sad. I've been working on this since like…December! Well, I hope that you enjoyed this series. Thank you all for sticking around and especially those who reviewed! I hope that this last chapter was all right and although I know it's not really an ending with a bang, it's the best I could do. All right, since I left a terribly long beginning a/n I'm gonna shut my big mouth now. Please leave me a final review! That would mean a lot to me. Thanks! :o) 


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